Posted by:
Eric K
(
)
Date: December 25, 2010 01:43PM
*This is not part of my story, but I would just like to thank you personally for this site and the support that it provides. When trying to find the truth for myself it was very hard because everything I found was so completely biased in one way or the other. You contributed to me finding myself as much as any individual that I personally know. thank you. And feel free to include my name and email if you wish.*
As I write this I feel as if I were submitting a post card the to the post secret website. What has, until recently, been my deepest secret, and I'm sharing it with people I don't know, and probably never will. I was born mormon, and was the image of perfection to my family and my extended ward family. From the age of twelve I read and studied my scriptures, wrote in my journal and prayed every night, encouraging my family members to do the same. I never missed church unless I had to, was president of the beehives, miamaids, and laurals, was on the stake youth counsel many times, and just general was the model of mormon perfection.
Nothing traumatic happened to cause me to doubt. I was never abused in any way, I had a very happy childhood, and a great relationship with my parents. I found solace in my YW leaders and considered them to be my close friends more then anything else. But doubt I did... And eventually, I left the church. And it was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. So many mormons thing that leaving the church is "the easy way out" it means you don't have to follow rules, or feel guilty, or any of that. For me it wasn't like that at all.
Leaving the church I also was forced to leave behind the closeness I had had with my family, leave behind all the members of the ward I had always been a part of (which was more like a second family then anything) leave behind my friends, I literally had to completely let go of my entire life. Start from scratch. All of the support and love I had felt my entire life was now gone. I was alone, mentally and emotionally. But, I was happy. Happier then I ever had been. No longer did I have to fake it. No longer did I have to try to be something that I knew in my heart I never
could be. No longer did I have to follow blindly. Now I could make my own life, not be poured into the mold of a life I had always dreaded.
I still sometimes have a hard time living with my decision, it's hard to feel the distance between me and the rest of my family, between me and my old friends, but reading this site, and hearing your stories makes it easier for me, helps me to know that I'm not alone. I guess that why I'm sending in my
story, I feel I owe it to you. You have helped me accept myself, hopefully my story can help someone else.