Hi Everyone! I recently resigned from the Mormon church, I was born and raised into it. My Father, may he rest in peace, was born & raised too and my Mother is a convert and so is her new Husband. I have not told my Mother yet.

I mailed off my resignation letter just over 3 months ago and I just recieved my confirmation letter yesterday. I figured that before I tell her I should wait until it was official. So now that it is official I am looking for advice on how to approach this topic and get it off my chest.

I would also like to set boundaries with her, like my Son is no longer allowed to attend her church services with her and I would like her to not speak to me about her church stuff any longer and those sorts of things.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thank You!

Glad to have you here.

I was going to say there's no need to tell your mom, but if you don't want your son to go to church with her, you'll have to have a serious talk about it.

"Mom, Sonny doesn't go to church with me anymore and seems happier not doing so. I probably should have told you before that I think it's better for him to stay away from church. Sorry, if this is hard for you. Someday, I might try some other churches . . . . "

It's tough, isn't it? Good luck.

darksparks

I wonder if we are related. Sounds like my family when I first questioned publically.

Welcome.

Did you hit any snags during the resignation process? It sounds like it went relatively quickly.

Welcome and Congrats!!

Welcome!
Glad you're here :)

So happy for you. All I can say, is play it by ear. You know your mother. And always come from a calm place and always let the firmness of your resolve show but only when necessary.

The less you engage the better. They need to see that mormonism has no part of your life now. They need to see the happy you without it.

All the best. Family negotiations can be tricky.

This can be very painful for parents.

She'll need to know you still love her, don't blame her, and still want to be part of her family. She will assume you are lazy, sinning, in the clutch of the devil and anti Mormons, weak, evil - you know the drill. Keep telling her that you are exactly the same person that you were last year. You've changed nothing except religion.

Thank her for bringing you up to value integrity. That integrity made it necessary for you to act on what you learned.

My "boundaries" talk with parents and siblings proved very effective. Basically I said that I expected the same boundaries they would want from me. That I expect them to not engage my minor children in gospel matters and I won't share all the evidence against the church with their minor children and grandchildren. The thought of me shattering their children's testimony has been all the deterrent needed to keep them honest to to our agreement. It has been 3 years and no problems. I have successfully helped two nephews leave ... once they turned 18.

It isn't information generally available to members, so I'm curious.

Have you been lurking here or elsewhere? Is that why you no longer believe?

Anagrammy

resignation letters without being excommunicated have been around for a while.

on my mission (late 90s) they told me if people give me their resignation letter to us, we should turn it in to the bishop of our area. one elder's quorum president told us to ask inactives if they wanted to resign since they had been out for years. if so, "here's how you do it".

i think now the option is more visible now and less of a shocker than what it used to be. that's about it.

Was it the truth that made you doubt?

Did you get the truth from non-Mormon, anti-Mormon or Mormon sources?

Or was it an experience with the lack of compassion or cruelty of Mormons that caused you to first doubt?

Tks

Anagrammy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2012 12:25PM by anagrammy.

Congrats and yes, you need to protect your son. Grandma's are fine to have social interaction with, to celebrate holidays and birthdays, have picnics, etc. BUT not church when you no longer believe as she does. I agree with telling her you appreciate the values taught to her and that will not change. Tell her you can not attend a church that you believe teaches untruths. But it is not for you to tell her what to do and she should honor your desire to not be told what to do.Good luck.

Welcome!