Posted by:
Duder
(
)
Date: December 27, 2010 12:14PM
As I struggled with leaving the church, I often convinced myself that I should see my religious affiliation as results-based.
In other words, I would ask, all things considered, has my religion brought me more "benefits" than it has "cost" me? I would usually answer that my religion, as ridiculous as it was, had resulted in more good than bad. I did what they told me to do, and it seemed to be working.
Then, things got really hard. As I struggled to handle my brother's death and my divorce, I came to realize just how much guilt, stress, and pain I had really endured thanks to the church. I was tired of trying to conform to expectations and requirements that made no sense to me. I was tired of being judged on things that shouldn't matter. I was tired of lying.
I was just plain tired.
I found myself singing Rage Against the Machine. A lot.
Now, instead of playing by rules that some old men tell me must govern my life, I finally make my own choices. I trust myself to weigh the options, and I trust myself to face the consequences without fear, guilt or shame. I stay in the moment, make it as good as I can, and the results will be whatever they will be.