I didn't want to hijack the other thread about his talk soooo,

The "significant disadvantage" is highly offensive to all of us from divorced parents. Obviously we cannot come out of those things unaffected, but so can children from horrible marriages. I think I have as many issues from my parents marriage as from their divorce.

I had a stake president tell me, "I am so sorry you had to go through your parents' divorce as a child. It must have been so hard." I was taken aback and couldn't talk but he was quiet as he wanted to me to respond and I said, "Well I don't know anything else. It was just my life." He just sounded very judgmental of my parents. As an 18yr old I should have jumped at the chance to hate my parents but was very protective and defensive.

This is the same visit where he said, "I love you." I said, "Thank You." He said, "You are supposed to respond with, 'I love you too.'"

I said it but just felt icky and thinking about it now is even worse!

" The social science literature is controversial and politically charged on the long term effect of this on children."

Translation: The social science literature doesn't help our position at all.

I think you are absolutely right: Everyone knows the life they have.

IMO it is wrong to critisize parents who divorce. In my case, I've wished my parents would divorce for well over a decade (maybe even 2).

They are bad together. Neither is horrible, I was raised fine & taught well by both... but they aren't good together. They don't love eachother, and they stay together for the kids. All they are doing is robbing themselves of happiness, and making us kids feel guilty for "being the reason" that they can't be happy.

...it's all situational. There is no way you can make a blanket statement like Oaks did and not just be innaccurate.

Does divorce suck? sure.
Is it in the top 10 list of bad things kids might go through because of their parents? Not even close.

This is just another example of TSCC creating a hierarchy of terrible things, and blowing certain ones out of proportion.

My DW is a child of divorce, and yes, she and her brother have had a very hard time because of it. The divorce affected DW deeply, and not for the better.

But this was not just from the fact of the divorce. Rather, it was because of the very poor way that her parents handled the divorce, and the subsequent effects on the kids. The parents basically failed to communicate anything at all to the kids about the divorce, and then withdrew from the kids and left them alone to fend for themselves.

The kids both went nuts with anguish and depression, and destroyed self-esteem.

If the parents had been adults who cared about their kids, the result could have been much different. But they were self-absorbed children.