I have never embraced the idea of a soul mate. I was married for a long time to someone who brought me great joy. But I never once thought she was anything like a soul mate.

In fact, she always crabbed about the fact that my brother was my best friend in the whole world.

The girl I'm with now has brought up the idea of a soul mate a few times. Both times, she has complained that I didn't consider her my soul mate.

I love her a lot, and I feel a deep connection to her. Maybe I just don't really feel there is such a thing.

How about y'all? Soul mate believers?

how could you WCG you're an evil apostate!!! bwahahaha~~

I'm not sure. I didn't marry until I was 30 years old. I never dated much before I met my husband. He and his ex wife shared almost ten hellish years together and before that, he didn't date much. I'm not a very laid back person and, truth be told, often think of myself as a bit difficult.

And yet, my husband and I get along beautifully. We're very compatible, like a lot of the same things, and have a lot of chemistry. I'd even say we're best friends. We almost never fight and when we do, it ends quickly and amicably. He tells me that the eight years with me have been effortless. Of course, we don't have kids... which may be why we get along so well.

I don't know if he's really my soulmate, but we must come pretty damn close. Our marriage hasn't totally been without its problems, especially since he has two extremely alienated daughters from his first marriage. But they refuse to talk to us, as does his ex wife, which spares us a lot of drama we might otherwise fight over. My parents love him. His mom loves me and I think his dad and stepmother have come to appreciate me for not being the abusive person his ex wife was to him and to them.

Maybe we were both just very lucky.

wow you sure dont look it!! :)
i just read the rest.... you are close to 40?? you look ten years younger!! no foolin! and did you like your time down here???



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 02:23PM by bignevermo.

Wow... that comment makes my day!

If I look young, it's not because of clean living. I drink and swear like a sailor...

...and I even found my soulmate husband on a porn site. ;-)

Seriously, I think my beagles, stalwart genes, and not having kids keeps me looking young.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 02:31PM by knotheadusc.

as i recall... you have red hair....which may explain this:
.."and I even found my soulmate husband on a porn site. ;-)"
:)... that is a compliment.... i have an affinity for redheads~~
oh yowza!! :)

I was born blonde, but my hair has sort of gone red (and a little gray). I'd blame it on the rusty water down here in GA, but it was going red before we moved here.

And now I think I remember who you are... You're the guy who lives in Florida, right? If so, we did have a fantastic time down there in September.

yup!! thats me alright!! glad it was fun!! i might go to the keys this weekend..... no wait...itl be too too crowded! and i got plenty of shrimp and snappers!! yummy!! key west pink shrimp!!! oy vay!! :)

Does anyone have a working definition of soul mate? I always assumed it was one of those nonsensical terms which attempt to over-simplify a complex subject.
I also agree with WC Girl. The concept of "soul mate" requires belief in a soul, which I lack.

I'm of the opinion that had I been born in Sweden I'd have married a Swedish girl, Argentina? Argentinian and so on.

On a planet with billions of people there are at least millions of women with whom I'm completly compatible. The soul mate thing certainly smacks of B.S. and I'm leaning more toward the camp that regard it as nonsense.

I do. In fact that's the only thing I believe in.
The guy I'm going to marry lives on the other side of the world. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Whether my belief influenced my situation, or my situation influenced my belief - I don't know. I don't know about anyone else, but for me, personally - yes, I have a soul mate.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 05:03PM by mav.

I wonder if the divorce rate is any lower among people who claim to have found a soul mate prior to marriage.

Doubt the data is available, but I'd like to see a shred of anything evidential to support the idea of soul mates.

Meh...There are tons of people you can think of as your soulmate in the first three months because that's the honeymoon stage i.e. "Wow you hate onions on your sandwich?!? I do too! We're definitely soulmates."

It's romantic and sweet, but the term is overused and I'm fairly certain requires a belief in reincarnation as well. I'll get back to you on that.

I'm cool with that. Maybe I believe in reincarnation too. Actually I'm pretty much OK with not really knowing.
But it's been over two years and I still think he's my soul mate.

I met my soulmate in college. We complimented each other in every possible way.

Yet, when I prayed about sealing the deal and getting married I felt like there was someone else and let my soulmate go.

Eventually I met and married the one I thought I was destined to be with. Unfortunately she ended up being a total whack job.

So if there is a god, he's really screwed with me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 02:20PM by kookoo4kokaubeam.

http://religionnewsblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/reincarnation-american-vs-hindu.html

The term soul mate is westernized to fit the idea of a "one true love," in my opinion. Americans have a very childish and narrow view of what a romantic love is and tend to adopt various cultural ideals to suit their purposes. That's just my two cents.

And you appear to have a very childish & over-generalized view of Americans.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 02:35PM by rj.

you know with that broad anti-American brush?? hmmmm what country do you live in Itx? sounds Mayan..... are you "south of the border"?

What's wrong with adopting ideas from other cultures? Isn't that where American culture came from?

I am an American, silly geese.

And when I was young and naive, I really bought into the romantic ideals that are taught to young girls. It's been my observation, research and, experiences with people (I move and travel around the states quite a bit, so I don't think I'm overgeneralizing) that Americans do have a naive and skewed view on love. I suggest reading "Women and Desire" to understand what I'm referring to. That's just my opinion.

I think these views of the "ideal soulmate" are one of the reasons for such a high divorce rate here. Movies, media, fairy-tales... convince us build up this perfect idea of who and what we want, think we have found the one, and then are disappointed when something goes wrong in the relationship.

While I don't think there's anything wrong with adopting certain views or cultural aspects, I sometimes think it's for odd reasons.
BTW, Itzpapalotl is an Aztec goddess, the name means "Obsidian (or Clawed) Butterfly."



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 02:57PM by itzpapalotl.

411 itzy!! and i lived in Mexico for a while and it was in Cancun..... so lots of Mayan people and their language!their names seem kinda the same to me! i even learned a couple "bad phrases"!! :).... and i am glad you be American! and if you grew up in the Barbie and Ken era and you are a female... i can understand your post better... I too have traveled and lived in many areas... and upon reflection... perhaps there is a "knight in shining armor" romantic shade to the "American Dream"... ::carry on:: :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 03:17PM by bignevermo.

LOl..I actually have a very mixed background , but grew up in a very white Colorado mountain town.

I often am accused of being un-or-Anti American because I tend see things differently about American attitudes and views. Then again, my dear Irish friend told me once: "I don't think you're the strangest American I know, I think you're the strangest person I know!" Goes with the territory, I suppose. :)

I believe soul mates are more magical thinking. There are a 100 girls that I could have married and gotten along with (including my brother's ex, whom he dumped because it wasn't “right”).
Personally, I think that if people saw their mates as giving them a gift (love, time, commitment, etc.), and not as someone who belongs to them, then they could be happy with their mates for what they voluntarily give.
Everybody's a free agent, and if that partner is willing to give love, then wow, it's even more amazing than destiny -- which is so static and inflexible. I like to think my wife and I chose each other, and choose each other again everyday we stay together. Love at first sight, though, is real; it happened to me.

I don't really think of soul mates as destiny. To me it means choosing the person who's best for you. Of course you could have chosen someone else, and things could have worked out OK - but not as well as if you were with your soul mate. My soul mate is just the person who is most spiritually/emotionally compatible with me.
I don't believe in a soul mate as your destiny, chosen for you by God. Free choice is so much more amazing.

I have never believed in the term soul mate- the term implies for me that there is this one and only person who you are meant to find, and should you be so lucky, then you will be forever happy together.

I read a book about this and it said that most people will find one in about every 20 or 30 people they meet or date that they could have a good and happy life with. That is the same percentage I found in dating. Since my divorce I haved dated about 50 guys ( once or twice) and of those, one I really did like, and the other I have loved for over 2 years now.

I think the secret is having many things, and thoughts in common. I really do. Opposites may attract but they do not last over time, at least that is what I read and believe from my own experience. CM and I share so many common interests and think the same way about important things, like religion and politics. There is no one in this world that I would rather spend time with than him. I do believe in very best friends, and that is what we are.

I have never believed in love at first sight, because I did have that with my TBM Holy Priesthood ex, but soon learned it was really lust at first sight. Long before I studied out of the church I knew I had made a big mistake; we both had. We had little to nothing in common to do together or to talk about. When the kids all left home, it really was over, even though we stayed married until I left the church.

I used to believe there was only one person out there for everyone. But then I realized how unfair that was. With all the people who die young or before they find "the one" (or right after they do--however you want to look at it), there are going to be an awful lot of people out there who are supposed to be alone for most of their lives. I don't buy that. With the mindset of looking for "the one", I think people are setting themselves up for heartbreak and loneliness.

The church used to teach a similar concept. Wasn't there a teaching that at one point you chose your family and spouse in the pre existence? It seems like I have also heard that they believed that people actually covenanted with their spouse that they would find each other in this life. It's part of what the musical Saturday's Warrior was all about. Well, that and GUILT.

Lately, I have gotten sick of how society acts about things like this. Not just soul mates, but they act like EVERYTHING was created for one person. I hear it all the time. "I knew this wedding dress was the one." Or "this car" or "this house" or "this school." If our lives are that intricately mapped out, the designer sucks.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2010 03:01PM by Apatheist.

between marrying a best friend, someone you are able to work well with...someone who "gets" you, and the sort of emotional narcissism that demands a deep level of connection not found in a normal adult relationship. Narcissists tend to get stuck in that 2 year old developmental stage, where people, namely their caregivers, are simply there to meet the child's needs. Especially the need for validation, admiration and attention. So when there are two separate people who are happily in a relationship - fine. But looking for someone who is a completion of yourself strikes me as more of a narcissistic pursuit. Because it's all about completing yourself, rather than having a complete relationship.