Gosh... I don't know where to start. I was referred to this site by my 22 year old daughter. She has been "anti-Mormon" for about 7 years now. She told me about her un-conversion and how hard it was for her to break free and how this site helped her.

A little history perhaps… I was a convert to the church when I was 13. My mom was tracted out by a couple young handsome missionaries when I was in elementary school. My mom was a single mom in the late 60's and was really struggling with the stigma attached to it. One of the elders was a young handsome tall blond man who she decided she liked and liked her back. Not so much... He baptized her and then went home. Shortly after returning to Utah he got married to another girl. My mom was sad and eventually ended up not going to church anymore. Years later I ended up being taught the missionary lessons and joined the church.

Everything seemed cool but... I questioned a LOT. For instance in a Sunday School lesson we were told that we must always obey the prophets no matter what they say. So I asked if the prophet were to tell us to drink the "cool-aid" are we supposed to drink it even if we know it will kill us? They said yes... I said "isn't committing suicide a sin?". My teacher told me that the prophet would suffer eternally for leading us astray but I would not be held accountable for the sin... I shelved the thought and moved on...

Then, at the age of 24 I finally got married. He is now my ex. He cheated on me for about seven years of our marriage... I was warned by several people that he was cheating on me but I told them that he would never take the sacrament every Sunday and go to the temple with me if he was committing such a sin. Self denial...

Then one day he told me he didn't love my anymore.. it was our 15th wedding anniversary... he said that I didn't trust him and he couldn't take it anymore. I begged him to go to marriage counseling. Our bishop referred us to LDS Social Services. The counselor tsk'd at me and told me I had to trust my priesthood holder and not check up on him anymore... no more afternoon lunches without first calling him at his office to warn him I was coming... no more showing up at his office unannounced at night... etc etc. I obeyed... The next meeting we went to the counselor asked if I was doing everything I was supposed to do. My ex said I had been. The counselor asked..."do you feel more love for your wife now". My ex replied "no, I still don't love her". The counselor asked me how that made me feel.... ummm duh.... failed submission....

We separated... I was hanging out with my best friend, trying to deal with my life. My bishop requested that I see him every Sunday. I did... eventually he told me that he couldn't take it anymore... that I had vipers in my nest and he didn't want me to be hurt any more than I had been. It was against the rules but he told me that my ex confessed that he had been having a 7 year long affair with my best friend.. the one who was helping me with my recovery from separation... I also found out that he was having an affair with his 18 year old secretary. He was sent to a bishops counsel and then to the stake. Everyone deemed that he would be excommunicated for his sins. He was... for about a week. The stake president rescinded the punishment and, disgusted, my bishop moved so he didn't have to be under the direction of that Stake President anymore. Priesthood POWER???

I confronted my "best" friend, swore profusely at the 18 year old secretary, called the LDS Social Services counselor and told him he was an IDIOT, and divorced my husband. It was so hard. I HAD to be nice to him because he was the father of my four children... He pretended to be supportive... he told me to not worry, I would get married again someday... in the temple to a man worthy of me. I told him I would never get married again to a Mormon. He, offended, asked why not? I told him that it didn't work out so well for me this time... Priesthood RIGHTS to screw other women???

I still went to church through all this... but suddenly the good members of my ward wouldn't allow their children to play with mine. I stopped wearing my garments and started wearing tank tops when I mowed the lawn. I was ostracized... ME... the one whose husband screwed half of our town in Utah... but obviously it was my fault. We moved to Salt Lake County and were looked down upon there too. My girls wore sleeveless tops in the summer and were told they were obviously not virgins anymore since they were dressed like sluts... these are the same girls who, at school, discussed the oral sex they had with their boyfriends that week.... but on Sunday were definitely "holier than thou". Hipocracy v. Morality...

My oldest daughter was seen wearing a bikini… I was told by a good priesthood holder that she was going to be raped and it was her fault. Men can’t be held accountable for these things because it’s a girls fault for dressing so provocatively…

So... after all of this I move to Virginia to get away from my stupid ex and Utah Mormons... I had also decided that I would start going to church again... because my children "needed" the gospel in their lives and surely things would be different. It wasn't. My children had all decided years ago that they didn't want anything to do with the Mormon Church. (I raised some serious self thinkers here!!!) I honored their decisions but still went myself... until recently... Questioning...

I got tired of listening to lessons about how you "need" a priesthood holder in your home. "Only men who are Mormon and who hold the priesthood are good" (ummm mine screwed half a dozen women and then blamed it on me... ) also... and my personal favorite (not)... my children - whom he was abusive to... are SEALED to him.. not me... ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS!!!! I told them that I cannot believe a loving Father in Heaven would honor that sealing and leave me off to be alone and isolated because my ex is a soul-stealing-#@%^@.

Sigh…. So… here I sit… all of these things going through my mind… I have read posts and stories and still I feel confused…. Not because I don’t think that this is all wrong… but because I feel GUILTY about feeling that this is all wrong...

Will I be punished for questioning this church? The church I used to be so proud of…

Will God hate me and cause my life to be miserable... we are finally happy... I'm scared to screw that up... Logically I don’t think so… but there is that niggling doubt… like when I was going through some problem with my ex and our executive secretary told me that if I would just put my garments back on and go to the temple all my problems would be solved…

How do I reconcile my fears and guilt with what I know in my heart and head to be true? This is all so wrong and I don’t know how to release all these feelings… I don’t know how to let go…

What sucks the worst is that over these past seven years (after my divorce) I received my degree as a counselor… I feel like I should KNOW how to help myself… but I don’t… can you please help me???

I’m SORRY this is so long!!! Thanks for your help!! Truly.
~D

Take a deep breath. The Church, as you know!, is not true and leaving it will make a difference in your life in a very good way. Your ex husband is a jerk, so is your old stake president and the people that said horrible things about your girls and ostrasized you. I'm very sorry you went through all of that.

The important thing now is learning to accept the truth. The church is all a big deception. There are a lot of good people in the church, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie. Fresh out of the church you are going to feel a lot of guilt and you will probably question your decision to stop going. That is how I felt for a long time. I was able to accept that JS wasn't a prophet, that there was no sealing power... etc. But I had a hard time giving up the bad things like hell and punishment. You'll get to where you really do feel free. Free from the lies, the abuse and the anger and the fear. This board is a (mostly) supportive and good place for the venting and learning. Welcome to the rest of your life, in which you don't have to worry about bs like who your kids are sealed to, the sexist priesthood and wasted time and money. You're gonna be okay, you've got your daughters and untold millions of exmos all at your side. (hug)

Oh! and no apologizing for being too long. You can tell your story in as many words as you need.

Suzanne... that is how I am feeling. I'm scared to death to be punished for my questioning!!! I can SEE how that is just wrong and inappropriate but... I still feel it... and the guilt. I am currently an RS teacher. I told them I wouldn't be there to teach today and I just recieved an email stating that they got someone to cover for me today but I have to take their place next Sunday. I don't want to!!! Arg!!! My children keep telling me to ask to be "released"... It's like you said... that feeling of freedom. I want it. I want to be "released" from all the feelings of oppression. I really hope I can recover from this quickly. It's irritating!!! Thank you so much!!!

Ah yes, you are just figuring out how hypocritical mormons are. Just wait, the same patterns of hypocracy carry on to other self righteous christian denominations.

How do you think ppl had slaves working in shitty conditions and treated so badly, yet they were "God Fearing PPL"?

Think about how the indians were treated in the days of Manifest Destiny. Yes, more self righteous religious fools. So maybe the cancer is really religion?????

think about it.

My oldest daughter is an archaeologist with a minor in religious studies. She has told me many times that organized religion causes many of the negative stigmas in society. I do recognize what you are saying. I believe in God with all my heart... but I am definitely doubting this organized religion. Thank you for your input.

You know, in the thinking part of your brain, that what you've been through is wrong.

But the church has created a huge fear and guilt for ever questioning or leaving the church in the more primitive part of your brain. That's MUCH harder to overcome. You can't easily reason yourself out of that.

A few things that helped me:
1) study about the church. The more I studied about the church, the more I realized how inconsistent and nonsensical the beliefs are. The history was shady, as well. Don't even get me started on the Book of Mormon or Abraham. So when the fear started rising, I would remind myself of all the facts I had learned.

2) study about control, abuse, and cults. Learning about how people control other people, and connecting that to how the church controls its members. Think about emotional manipulation, control of information, control of behavior (food, drink, clothing, time, limiting finances through tithing, and peer monitoring/gossip/sanctions/shaming). Steven Hassan is a good resource for cult info. When you learn the tools of the manipulative trade, they are less effective on you.

3) Realize that your guilt and fear are NOT evidence that you are doing something wrong. They are evidence that your mind has been hijacked. Do some reading on an ex-JW site, or ex-scientologist, or ex-7th day adventist site. The names and stupid rules they are breaking change. But the feelings, guilt, and fears are the same. Does that mean THEY were wrong to leave THEIR religions, too?

4) Try for some humor. Mock a stupid belief and it has less power. Example: "Yeah, the creator of the universe CARES what kind of underwear you have on". BTW: I haven't been struck by lightening yet.


Once you free your mind from the destructive conditioning of Mormonism, your life will be even better. And you'll look back in amazement that you EVER believed or feared that stuff. You don't have to live in fear.

Thank you so much Ima…
1. After reading many of the posts and personal stories I was SHOCKED at the history of the church. Some of which I think I knew… but I ignored because ignoring it made it easier to accept the rest. I feel like I voluntarily stuck my head in the sand and the “teachings” kept piling the sand on…and I never protested. I feel kind of sick about it now…
2. THANK YOU for the referral to Steven Hassan. I looked at his website and I am already very intrigued by his premises. I am a counselor and always looking for help to learn more about the world. I suspect that I will be able to use this information for myself and my clients. Thank you!!!
3. No, it doesn’t… thank you for the perspective. When I read what you wrote my first thought was… but Mormons would say… that’s because they are not the true church… but you are so right… I wouldn’t consider them wrong for questioning their religion.
4. I laughed so hard when I read that… and then I waited for lightening to strike me… lol
I really look forward to the time when I can feel free and at peace with my world. Thank you again!!!

You've been given some great advice. I was born in the church. I resigned at age 57.

I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life rewiring my brain. The Mormon church introduced a ton of unnecessary misery into my life. They don't have my permission to do that anymore.

It doesn't matter how they come at me. They aren't allowed in my house, my family, my marriage, or my mind. I'll do whatever I have to in order to flush them from my system.

If I have to spend 5 hours a day online deprograming myself, so be it.

I appreciate what you say about "rewiring". I think that this is what I'm going to have to work hard at accomplishing. Thank you!

Honey, what you are feeling about the church and questioning the church and what might happen if you leave the church is all conditioning. The church has trained this fear into you because it wants to control you and your children. It's so hard to get over it because it's a visceral reaction. And because for far, far too long you've been taught to believe there is something wrong with YOUR choices and possibly something wrong with some of the members who aren't living the gospel. But the truth is that there is something wrong with the church - the so-called gospel - itself. It isn't what it claims to be. It doesn't make you a good person if you live it. You've seen that. You sound like you've done a wonderful job raising your children under some pretty provoking situations and you've been made to feel like you haven't succeeded simply because you haven't succeeded by MORMON standards. Which, as you mentioned, are often just for show. Members live quite different lives when others aren't watching. But you should never have been made to feel that way - you should have been praised for your hard work and wonderful children.

Seriously, there are other faith-based systems, other churches, that do better than Mormonism at teaching morals and values and helping you become a better person. The members are nicer and less judgemental. The world will not fall apart without Mormonism. Please don't be afraid it will. You will have exactly the same sort of problems everyone has - life is no more blessed or protected as a Mormon. What you will have is more time, more money and more freedom to be loved for who you are and more ability to accept yourself for who you are. I really suggest you find some good books or websites on Mormonism like Grant Palmer's "An Insiders View of Mormon Origins" or Fawn Brodie's "No Man Knows My History" or visit MormonThink.com. The more you realize that the so-called church is all based on a fraud, the less power they will have over you to create fear and the more sure you will be about the steps you are taking in your life. Reading and learning is empowering. Good luck. Please keep posting here whenever you need info or support. You sound like an interesting, articulate person - I'm glad you posted.

Welcome!

I was in your shoes. Not the husband, and life experience part, but when I first realized that it might not be true, I was just sick about it. I was so scared to believe that the church was not true. My hubby left the church last summer, and I followed three weeks later. It was a frightening step, but eventually the evidence just stacked up so high that I couldn't deny it.

I suggest you study and read a lot. I've been studying since July, very intensely. Mormonthink is a great place to start. It gives both sides of the issues and then you can decide for yourself what you think.

Once I decided to leave, the freedom was incredible!

As other posters have said, it takes a long time to get over the indoctrination. On the other hand, look at your kids and be proud of yourself. You have freed them from ever having to feel the way you do now. That is no small accomplishment. You didn't just survive a nightmarish existence, you gave a new life to your four children. That is heroism.

My mother had very similar experiences, however, she has been through three cheating priesthood men. I finally introduced her to this site, and she has finally been able to come off her anti-depressants. To use Mormon logic against them, by their works shall you know them.

Mormons have the highest depression rate in the US.
Mormons have the highest bankruptcy rate in the US.
Mormons have the highest divorce rate of any organized religion.

And the list goes on. This board has been fantastic in helping me move away (although gradually) from the church. Just ask around on things to do instead of going to the church, and you will find that life is so much more than the pray, obey, and pay system of the church.

Understand that you are not alone, nor is your story unique in the church. I highly recommend learning about Emma Smith, and how she pleaded with the sisters of the church not to accept polygamy as a doctrine from God. Joe and the crew shut down relief society for 20 years because of Emma. This is a church with a history of abusing women.

One of the big reasons for me leaving the church is because every Sunday my wife would come home from church feeling like she was not good enough for me. So the house is a little messy, (we have two very young kids), so she needed help with the laundry, etc, but I could not convince her that this is normal in most households.

I just can't believe that the church has no idea why people are leaving! Anyway welcome to the exmo/apostate/anti community. By-the-way, apostate and anti are two terms used highly in a cult.

By Their Fruits Ye Shall Know Them

Depression rates, state by state. Data shows Utah is the worst in the nation:
http://nevinpratt.com/groups/workgroup/wiki/5c061/Depression_rates.html

Suicide rates, state by state. Data shows Utah is one of the worst in the nation (#45 out of 51):
http://nevinpratt.com/groups/workgroup/wiki/e467b/Suicide_rates.html

Top LDS population states by percentage. The top 9 highest suicide states are all on the highest LDS population list, and the 11th highest is also on the list:
http://nevinpratt.com/groups/workgroup/wiki/654a3/Top_LDS_population_states.html

Bankruptcy rates, state by state. Data shows Utah is the worst in the nation:
http://nevinpratt.com/groups/workgroup/wiki/25e92/Bankruptcy_rates.html

Divorce statistics:
http://nevinpratt.com/groups/workgroup/wiki/3cfd2/Divorce_Statistics.html

This nevinpratt stats, where are the references? It looks like an amateur blog, with a header to rip on utah. Just saying that we need to back up our criticisms with good references.

Time and distance from the situation which hurt you will help you. You already have the distance. Now all it will take is time along with trust in yourself.

When I was in college I used to go hiking up into the mountains when I was feeling down about something. There, in the peaceful and beautiful nature setting, I would look down on my little valley below and realize how insignificant, in the scheme of things, my problems were.

Mormonism is 2% at best of the U.S. population. It is an insignificant belief system. There is a whole wide world out there that is not Mormon. 98% of the people attend some other church, synagogue, mosque, etc., or have no religion at all, and they do just fine. So will you.

Free your mind. Mormonism doesn't own you. Trust your own good common sense. Give yourself the time and space to learn about what *you* think is good and moral behavior, what gives you peace and joy, what makes you content and happy. You've been told what will make you happy for a very long time. Now it's the time to find out for yourself.

Wow!!!! I cannot tell you all how grateful I am for all of your support. It really means the world to me. I'm going to go online and do some research. I will post again what I have learned. I feel so relieved and honored by your posts. Thank you! Thank you so much!

~D

It sounds to me like you have lost faith more on the basis of life experience than studying the history--which is what happened to me. I wish I had a link you could read my story on.

For me, I went inactive because of my life circumstances (gay husband who was cheating who was climbing the leadership ladder). Then he left. I tried going back a few times--sitting on the sofa in the foyer listening to SM talks--trying to find what I felt I had lost. I was too busy raising my kids and working 2 jobs--so I didn't have much time to think about my beliefs.

One day some 8 or 9 years later, it all fell apart in one day. I hadn't found this place yet. When I found out all the history, it was icing on the cake.

It just occurred to me--I was so busy taking care of my kids--even if so many things were going wrong, I had done everything right. This wasn't supposed to happen. Somehow I wasn't righteous enough to change someone gay to straight. Many of my mormon supporters (the priesthood leaders who had talked us into marrying) were long gone. The one friend I had who had the most influence over me, once the marriage ended, pretty much abandoned me (I think now out of guilt for what he had done to my life). What I see now that is so shocking is that many things did happen to me, but I didn't fall into sin and satan worship. I was probably more spiritual during those years and had so many amazing things happen to me--that I do look at my life during those years as some kind of miracle, that we all survived, that I still own the home he left me in, and the GOOD things that happened go on and on and on. While all the mormons were waiting for our lives to become worse and worse, they started getting better and better--including my ex's life.

My way of losing that fear of what would happen if I left was to take a vacation from thinking about it. I didn't have the time or energy to think about it--and then one day, the shelf fell.

Or test it. Stop paying tithing (if you are). That was one of the first things I did. Don't attend meetings. See what happens. They like to scare you into submission.

Take it slow and easy! You're evolving and starting to build your own personalized World View! It's a proces -- much of it is ongoing. And that's OK.

This is your life, you can make up your mind about every part of it.

It's OK to change your mind about anything. Remember what our grandmothers taught us? "It's a woman's progative to change her mind,"! :-)

This is your life. My view? What works best? Build it on love, gratitude, looking forward, find contentment and peace of mind. I can attest that it has worked for me much greater than I ever could imagine.

The past is over, done with. We have the future to look forward to so we can build it on our own principles that we know work for us!

Hang in there. My guess is that your life is going to change in ways you never could imagine - all of them beautiful!

"Will God hate me and cause my life to be miserable... "

if YOU were god how would you feel about this situation? would you kick someone when they are down?

seriously, you are a far better person than your god - isn't that backwards?

you don't need that thug in your life

1. Realize that you have been captive in a false belief system for a LONG time and it is going to take work to recover from it.

watch this wonderful video for a reminder about how strange natural stuff can be after being held captive:

http://www.godvine.com/Ducks-Held-in-Captivity-Experience-Water-for-the-First-Time-2199.html

2. Use your critical thinking skills and THINK about the stuff you have been told so you will come to realize and appreciate that it is BS!

Everything new always feels strange at first. Just explore, learn, THINK and ENJOY!

It really is overwhelming isn't it. Sometimes I read other peoples stories or think about my own and it all feels so surreal. I just wonder, how does this stuff even happen?

I think you said it perfect with your comment about the priesthood power.

The other comments here are great. I think you did the greatest service for your children by not making them go to church. The teachings will mess them over like nothing else.

The church is run by MEN and only MEN. So I wouldn't worry too much about what they have said. They seem pretty confident they know what happens when we die. They seem confident in telling us we need to pay tithing and spend all our time to build the church.

But they can't seem to explain why they don't have discernment when it counts. They can't seem to explain why a prophet of god (Brigham Young) would teach so many false doctrines. They can't seem to explain where the Lamanites are. Not to mention, year after year they are slowly weeding out the doctrines that make the church different from other churches like the idea of mormons becoming Gods.

Really wishing you the best as you go through this.

simplyconfused Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Sigh…. So… here I sit… all of these things
> going through my mind… I have read posts and
> stories and still I feel confused…. Not because
> I don’t think that this is all wrong… but
> because I feel GUILTY about feeling that this is
> all wrong...
>
> Will I be punished for questioning this church?
> The church I used to be so proud of…
>
> Will God hate me and cause my life to be
> miserable... we are finally happy... I'm scared to
> screw that up... Logically I don’t think so…
> but there is that niggling doubt… like when I
> was going through some problem with my ex and our
> executive secretary told me that if I would just
> put my garments back on and go to the temple all
> my problems would be solved…
>
> How do I reconcile my fears and guilt with what I
> know in my heart and head to be true? This is all
> so wrong and I don’t know how to release all
> these feelings… I don’t know how to let go…
>
>


Like you I had a lot of trouble releasing fear. At that time I read books and watched video seminars By John Bradshaw, like, "Healing the Shame that Binds You." His work is timeless.

I looked for a counsellor but at that time I couldn't find what I needed. (I interviewed 5 counselors and couldn't get one that I clicked with - costing me a lot of money - I gave up that route.)



Instead, I looked at each issue analyzing the shame, guilt and fear tactics that are in place in the name of God and righteousness.

I began making a list of all the things I was taught. I introspected to see if it was truly healthy, or what other options I could have used to achieve healthiness. (found out that there are many options to living a healthy life of integrity and ethics that don't come with the shame, guilt and fear tactics.)

I thought of alternative ideas to get healthy results in my life. I discovered that these alternatives to obeying mormon rules involved a lot of self-control and conscious awareness - as opposed to mindless obedience out of fear. This made me autonomous in ways I had not experienced.


Along with writing lists, or making mental lists, I began asking myself questions and writing down answers that pop into my head...the first thing that pops into my head with no analysis or thought.

The most important question I always asked was, and still is, what's the root behind this. What's the real truth behind _____.

Always allow yourself to question without the mormon-trained need to defend the mormon teachings. In other words, don't defend the mormon leaders or teachings when you question. Just allow yourself to question and open to answers.
For me this removed the need for the answers to fit into the mormon slots and opened up all kinds of answers - and research to those answers.


The unraveling became huge for me.
I began untangling the fishing wire, or the noose around my neck, slowly and consciously.

It sent me on an incredible journey when I started in 1991 and that journey is still going.


Last year I experienced an attack and went through specific trauma counselling. This Specific trauma counselling really helped and is formulated for intense trauma.

http://www.tir.org/about-tir.html

After listening to the exmo conference talk last night about PTSD I am going to revisit the trauma counselling focusing on my experience with mormonism to see if it can untangle more stuff.

I experience intense emotional trauma due to many personal experiences within mormonism that formed my life, and I suspect it's for that reason that I am always in the process of reviewing my mormon experiences.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2012 02:39PM by dec.

I am going to add one more thing I did that removed a lot of concerns in a hurry.


It was really very simple: I changed my thoughts. Yup. That simple.

I purposely removed any fears concerning God etc. and that released me from thinking I was going to be punished or blessed by any outside entity.

I changed my thinking to: this is my life, I will live it as I choose. Any consequences to my choices or decisions are natural, (whether known or not) and I will live with love and gratitude as the core of my intention! I have been working on keeping that as my internal thinking script for years now and it has made a huge difference in my ability to live a happy, joyful life!

CA girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
You will have exactly the same sort of
> problems everyone has - life is no more blessed or
> protected as a Mormon. What you will have is more
> time, more money and more freedom to be loved for
> who you are and more ability to accept yourself
> for who you are.


For all my mormon life I thought I was better, was blessed, would have better health in the navel and marrow (whatever the heck that meant, I accepted it had to be good.)
The phood there for blessings to make things better.
The network there to make things better.

I discovered that all the mormons were as physically and emotionally sick as anyone else (sometimes more so) and they were supposed to have all the help from God?

The help I did notice came in the form of networking, which had nothing to do with obedience to God or beliefs. If you moved or were sick there were people who had to help because that was their calling as visiting teachers, or home teachers.

Find your own network outside of mormonism. The network is the only thing I can see that is of benefit within that system, but again, it sucks to be coerced to do stuff in that network out of duty, fear, shame guilt of not performing and not going to heaven.

dec Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I discovered that all the mormons were as
> physically and emotionally sick as anyone else
> (sometimes more so) and they were supposed to have
> all the help from God?

I have a friend with chron's disease--a chronic, incurable problem with his intestines. He is an unapologetic exmo from a TBM family in Orem, Utah (possibly the most TBM place on earth).

We were visiting Orem at his parents' house for the funeral of a neighbor. His father took the opportunity to pile on the BS: "you know, we learned in our Book of Mormon study at church that those who live the gospel have perfect health."

This was said while we were visiting for the funeral of a devout, TBM neighbor that had been completely bedridden for the past 15 years with horrible health.

Sometimes the disconnect with reality that these people have is staggering.

They forget all the prophets die. Most of them from illness, one from lead poisoning.

I see that every day. "if you would just go to the temple everything will be perfect"... I went to the temple, regularly, that didn't stop my ex from having multiple affairs. It's so horrible that he would say something so calous and cruel at a funeral. Thank you for sharing. It adds to my enlightenment.. because that is truly how I am feeling after reading all of these posts of support.

I'm really sorry you had to go through that. The guy sounds like a royal prick, your so-called friend is a piece of trash, the LDS SS counselor seems to have lived up to their reputation well, but you and your children sound wonderful! That right there is the LDS Church in a nutshell. Sounds like you had a decent man for a bishop--and you see what happens to 'em. Only the worst are rewarded in the cult.

How are you liking Virginia? I'm really close to you... it's nice out here and we're glad to have you in this little part of the world :)

It takes time to fully come to grips with being out. Even though you may know that doctrine or the culture is garbage, there are habits to break, comforts to forfeit, and there's a lot of holes that open up in your life. Time will help a lot--but so will staying active! I know you can do it! :)