I'm sure many of you relate to this particular topic. I resigned two years ago this month, and in that time, a dear family member has stopped speaking to/contacting me. We've been close since I was a child. I wasn't going to tell her for a while, but the continuous spiritual, cheesy forwarded emails of 'true' stories happening to blessed Mormons moved me to tell her.

A few months passed. I wrote back and said, is something wrong? Did you not get my email? My computer spazzes out sometimes. Her reply was Yes, I did get it, I've just been busy.

And now at the two year mark of the momentous occasion that I left TSCC, she hasn't sent a single thing since. Yes, life nips you good and hard. But I know her. A morning and night doesnt go by that she spends time emailing family and friends. I miss her, but get the hint. Maybe she just needs more time to accept it.

After all, any and all church members in my expansive family believed I would be the one to get my mother back to church. It was in my P. blessing, too. But no, I found truth. And also, I'm both happy and proud to say my relationship with my mother has been the best it has ever been my entire life. The YW leaders told me she'd be going to hell if I didn't 'bring her back'. As I explore the world I had missed out on...pfffft. See ya there, Mormons. <3

I've lost a lot leaving the church as far as connections with loved ones go...but I gained back a very, very important relationship with my greatest friend, my mother.

This is called "shunning" and, as Holland stated, it doesn't exist...yeah right Jeffrey.

I'm sure your relative is afraid she'll catch some exmo cooties from you and somehow wind up in outer darkness. Friggin' cult.

At least you got your mom back!

;o)

She doesn't want to give attention to your bad behavior and likely thinks she can make it up to you after you repent and are again deserving of her love and support. She's also probably afraid her own testimony might be damaged if she interacts with you during this apostate period.

A friend of mine dumped me on the spot, but she voiced her feelings, so I know what was in her head when she did that.

Her instant reaction was to take it personally. She said, "Oh, I suppose I'm really stupid now because I believe this. You must think I'm a real idiot."

I said, "What are you talking about? I didn't say any such thing." But she was angry, took it personally and I've been waiting for her to get back to me for 2 1/2 years. Not really. I know she's not going to.

That sucks. My husband's once loving daughters are the same way. One day, when I'm feeling particularly spiteful, I will post the link to his younger daughter's blog, which shows just how mired in Mormon BS she truly is. She thinks it sets her apart and makes her special when all it really does is give her justification for acting like an asshole.

It would be nice if your family member acted like she has some common sense and refrained from shunning you. On the other hand, if this is how she reacts when you don't agree, she's probably doing you a favor. I know it hurts, but in the long run, she's the loser... not you.

that even though there has been some insane behavior from mormons I know--I went through the "divorce" before I really lost my beliefs and the shunning that happened after my husband left me was beyond belief.

I had a friend from high school who I had kept in contact with for years. Our favorite seminary teacher--who was also my friend--had moved back to Utah and they wanted to get together. I called her to let her know I wasn't in a very good place, that my husband had left me. I haven't heard from her since even if I've tried to contact her. It has been 16 years or so.

She came from a divorced family so this just blows my mind.

I had a lot more shunning when my husband left me than I have over leaving the lds church. People I would have NEVER believed would shun me did.

Shunning and disfellowhipping is barbaric and cruel, not to mention VERY un-Christlike bahaviour.

Ron Burr

I am really happy for you that you and your connection to your mother BahBahBlacki. Great post.

I don't want this to sound callous, but I liked the shunning that I got.

I had it kind of rough as a kid and that left me not only preferring but anxiously wanting to know where I stood with anyone at all. Whatever it was going to be, I wanted it to be real.

When I left the church, it was a relief to know which friendships would fall so easily. I hate wasting time, but I hate wasting emotion and fealty even more.

When I find anything in life isn't the real deal, my immediate reaction is to leave it in the dust and start the search for the genuine article. There are a lot of fish in the sea as they say.

I am glad you landed the one that counted the most.

This is exactly what the leaders and prophets have talked against, not being "clannish" etc. I posted a bunch of quotes on this subject in my post on "leaving your tribe".

It has been my view that members that engage in dropping out of people's lives because they left the LDS Church are not following their leaders and prophets counsel.


But people do what they know and what is comfortable. So if someone can't accept our choices, it's wise to remember that is about them, not us. That is their reality, not ours.
It's best not to take it personally.


Great advice from the little book: The Four Agreements.
The Second Agreement
Don't Take Anything Personally
Become immune to poison
The whole world can gossip about you,and if you don't take it personally, you are immune. Immunity to poison in the middle of hell is the gift of the Second Agreement
From: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz


I am reminded of another "truth" that I learned years ago:
"We have friends in spots" (in our lives) and that is so true.
Some people we continue a friendship for decades, some for only a few days or months.
And, it's all OK.

Yes, unfortunately, some LDS folks are unable to find a comfort level when someone does not live up to their emotional attacked/bonded expectations and don't know how to continue a friendship. It's just part of being human, I think.

The great thing about the fight against Mormonism is you can use their power against them. If they shun you then you can say things like "Doesnt your church teach to love the sinner, but not the sin? and didnt Jesus say 'And above all, love one another as I have loved you?' Jesus didnt just love a select few, he loved EVERYONE. Aren't you trying to be like Jesus?" It crushes their pride REALLY quick.

Anyway.. I am so sorry bahbahblacki... I have been afraid of my family doing this to me too. I seriously doubt it will happen but the fear is always there. She will come around if she truly "believes in Jesus" and all that jazz.

Intentional, prolonged silence is a particularly nasty way of trying to assert control over others.

When people use this tactic in a marriage I'd say you can kiss it good-bye.
Ditto for other relationships.
Move on, some situations can't be fixed.