Inspired by baura's prayer thread, what would some good answers be when the HT's or missionaries ask "is there anything we could do for you?"

The only thing I could think of is "Well, DH has been working a lot lately and I've been lonely - how about a little NCMO?"

Of course, I can't remember when I've seen a missionary or had a home teacher it wouldn't gross me out to picture in that scenario but it certainly would discourage further visits.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2012 06:31PM by CA girl.

I wish one would ask me that now. "Well I need help moving Saturday"

"I need help installing the pole in my living room."

bahahaha!

I didn't. ;>) My stripper pole is like a shower rod: you twist one end and it holds itself to the ceiling and floor via tension.

Now, what I do need help with is recording my practices/workouts. I can't always see myself to gauge my form. I can't tell what's looking good and what I need to work on. For that, I need a step-back perspective. While I do have a tripod and video camera, it would be really nice to have someone hold the camera and take video so I can see myself dancing. Then I'll know what I need to work on.

Can you imagine? "Oh yeah! I could use some help. Could you please hold this camera while I strip down to my skivvies and dance for a bit? Be sure to keep my whole body in the frame, don't just focus in on my face or the girly bits. I know what that all looks like..."

Maybe I should just get one of the girls from the studio to help me out. LOL

My home brew exploded.

Ha! I always did this when I had new home teachers. This was when I lived at my parent's house and they had a beautiful wall of sandstone boulders lining their backyard. At the end of their talk, they would say

Them:"Well sister rander70 is there anything we can do for you?"
Me:"Well... there is one thing.."
Them: "Ok?"
Me:"Do you see all of those boulders out there?
Them: "Uh...."

Haha but then I would crack up after watching their faces in anticipation.

"I'm feeling a little rusty on my signs and tokens, would you review them with me?"

OOOOOOhhhh, bc, you are going straight to hell!!!!! You made me laugh, good one.

That's funny, CA girl, but I don't know if it's a good idea. Repressed sexuality is a dangerous thing...I'd be concerned that your Mormon stalkers might begin stalking you for non-religious reasons.

@CAgirl
I would love to try that on the Home Teachers from my old singles ward. Bet it wouldn't take a lot of convincing!

I bet you are right! Would have been an easy sell at BYU too. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2012 10:32PM by CA girl.

Can't recall the last time I heard NCMO... well done, CA girl.

Last Sunday the HTs came by. It was a love bombing session, they expressing their "sincere" fellowship with me and how they'd love me to come back to church and rejoin the local penishood club band of brothers. When getting ready to leave, they asked if they could give me a blessing! I said "No! Go ahead and bless our home in your prayer if you want to."

It will be a cold day in hell before anyone lays their clammy hands upon my head ever again. They may as well had asked Richard Dawkins.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2012 10:43PM by rationalguy.

When the home teachers came over and asked if there was anything they could do for me I said, "you can make me a sandwhich."

They can replace the wax rings on all of my toilets.

LOL! I just got through replacing a toilet in my home. That bit is the only part that made me grimace. Those used rings are disgusting.

rationalguy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> LOL! I just got through replacing a toilet in my
> home. That bit is the only part that made me
> grimace. Those used rings are disgusting.


Years ago, I worked at a nursing home. I bathed seniors, changed their diapers/Chux pads, saw colostomy bags...but nothing has grossed me out more than the old wax rings on toilets!

It's not quite as bad when it's your own family's wax ring. Plumbers have my sympathy. You know what they always tell an apprentice plumber... Don't bite your fingernails!

How about a little hot steamy sex right here on the carpet?? Menage a trois?

Why yes, there is. I'd like to put together a list of reasons why Mormonism is not true. Could you go on the internet and find some things for my list?

My roof needs new shingles. Get yer asses up there and start hammering.

Is "please dry up and blow away" too nasty?

Yard work?

The last time HT asked me that I told them I had a weed infested acre of land. It sure would help me out if someone would come and spray it with round up. I'll even buy the round up. No takers.

"Yes. Please can you read MormonThink and tell me what is on there that isn't factually correct."

after my ex left--they never did anything. I think they like to pat themselves on the back as if they did something just because they asked.

If only they meant it, I might give them something to do. But it's just a question they are required to ask. It's best not to have any expectation. If you ask them, for instance, to help you move, they might well not show up and then you'd be screwed.

I can think of one time in my life when the local mormons really came through, but it wasn't for me (even though it was).

My senior year in college, I lived in a basement apartment, below grade. I also owned a waterbed (boy, I really miss that thing). Anyone who's owned and drained a waterbed can tell you, if the water bed is below grade and you are in the basement, you cannot drain it by running a hose up the stairs, outside. LOL. I hadn't quite thought of that when I put the waterbed IN that apartment.

So my TBM dad is in town for my graduation and I'd asked him to bring the van and take a bunch of my stuff home and stash it in his basement. I had a few days worth of business left in my college town, so I promised to pop by his house later and pick it all up. So, we had to drain and disassemble my waterbed so he could take it with him. Only we discovered there was no way to drain it in the basement and we needed a little water pump to pump all the water out. This was before Home Depot and I don't even know if there was a hardware store or even a Sears in my tiny college town. I don't think so; the nearest Sears would have been 45 miles away, in another state.

So dad gets on the phone and tracks down the local branch president, who knows someone who knows somebody else who has a little water pump that would be perfect for the job. Maybe a half hour later after the mormon phone tree was activated, some priesthood dude shows up, hooks up the water pump, drains my waterbed, shakes my dad's hand, and was out the door. I had been to church at that branch exactly once in the four years I'd lived there and didn't know the dude from Adam. Yet he graciously appeared upon request, helped us solve my problem, and went on his way, no strings attached. I maintain it was only because of the priesthood brotherhood thingy. Had I thought to call the BP myself and ask for help on my own, I doubt I would have gotten the same eager-to-help response. But that is conjecture, it's possible they would have jumped at the chance to work on reactivating me by coming over to bail me out of my waterbed problem.

Usually, though, it works the other way around. They ask if they can help, but it's lip service and they really don't want to. Most seem willing to lend a hand when you specifically ask them for help with a specific problem. I think, though, their guilt points would be better spent on going down to the local soup kitchen or something and helping out nonmormons, rather than trolling the membership for service projects.