Has the side affects of being lied to by the Church leaders, spilled over into your regular work and family life.? Do you find yourself a more cynical or suspicious in circumstances that you would have previously accepted. ?

What other character traits have you acquired and want to keep since the "big EX".

JB

i have become a lot more skeptical of people. I don't trust everything I hear. I use to trust people because I looked up to them as smart. Now I feel like I have to rely on myself a lot more and watch who I give my money to.

Yeah, I'm a little more skeptical than I used to be, which is a good thing. Seeing through the LDS BS, for me, was just past of the process of growing up and becoming a real adult.

I was raised in California, and I didn't know I couldn't trust Mormons--until I moved to Utah, and had two disastrous marriages with two "Good Mormon Men." Early on, my non-Mormon teachers and mentors taught me to be cautious in business and in my career. My boss used to say, "Never do business with Mormons."

Too late, I learned that Mormon family members could not be trusted, either, after most of my inheritance was stolen from me.

UGH! Now I trust no one! I will never again trust anyone enough to marry them--Mormon or Not!

Since I've become even more discerning in my social life, I find that a Mormon lies socially more often than not. They brag and exaggerate. They still try to get money out of you, one way or another, and I just repeat to them what my boss told me--I don't care--they are the ones who are trying to con me, and I'm just telling it like it is.

skills and skeptical skills. Trust has more than one level for me: a general trust of acceptance/tolerance trust and a deeper trust based on time and consistency.

I have had trust issues most of my life anyway because my mother lied to me constantly. When I went through life situations, I would find out that the things she told me weren't true. Even some of the things she said that I repeated to other people...they looked at me like I was retarded. I used to think my grandfather was a really smart guy. Now I know that he easily accepts anything he's told and will find "evidence" to support his thinking. I have to say, I would rather be this way (cynical) than be a mindless sheep again.

It has taken a long time to realize that people don't think the same way I do about honesty, especially LD$. One of the most traumatic things has been not only seeing how LD$ will lie, but how they will usually close ranks to support priesthood holders who have done bad things. My character formed before TSCC, and think I am the same person I always was, except I have gone through too many horrible things that never would have happened without TSCC, and its members.

People usually have to demonstrate to me they're untrustworthy. I've been burned a few times, but not often.

The whole reason I left was the lying. I probably could have played mind games with myself for a while about polygamy and other issues. But the LYING about church history was not acceptable. The first thing I figured out was that they were lying to us about the first vision and I distinctly remember thinking "They are LYING to us" and feeling outraged. It was just a matter after that to discover the extent of the lies. Personally, I don't think there IS an end to the lies. There is always something more. I really couldn't believe after that.

But what really blew my trust away is when I looked around and realized there was NO ONE I could tell, no one who wanted to hear, no one I could be honest with, no one who wouldn't judge me as evil for simply being honest - for seeing and committing to the truth. Even my own mom and sister went ballistic, although my sister came to her senses and has actually complained to me once or twice about the church. I think she got my mom to reign it back in as well. And the members - well, no one even asked for my side, they either didn't care or believed lies. I thought these people were my friends for YEARS and I was simply wrong. Friends don't let you be attacked without defending you - or at least hearing your side of the story even if they don't agree with you. They certainly don't join in the lying and the judging. In one fell swoop, I lost the majority of my day-to-day friends. The ones I kept were either NOT Mormons or at least treated me like nothing had changed, even if they didn't care enough to really talk to me. I'm not sure I trust that last group, by the way.

So yeah, I have trust issues with people big time. I know there are excellent people out there. Exhibit A is that my non-LDS friends who I'd pretty much ignored since I went away to BYU and got dragged deeper and deeper into Mormonism, all welcomed me back with open arms, happy I'd escaped and held no grudge. They really restored my faith in humanity, as did the kindness of people on this board. But I'm very cautious about who I make friends with now. Maybe I would have been that way naturally, without the forced friendliness of Mormonism so part of it might just be me. But I'm cautious none-the-less.

And speaking of trust, I really wish I could trust another religion. I liked going to church and believing in something but now, even the most liberal belief systems make me suspicious. Even while I get jealous of seeing other people with their nice, inoffensive church services and wish I could just have a uncomplicated faith like that. Being raised in a cult made me VERY skeptical and while that is good in some ways, it's a little TOO much, IMO.

And they wonder why we stay mad at Mormonism when it has the potential to really mess with who we are as human beings and leave us with lasting scars.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2010 09:11PM by CA girl.

WOW CAgirl..so much of what you said is exactly how I feel.I have huge issues with trust. 99% because of lying. When I was treated so poorly by my bishop I went to the SP. What a joke! He was even worse. You are exactly right-there is no one you can go to and talk to. Nobody wants to hear (tbm's) and they don't care,and you are just an evil apostate. It is so frustrating,but I'm getting over expecting anything of my former "friends".

I had a Mormon friend who started as my VT. She seems so sweet and beautiful and spiritual the way she speaks about heavenly father and his love for us, her testimony and encouragement. Over time I have caught her in little lies from as little as pretending I was the first one to enlighten her to the funeral potatoes recipe, to claiming she doesn't know answers to things which were uncomfortable to answer, and unrealistic things like waiting the traditional 3 months to tell me she was expecting a child then when I confronted her asking her why she wouldn't tell me, her good buddy, she claimed she didn't even tell her mother until a day before me. Now come on! I also found that the way she responded to some of my emailed questions about doctrine that it was not her actual words but had the condescending tone of her husband, and knew therefore she ran all my emailed questions by her husband which I found annoying. Yet she acted so honest. It was confusing until I finally figured it all out. Appearance is everything.