A little morbid But since my family has recently left the church (it's been four years)and we have not found religion since, I often wonder what we will do if one of my immediate family member's die (my kids or husband or even myself). Both my husbands and my family are tbm. I already dread the thought of having to attends anyone's funeral if it will be at the church. I hate mormon funerals!

I've told my husband if I go first and they(his or my families) try and convince them to hold my funeral at the church I will haunt him for the rest of his life.

Nothing I should be taking too seriously right now but I was just wondering what you would do...or have done.

A park? A funeral home? I want to be cremated so they can have it anywhere. At a cemetery? At your house?

It is common in many areas to hold a funeral at the funeral home. That is where my mother and grandmother's funerals were held. They are very cooperative and will let the family have the type of service they want -religious or not religious.

Newbie

I went to a LDS funeral yesterday. The Bishop told everyone the deceased is with Jesus now. What Crap ----- not even mormons believe that ----- they believe that all will go to the spirit world were they can still accept or reject the gospel! Well, I guess man-made religion can do and say whatever they want to, to make the left-behind feel better! My relatives really believe this stuff so I was careful what I said but I wonder how they took the BS the Bishop said that was not lds doctrine.

There are no rules for where a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life service should be held. Most non-mo & non- denominational people utilize a local funeral home. But I have conducted funerals at the ocean, lakeside, forests, mountain tops, bars, parks, you name it.
If you have any questions, I would recommend calling a local privately owned funeral chapel and speaking to a funeral service provider or the funeral insurance person on staff. I say privately owned because you'll want to stay away from any funeral homes or cemeteries owned by SCI. (largest funeral service provider corporation in the world. Bad juju). Usually the insurance person handles all pre-arrangements and can give you a ton of ideas and options. It is natural to think about these things. We all of us die. It is completely normal to think about and plan for the inevitable as we get older.

Hope that helps a little bit. Thinking of you:)

Ok, I guess it's not so much WHERE to have a memorial as how to avoid over zealous TBM family from taking over. I'm seriously glad I'm not dealing with something like this now. But, I could see this as a way for them(tbm family) to use this as an opportunity to once again share their worthless thought about what they hold so dear, in a moment of grief and sadness. If that makes any sense.

I'm not quite as articulate as some on this board. I love reading how some of you can capture what I also feel in such a compelling way!!

I will request a graveside service without any Mormon representation followed by a party with LOTS of drinking...

Ron Burr

Most mortuaries have a chapel, which they rent for very little money. They have an organist for hire, too. The cost is certainly worth not having the mandatory "Mormon plan of salvation" preached, and not having your relative's death exploited as a sales opportunity.

I left specific instructions in my Will. I was very clear that I do not want a funeral in a Mormon chapel, do not want any Mormon prayers, officiators, etc.

I want a "wake." I've been to several wakes recently, and they were lovely, and personal. They were held in the houses of the deceased person's children. Each adult child said something, and often told funny stories. I liked the laughter. One daughter was a concert pianist, and played a beautiful Chopin nocturne. At one wake, the children sang a song with Lyrics by Robert Lewis Stevenson. (Not "I am a child of Gaaawwwd.") Good friends. Good food.

If my children would rather have a graveside service, that is fine, too. Cemeteries provide a microphone, chairs, and an awning, for a fee, and people can say whatever they want. Do not let any Mormon "dedicate the grave" though. My aunt, a jack Mormon, had graveside ceremony last month, with a bagpiper.

A single woman friend of mine died young, and her funeral was for everyone to have a catered lunch! It was set up at the rec center at her condo complex. All us women, and some husbands and a few man friends, and her mother and single sister, could console each other, and talk about her. People could stand up around the room, and give a toast or speech.

Another friend had her funeral in a Methodist church, but it more "New Age" than religious. A friend gave a guided imagery, and there were several poetry readings, and brief talks by her kids--really lovely--and it all reflected who she was.

You are now free! You can have any kind of funeral you want! You can go to any Heaven you want!

Take time, and plan it, and you won't have to worry about it for the next 70 years.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2012 02:25AM by forestpal.

I don't want mine to feel funerally. I think a graveside service followed by dinner in a banquet hall with an open mike to speak of my ubiquitous wit. That should keep them busy for a while. Oh, and an open bar!

My mother, non-mo, had her funeral arrangments including the songs and poetry that she wanted written down. It was in the Presbyterian Church and the minister permitted Elvis' "Love me Tender" to be sung because it was her wish though it otherwise would not have been permitted. Our congressman said it was the best memorial service he had ever attended. BTW, I was designated for the eulogy. It was not a mormon eulogy.

There's nothing wrong with returning to the way things were and having a home funeral. For that matter, you can dress the body yourself, use a home-made casket, and even transport the body yourself (with proper permission from the city offices). One always saves at minimum US$10,000 for a DIY funeral.

If I die in expected circumstances, my plan has already been announced to have a home funeral, a pine casket, transport in a pickup truck (to me that's riding in more style than in a hearse) and burial in a green burial preserve like White Eagle outside Goldendale, WA.

The last thing I want for me or any loved one is to have our bodies violated with a trocar, have all my abdominal organs punctured and then the juices pumped out and replaced with formaldehyde. The next to last thing I want is to have me or any relatives on display in an LDS church.

My husband and I are going to have a memorial cocktail party. Heavy hors d'oeuvres and hosted bar at a restaurant we love. We are going to be cremated and we want our ashes scattered where ever the other wants to put them.

My dad (a nevermo) died a few months ago. Brief history. I am ex, one brother is out, other brother, and sister very tbm. I am oldest and executer. So we had funeral in the funeral home. Tbm brother pointed out that the church would be free. I reminded him dad could have joined if he wanted, but never did. We had music sung by dad's best friends who are musicians (guitar and bass accompany, can't do that in church). We had talks by people he cared about, but were not members, and it was lovely. The funeral home made a lovely slide show with music from pictures we provided. Afterwards we had a picnic in my almost finished barn. Dad had been watching me build it and kept saying it would be a great place for a bar-b-que. It really was a nice way to say goodbye.
The only rules are what works for you and yours. My thoughts are it should reflect what the loved one would like.