I had a pretty comprehensive evaluation done recently to determine if I might have ADD. No such determination was made but they DID determine that I still have depression.

Now I don't feel particularly depressed. My life is pretty good right now. However, I have been kind of isolating myself (which is a lifetime pattern for me) and since a few years ago I was pretty desperately depressed a "little" depression is probably indetectable to me. My son and daughter in law have been a bit concerned though.

So, my question for my more experienced friends is:

How hard do you think I should fight this particular condition? I'm far from miserable. I also have pretty strong social anxiety and low self esteem issues. But I'm too close to the situation to have an idea of whether seeking further help (such as behavioral therapy) would be helpful or frustrating.

Oh, and I'm on Social Security Disability with a global functioning score (I think they called it that) of 64 and a diagnosis of Schiziod Personality Disorder with Avoidant Features.

So, you smart people and experienced people out there -- what do you think?

(And thank you in advance. I always get good advice and plenty to think about whenever I ask for feedback and I really appreciate it.)

I'm an attorney and work on disability cases. A global assessment of functioning score of 64 isn't too bad. It indicates that you have some mild symptoms but that you're generally functioning pretty well. And that's just how you described yourself. Did your son and daughter-in-law tell you why they're concerned or explain what symptoms they're seeing that you're not? Maybe you can talk to your doctor about their concerns and also tell the doctor what symptoms you think you're experiencing. He or she would be in a better position to tell you what, if any, additional treatment you may need. Just from personal experience, I've had several significant bouts of depression that have been deemed situational in nature. Even so, I always have a streak of melancholy in me and, being an introvert, I tend to isolate as well. However, these two things alone are not enough that I would seek treatment.

//Did your son and daughter-in-law tell you why they're concerned or explain what symptoms they're seeing that you're not?//

They're concerned because I kind of hide out down in my room most of the time.

//Maybe you can talk to your doctor about their concerns and also tell the doctor what symptoms you think you're experiencing.//

I have an appointment with her on Monday to go over the results. We'll figure out the next step then. That's kind of why I'm looking for ideas now. :)

Plus, I've met some really dysfunctional counselors in my lifetime.

On the other hand, most of the counselors I've dealt with have been pretty good and I have benefitted from the counseling I've received to date.

Mostly, I'm probably worried about trying to make changes and failing.

I don't think my diagnosis is correct. I'm pretty sure I have Asperger's, not Schizoid Personality Disorder -- and I'm not sure how "treatable" it will be. (I am almost 50 years old.)

But I'm not desperately depressed so now might be a really good time to explore the potential for improvement. :)

I'm 57. Change is inevitable. If I had the money (talking about myself, not you), I'd get therapy for my social anxiety. I used to love new people in my day. Not so much now.

My mind isn't going to be made up until I discuss the results with my GP but I'm open. It's been many years since I tried counseling/therapy and it WAS pretty helpful back then. Mostly, I've just been resigned to avoiding people hand having low self esteem. I didn't even consider that there might be treatment for it. :)

I had depression in 2010-11 time frame - I lost both of my parents and found out the church was false all in a short period of time.

Going back to college helped me in so many ways. I feel like a new woman!

Have you thought about taking a fun class (photography, art, writing, literature, science, etc) at your local community college? Something that would challenge or interest you? It would help you get out of the house too.

Taking classes and workshops does more for me than any other people oriented venture i've done.

It inspires me, and I feel motivated to learn and try new things. Anything that interests me has been good for me.

I've taken classes in drawing, painting/watercolor/acrylic, cooking, belly dancing, landscape design, botany, photography, color planning, interior design, sewing, pottery, beach watching, flying, floral design, kayaking, biking, and furniture refinishing, and 4 years of dental hygiene.

All of them have put me in situations where i'm around people with common interests. It always is a mood booster. For me, I need to sign up for these things when I least feel like it. The time rolls around, I still don't feel like it, but I go anyway. I've never regretted it.

I will keep this in mind; it's a great idea.

Of course, going to class tends to stress me out because there are people. ;)

But I'm going to look into it. Maybe just an online course would be a good compromise...

Most of my classes have been online, it's a great option and I'm still able to interact with classmates and my instructor. Having deadlines and really stretching my mind (especially learning critical thinking skills) was very therapeutic in healing my depression because it gave me something to look forward to and I was motivated to get it done.

I'm surprised that you have both schizoid personality disorder and social anxiety. Seems a bit contradictory to me. Schizoid being a certain emotional disconnect to social interaction while social anxiety is the exact opposite. Then again, we are complex creatures aren't we? Isolating oneself sounds typically schizoid though so it need not be depression.

There is however another side to depression than merely feeling miserable, it's also lack of joy and pleasure. Have you lost interest in eating or have you started to eat more to comfort yourself? Have you started to sleep too much or too little? Are things that used to amuse you now dreadfully boring? These are signs of depression too. And if you eat antidepressants, don't forget they are called antidepressants for a good reason (unlike the nick-name "happy-pills" which is completely misleading).

If you have the money and oppertunity to seek further help then why not do that? Making sure you get the right diagnosis and the right treatment is never wrong.

I have very close and loving relationships with my children and grandchildren. I even have a few friends! So, who knows? :)

And no, I'm not on anti-depressants. I have been in the past, though.

Begin by reading and watching TV in the living room, instead of your bedroom. Most people would love it if their MIL just stayed quietly in her room!

Cognitive-behavioral therapy helped me a lot! The psychiatrist found out, mainly through trial and error, that I did not need antidepressants. The Mormon church would put me into a slump every Sunday. We would come home after church, I would take an Advil for my Sunday headache, order a pizza to be delivered, and go to my room and climb into bed with all my clothes on. The children would leave me alone, until the pizza arrived. Then I could be normal again. Monday-Friday, I was a normal, fairly happy member of the work world.

The Mormon church is a huge downer. Still, I was brainwashed that the problem was me, and not that I was in a sick cult. On my first therapy appointment, I told the doctor that "something is wrong...." but I had no clue what it was. I said that I had no "wisdom." I had degrees and a great career, but I still felt clueless, somehow. It was the brainwashing!

There is hope, that you can get over this. You need a psychiatrist with an MD, and a proper diagnosis, before you can proceed.

I don't know your situation. If you are still an active member of the Mormon church, that is probably at the root of your depression. If you have left the church, you might be responding to all the shunning and criticism, and/or the loss of former friends.

I was extremely outgoing all my life, until the Mormons slowly wore me down into being the introvert I am now. Looking back with clarity, I can see how it happened, step by step, incident by incident. I don't know if I will ever trust any Mormon again. How's that for being isolated!

I AM going to go through with talking to a counselor/psychiatrist/psychologist or whatever. :)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/18/2012 06:52PM by Rebeckah.

I work in mental health and IMO those GAF scores are highly subjective nonsense. I have seen patients with GAF scores of 100.......then why are they patients?

I am really resonating with what you are going through. I have the same thing. I feel mildly depressed, I don't have any desire to do anything about it, other people are worried about my depression, but I'm like, hey, this is how I've always been. This is me. I'm a generally depressed person, and people who are happy all the time bug the crap out of me. I mean, get real. The world isn't about being happy all the time, and people who think it is are freaking delusional.
And then there is this feeling of exhaustion that comes after having to do anything social. Call it introversion, or social anxiety, or whatever, but I resent all interaction that I have to have with other people. I don't like making phone calls, I don't like going to therapy or anything like that.
But I have been now for a few years. Twice a week. And just recently I have hit on some deep truth for me and I'd like to share it.

When I open up to people, I become vulnerable. I show my vulnerability. I want to show it, but I don't know who or even how to trust other people with my tenderness. I believe that this fear comes from having had the Mormon church abuse their access to my vulnerability in order to serve their cult.

So I am finding people I can trust and I am practicing sharing my feelings of sadness and depression. I am talking about how scared I am to reveal my vulnerability to others and how that reluctance sometimes expresses itself as an aggressive defensiveness that bothers other people. Frankly, I don't really care if other people don't like me, because at least they won't be bugging me to hang out with them all the time when all I really want to do is stay home and read a good book all by my lonesome.

Anyway Rebeckah, I totally identify. I think accepting yourself for who you are right now is the only real answer. Trying to force change without honoring who you are right now is only going to feed the self-esteem spiral. I think low self-esteem is sort of like an addiction. You feed the addiction when you try to force change.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/18/2012 02:42AM by shamansurf.

I think having the social ineptness issues I've always had -- and yes, I mean ALWAYS -- have created so much rejection that I've learned not to trust most people. Your comments about vulnerability are spot on for me. Thanks for your insights -- they're good ones and are giving me ideas.

I participated in group therapy many years ago - I would meet with the therapist alone once a month and then would participate in the group on other weeknights. I found it very helpful (if you have a good therapist, good group, etc.) I would definitely not look at the recovery/LDS SS stuff that goes on led by missionaries if at all possible. I'm talking about the professional, licensed stuff. Group therapy can also be discounted in price.

Also, exercising helps me - as well as spending time outdoors. My gym membership has been worth it. But that's me. Find what makes you happy, what makes you feel alive and go from there. What about something (like rock climbing) you wanted to do as a child/teen and don't any longer (or have never tried)? Each person is different and it speaks differently to them.

There are ways to build self-esteem, and any good therapist should be able to help with that. There are books too. Best of luck to you.

I open to the idea of they suggest it, though.

I would LOVE to have better self esteem. I even worry that I'm going to drive people away (and I'm sure I have) with my constant worrying. I worry if I call someone I like I'll disturb them. I worry if I talk to loud or too much. I just worry. It gets old. ;)

And I love exercise, though and I have a Y membership. I need a way to get there, though. Working on it! (Right now I walk the dogs for exercise.)

My family just likes me to be on some medication.
After being "forced" to take medication, I now find the less they know, the better I do.

My family just wants me to be happy, I think. I'm cautious about taking medicine anyway because I don't react like the average person to all sorts of stuff.

I have internal struggles constantly with basically is a melange of most of what others have described in previous posts in this thread.

Some may recall that I recently posted some anxiety over an upcoming job interview with a company owned by mormons. Well, it went exactly as anticipated. Not as a result of any pre-conceived expectations on my part. As I filled out their internal application documents, one of the owners first comments was: "Are you LDS?" - in the same way he would have asked if I played tennis, rode a motorcycle or whatever. I answered honestly, that yes, I was, but I didn't go to church any more.

I interviewed well, I was well qualified, the only possible thing that didn't land me the job was perhaps my salary history was a bit rich for them. The upshot: No offer.

I have since, fortunately, been hired by a different company. I have been there one week and I find that old habits and feelings are still with me. As mentioned above by others, I am exhausted from interaction with people on the job, the expectations of my superiors is internally magnified because of my irrational fear, possibly paranoia that I will be fired because of my introversion and melancholy. It is challenging to try to do my job of coordinating and scheduling because of my need to try to avoid confrontation and having someone 'not like me' because I push them to perform.

Phone calls are painful for me. Part of my job description involves dealing with vendors and contractors and coordinating all of the various work and ensuring that it flows according to the schedule. I struggle constantly with wanting to accept excuses by the various contractors and the need to push back and insist that MY timeline must be met, not theirs.

Many of you will see the solution for me to find work that suits my mental state of introversion and depression. After a year of unemployment, crushing debt from that year off and the fact that I am over 60 years old, the idea of a major change in career path is overwhelming and unlikely. I need to find a way to 'buck up' and play the part while at work. I perceive a great deal of pressure from my wife to perform. I feel that I am a disappointment to her most of the time and if I am not working at something, even on weekends, she is judging me as lazy. I would like to take up a hobby, but the things that interest me generally involve spending money. If I spend money on me, I feel guilt and it takes the enjoyment out of the 'hobby', not to mention the time that could be spent on working on something instead.

I tried a couple times to go to therapy, but, the cost caused me to feel guilty and the therapists, in my opinion, were ineffective. Their solutions/suggestions were simplistic and brought no positive result or improved outlook. I even went on anti-depressants and did not perceive any improvement.

As I grow older, I feel less and less comfortable in social settings and being unemployed at sitting at home has not helped. I feel like I am not me in social settings, I feel wooden and unable to interact in ways that I see others doing.

It is all very frustrating, but at the least, as an exmormon with these problems, and the common history that seems to indicate that the root of my behaviors seem to come from the mormon way of life and seeing that others agree, is a great comfort. Thank you for this thread, it helps me to know I am not alone in my dilemma.

I think the biggest blessing of the internet is that many of us get to find out we aren't the only ones like we are. :)

I'm a big advocate of talk therapy. It's helpful to have an objective person listen and dispense what he or she thinks. See if your isolation is hurting you or if it's benign.

I can understand very much where you're coming from. I isolate myself simply because I'm tired of dealing with bullshit. I love meeting new people and I adore my friends and family, but it's nice to have a lot of alone time.

I'm pretty happy by myself even though I enjoy doing things with my children, grandchildren and few good friends.

And I think that tells you that you're ok.

I don't know if this is typical for you, but I have a hard time just sitting down and talking with people unless it's cocktail hour. I always feel the need to keep my hands busy, whether it's cleaning, beading, cooking...Do you feel this way?

I even like to fold clothes or do cross stitch when I watch TV.

And I hate trying to think of stuff to talk about. Most people aren't as into Doctor Who as I am. ;)

My last therapist said this is all perfectly ok. I can't just watch TV, either, most of the time. I have to have at least one other activity.

While I am not currently a Doctor Who fan, I totally get the love for the show. It's the same thing as other people's love of SATC, Friends, Dexter, The Simpsons, etc. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/18/2012 07:16PM by Itzpapalotl.

Over the years, I have learned that not everybody is an extrovert and it's okay to be an introvert. For me, being an introvert is just a part of who I am. No need to be going and doing all the time, I'm happy at home doing my thing by myself or with my family (now consisting of husband, grown daughters and grandchildren) and sometimes social events -- as long as I can escape the crowd and calm my nerves. I'm seeing that social anxiety is wide spread in this group and I wonder if it's from membership in the morg and feeling "less than" in some way in our lives?

Like you, I don't like to talk on the phone, either. I'd much rather share a meal or a cup of coffee at the kitchen table than talk on the darn phone!

This time of year, what I call the "dark times" when there are so many more hours of night than day, can cause depression, called SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I get it every year, starting about now, and it clears up in the spring, starting around early March. Getting outside during daylight hours and taking a walk helps tremendously.

Good luck with figuring this all out. don't be too hard on yourself for being an introvert, it's not a bad thing.