One of my family members I am close too is having a big problem with 10 year old girl stealing.
Mother left the church, took kids with her, but is forced to have joint custody with ex Raving TBM husband. Her ex TBM and his family are all about appearances in the church and how good they look in the community.
When she was married to him they went through a foreclosure/bankruptcy etc.

Now with his new wife her children have to go over to stepmother and Dads every week.
The 10 year old girl feels deprived. She doesn't have what the other kids have. Which isn't true, she doesn't have a sense of gratitude for what she has.

So when I suggested my friend might ask her FIL for advice on what to do about a child who steals, he had eight children, she told me all he would offer is church! And baptism! and 'the gift of the holy ghost" and nothing more until those three requirements were met. What else could you expect from a former Bishop????

So what works to teach a child not to steal? She can do minor chores to earn money for what she wants but she pitches a fit and claims she'll never do dishes. She has privileges and personal items taken away, it doesn't sink in.

Her Mom is going to take her down to the center where she used to get food baskets when she first left her husband and have her girl pack baskets to get a better perspective.
This little girl must be acting out and feeling some lack. But what can be done?

Did anyone steal when little? What turned you around? What would have helped? She got a new winter coat, her brother got a few more winter clothes because he needed some and he can't wear her hand me downs. She got new fancy rain boots, but stole from the book fair because she wasn't going to have any spending money for the book fair this year. (Daddy's going through a foreclosure on his McMansion with his second wife...child support is behind again).

So the theme is she feels entitled. Her Mom wonders if it's genetic from the girls Dad???

Sorry about the long post.

The LOL was when the girls mother said, well maybe you do need religion to straighten you out? You want to go to church with DAD? Because you won't stop stealing? The girl yelled nooooooo!

I'm not sure what the solution is.

I do know it's not religion.

I suspect what's really lacking is love, attention, and understanding from both of her parents.

I remember stealing when I was 5. We got all the way home before my mom saw what i'd stolen. I got my ass spanked and then immediately drove back to the store and I had to tell the owner that I'd stolen and pay him $ for the candy.

Physical punishment and humiliation punishment. Worked well. I have been known to take pens back that I have inadvertently walked away from a counter with.

My sister did it for attention. Pure and simple. A classmate of mine did it to see if she could get away with it. Both no longer do it and neither got caught. However, the mom might also looking into counseling as the girl might also have OCD?

Since she's 10, check into the laws of the area. Making sure she gets caught and making her return the item to the manager OR involving the police to scare her might be necessary. I would recommend asking law enforcement to speak to her.

I worked in in a mall for a few years and saw all types and kinds of people shoplifting. Especially well off, spoiled and entitled teenagers. Nip it in the bud now, before she turns 18. After that point if she gets caught its game over. That record lasts a lifetime.

Prayer and church in this case will do nothing to fix it.

She is a girl going to an alternative private school in S. Utah that accepted her family on a 'scholarship' I think they use school vouchers to pay for it.
They have affordable school uniforms to wear.

The girl is a very independent January born child with a mind of her own.
She's got it into her head that she doesn't have enough nice things. It seems her Dad has the same attitude since he and his second wife 'bought' their mcmansion when he barely makes $25,000 or more a year. We think his second wifes father paid for the house. Now it is in foreclosure.

The mother doesn't believe in physical punishment, but the father mis-alligned his daughters hip spanking her for having her t-shirt off and only her tights on when she was playing "circus acrobat" with her sister. She was four years old. He called her 'immodest'. It was soon after that Mom took the kids, moved out, got some education, a job, a new husband and continues to have to 'share' the kids. She'd be so much better off if she could have full custody.But they live in Utah.The father never attends school parent teacher meetings etc. But he always wants them for his TBM family get to gethers so he can show off his trophy children!

The in laws get offended when she tells them no, they cannot have the kids for the weekend or 'special' occasions if they don't plan ahead and ask at the last minute (six to ten hours notice for a three day weekend).

The girl is required to make payments to the school. The school is being very supportive. They just want the girl to work and pay so she can understand there are consequences. Of course it means Mom pays and daughter gets to wash baseboards and etc.

So Mom told her she could go help her Daddy clean out the U-Haul trailers (current second job) or muck the stables at Grandpas house. She's terrified of Grandparents knowing she stole. Mom doesn't want to sic TBM grandparents on daughter due to expert guilt tripping.

She sure would like to know why her daughter feels she has the right to take what she wants. Daughter refuses to do the extra little chores (and regular) for money to buy the things she wants even when it's readily available.

It's as if she feels she doesn't have to work for what she wants and she has a right to have what she wants right now!

I stole as a kid. When I got caught my mom made me give back what I had stolen to the store and forced me to apologize. I didn't learn that stealing was wrong, I learned that getting caught stealing was bad *for me*, so I stole later on again when I was sure I wouldn't be caught.

That is what you get with punishment. The behavior might stop for awhile, but you learn to obey when someone is watching or lie instead of really understanding why what you've done is wrong.


I would tell her that you know she has been stealing (just state it as a fact without anger) and talk to her about why she has been doing it. Ask her how she thinks it feels to be stolen from. This may not have crossed her mind before so give her time to think/answer. You could bring up a time someone stole from you and how it made you feel or a problem that was caused because of it. Empathize with her about why she wants to steal. I am sure her reason for wanting to do so is understandable and that everyone has felt that way before, she is just choosing an unproductive way of dealing with that feeling. You could both think of ways to deal with her feelings other than stealing. All of this relies on having a good relationship with the daughter and expecting her to do something because she understands the reason instead of because you said so.

I remember grabbing gumballs from gumball machines without paying and my mom making me apologize to the store manager. I felt so ashamed. Besides that little incident, I didn't steal as a kid. Stuff like that comes down to the parent. Raise your kid to respect others and it won't happen. That's my opinion. But then again, I was raised in the south. Not everybody can be so lucky as to be raised a good 'ol southern boy.

But in actual fact, knowing why doesn't usually solve problems.

We do that by facing up to the problems. They often means providing consequences for behaviors which must be extinguished and rewards for behaviors which are beneficial to a child.

I suggest someone sit down with this child and tell her she can't take things which do not belong to her even if she's feeling sad or deprived.

Make a plan. Find out which situations are tempting and tell the child to talk to a trusted adult when she feels compelled to take something. Praise her if she can resist the temptation and talk about it. Give her a small reward or momento for the effort. Sometimes a sticker on a page or marble in a bottle would be enough.

Losing privileges is the usual negative consequence for doing something destructive.

Helping needy people might help contribute to character building but would probably not totally solve the problem since there isn't a stong direct correlation to the behavior.

Some kids also do better if they have a cuddly pet to help with difficult transitions like divorce or separation. Other kids gain insight from books and movies which they can relate to. A children's librarian might have suggestions. Another resource might be the public school's social worker, psychologist, or counselor.

The classic response is that a young child is stealing love when they persistently steal physical objects. The girl has been through a lot of unwelcome changes.

It sounds like the school is doing a good job in terms of disciplining her. She would also benefit by talking regularly with a school counselor. Most kids love going to see the school counselor. It gives them an extra dose of caring attention.

I would suggest splitting up money and chores. Give her a regualar allowance that she can count on even if it's small. This will teach her to budget and plan, and will help her to feel that she has a sense of control over her financial life. Chores should be done for no charge as a part of being a responsible family member. Not doing chores should result in a loss of priviliges. There are magnetic charts that can go on the refrigerator to keep track of how she's doing.

My mom said my brother didn't really get a conscience until he was about 14. So maybe it's a cognitive development thing...have hope!