Im 17 and I have been going to lds church all my life because my parents force me. Next February Ill be turning 18 and when I graduate in june I am expected to serve a mission. but ever since I was 12 I had my doubts about being lds and now Im fully sure of it. What should I do? also Im not some punk teen who hates religon I believe in the bible



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2012 09:21PM by cheaperbythedozen.

Say no.

You have the right to say NO!! Don't let anyone guilt trip or shame you into anything. Life goes on and it your choice how you want to live it.

You shouldn't do it. If you have any doubts at all...then don't do it.


Talk to us...

I hope you don't mind a copy and paste, as the advice I would give you is the same I gave the OP in the post -"How Can I Leave?"


Speaking as an individual that "did everything right" and waited to confront my growing suspicion that the church was not true, nor was any religion, I put it off, and continued to play the dutiful daughter.

I married young, to the right kind of man.
I put off MY MUSIC degree so he could have his job.


DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR LIFE AND DREAMS FOR THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS! DO NOT GIVE UP 1 MINUTE!

I finally told my family, divorced a man whom I never loved (nor did he love me) and went to school for my music degree (composition) at age 24. I am so glad I did.

HOWEVER, because I waited so long, I often feel like I missed out on so much of my life, and my formative years. I constantly feel that I making up for lost time. Not only did I miss out on so much, I put SO MUCH unneeded stress, drama, doubt and guilt into my life.

I wish with all my heart that I had had the courage at your age to not only realize the untruths, but to follow my head and have the courage to be true to myself.

I would imagine that your parents will be more hurt if you lie to them and fake it. This will also hurt yourself AND, if I may be so bold, weaken your resolve, and you may look back later (as I do) and regret not being a stronger person who wished to stand up for myself.

This isn't of course to say "go crazy." No, of course not, you are too intelligent and smart for that.. but do, LIVE. Not in the shadows, not someone else's life, not the dream of your parents, and not in a lie. Live your life. The best way to show your parents that you have thought it through, and that you are not just being stubborn, or "sinning" is if you have other plans in place. College? A direction, and goals.

I would recommend a book that completely altered my opinion of passively living for other, if I may:

"Letters to a Young Contrarian" - Christopher Hitchens

Heck, I'd even send you a copy... that is how important I feel it is.

Seriously- if you want one, hit up my email, I'd even see if there is an audio version, or a version that can be delivered to your ebook or something.

(I know it sounds weird, the offer... but I was so touched and influenced by it, I would love to share it with someone who could use it.--- perhaps that is the old Mormon in me? Trying to spread what I feel is the "good news" of life? ha.)

Also, I would recommend a lot of reading of others books to strengthen yourself against any backlash your family might dish out, One particularly worth a read to embolden your desire to live for yourself:

"The Four Agreements" - by Don Miguel Ruiz


MY LAST question would be:

Now that you know it isn't true... how CAN YOU GO? How can you look people in the eye and tell them you know it is true? How can you let others join knowing that it is so false?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2012 09:35PM by intjsegry.

I agree. I often think about what my life would have been like without the negative influences of "the church." It purports to plan most important aspects of your life for you. These things should be planned by YOU, according to your wishes. Things like when or whether to marry, whether to have children and how many. No one should be dictating these things, and that goes for whether to spend two years preaching something you may not believe.

Say no. If this is going to be a problem, just tell them your don't feel ready for a mission. If they still don't respect your decision, you have several choices.

There are numerous grants, loans, and scholarships you can pursue to help you get through college.

If that doesn't seem like an option, there is always the military. You can sign up in February after you are eighteen, without parental permission, then leave for boot camp as soon as you are done with High School. The wars are dying down, and there is always the Air Force and Navy if you are not big on ground combat. Good way to see the world, and earn money for college.

Other options are to go to a community college, if you are going to be cut off, while working a job to pay your way. Actually in the modern economy, many community colleges offer trade programs that have much better money earning potential then many four year degrees.

If I had it to do all over again, I would have skipped my mission and pursued a career as a dentist.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd become a mechanic. Can you imagine how much money I could make being a chick mechanic who caters to fixing other women's cars?

If you're a young woman and mechanically inclined at all, think this over. I think it's a gold mine market niche.

If pushed into sending in papers, merely provide information such that you will not be called. That is, put in an essay as to why you don't agree on some doctrine and won't be able to teach it. Or, drink coffee and refuse to repent of it. Seriously, such will, if you keep your position, make a bishop refuse to sign the papers.

You need to plan ahead. Get a job, save your own money in YOUR OWN account. Once you're 18, you don't have to do what your parents say.

That being said, you aren't 18 yet, so you'll have to play nice a bit longer. Stall your mission paperwork, but not college. Tell them you're not ready yet. You want to get a year or two of college under your belt.

Star looking at how much it costs to live on your own in case you need to get out when you're 18. Be repectful and just say no.

Tell you're parents you have too much mental distress to go on a mission. Hopefully they will respect your wishes. After all they should love you more than a cult. If they are too disappointed, and start treating you badly, know that they are under the spell of the cult.

If you have lots of siblings parents will be under a lot of stress. As soon as your school is over you have to get some money and start supporting yourself. You have to take control and be assertive. Only trust yourself and God.

Mabey your parents can get some good weed to help losen their ass holes and enjoy life more. this is a lot of stress for a 17 year old. You just need to worry about your schooling and college. I'm sorry you have this ridiculous added stress. Damn cult!!!!

Going on a mission was one of the worst decisions of my life. Oh if I could only take by time. All that energy and heartache and wasted time. Consider yourself lucky that you have found the truth before the final brainwashing step. The mission experience!

I hope we can save our 16 year old from going on one. Congrats to you for figuring it out!

I don't think it would be wise to go on a mission in your situation...

It would seem that chances are high you would just wind up coming home early anyway.

It's a waste of money, a waste of time...and is counterproductive in the long run. The only thing you get out of it is your parents aren't mad. IMHO, that is not a good reason.

Make your own decisions and go your own way. It will be hard but you'll be the better person for it. I left home right after I graduated high school and learned quickly who truly loved me.

Absolutely do not succumb to the pressure! You have your entire life ahead of you. The first thing I would do is not tell anyone just yet! You need ammunition before you open up to people. I would read as much of mormonthink.com as you can stomach before doing anything else. This will help you understand all the problems that exist with this church.

After that only you can gauge when and where you tell your parents if that is even necessary.

Welcome to RFM!!

My best advice would be this: Go to college OUT OF STATE! No matter what state you live in go somewhere (NOT, and I can not emphasize this enough, NOT Utah). Once you are away from your family and in college - which is where you are supposed to be - it won't matter what they expect. College will be a great experience, you will find yourself and find your place in the world and to truly do that you need to be out there in the world. Take the leap! Go, go, go!

I got married when I was 17. I am in my sixties and still paying for this mistake. I am in my sixties now and I reflected on the what I would say to someone your age. This is it:

YOU are the one who will suffer for the mistakes you make today.
DO NOT make decisions to please someone else.
Your future is at stake and you will be the one living with the consequences of your choices.
Do right by yourself now and set the stage for prosperity later.
Do it for your children so that they won't grow up in poverty.

Missionary work has been proven to be abusive. Many have been left damaged physically and/or mentally for the rest of their lives. You would not knowingly drink water with parasites in it or handle poisonous snakes hoping God will protect you, right?

This is the time of your life to find out who you really are as a new adult. That's why the cult wants you NOW--they don't want you to form your real identity. They want you to define yourself as someone who belongs to them.

Don't do it. Save your life for YOU to lead. Otherwise, you may end up wondering years from now who you could have been

Best,

Your exMormon Grandma you don't have but wish you did,

Anagrammy

do you REALLY "believe" in the bible? Take some time off to explore the world and then decide what you believe...that is my only advice based upon experience.

1) Do NOT EVER commit to going on a mission. If they ask why, tell them you are having a difficult time believing in the church and that you can't in good conscience preach something to others you yourself don't believe in. If they say you will gain a testimony on your mission, tell them you do not feel comfortable with committing to something so big unless you feel inspired to do so. BTW I thought I would gain a testimony on my mission and I only lost mine. Tell them you have prayed and God never inspired you to go.

2) Don't act rebellious or they will never take you serious. Be sincere and sympathetic to their concerns but be firm and confident. Avoid raising your voice, arguing, or saying things you'll regret.

3) Go to a non-Mormon college instead of a mission. If they refuse to support you, then go to an affordable school, preferably a community college for the first couple of years. Live in a house shared by other roommates to save on money. Buy a small used car if you need one. You can get financial aid for school but do NOT be careless with it. Be smart. If you go to an out of state college, make sure you get residency before starting school so that tuition is reasonable.

4) Develop a non-Mormon social circle.

5) Ease them into the idea that you do not believe and that you will eventually quit the church. Show them that you can still leave the church but you are still a good person who can live a full and successful life.

Tell your parents you have prayed about it for 30 days straight and heavenly father told you not to go.

if they argue, tell them you refuse to defy heavenly father.

that should take care of it.

Tell them your gay

Just say no. The mission is all about them, not you. You have to tell them that you have doubts that the church is true, and that you do not want to be made to sell other people a faulty product. And do all this whilst acting like an adult, not a kid.

"The mission is all about them, not you."

Truest thing ever said--well, in the top ten.

I've known a bunch of people who didn't go on a mission, close friends etc that just said no. Only they were still believers, and continued going to church for years.

As a non-believer, it's not a question of whether or not you're going, because you're simply not going. The question really should be, how to break the news that you're not going.

One thing you could try, is instead of telling them you're not going, make them tell you you're not going. This can be done by expressing all the "anti-mormon" stuff you can think of in your next interview with the bishop. Tell him about the book of abraham, BofM DNA issues, Adam-God doctrine, slitting throats in the temple, Oath of vengeance, the story of William Law and the Nauvoo Expositor etc. Make them realize you know all this stuff and you see through the lies.

No way in hell they'll want you to go on a mission.

I swear I'm going to do what I keep talking about someday--create a fund for kids like this.

Are you located in the Mormon Corridor? That makes it tougher to withstand the pressure.

I'd suggest you tell your parents that you are not ready at age 18. Then find a way to move out of the house, get a job, get to school (a non-Mormon school).

Do you have a driver's license and a car of your own? IF so, why not find a Christian church to attend on Sundays? You say you believe in the Bible--if so, then you may find a lot of support at a good Christian congregation with a solid youth group.

Best of luck to you.

You still have to interview with the bishop. Just tell him you can't support the 15 in what they claim to be, and or you don't have a testimony at this time.

I agree with another poster who says to go to college in another state. Once out of state, begin to live your own life.

Also, just because somoene doens't believe in the bible that doesn't mean they are a punk.

It's only a few more weeks until you turn 18, and a few more weeks after that until you graduate.

Don't waste your time arguing about the truthfulness of the Mormon crock.
Just tell them you want to try college first for a couple of years to make up your mind.
After that, tell them you want to finish your batchelor's before you go.
After that, just drift away.

There's no such thing as a punk teen, I think. You're just like us older folk, except in some cases (not all) in which you may have fewer experiences to teach or jade you. Trying to tackle life on your own is one of those experiences. If your parents cut off all support for not going on a mission, don't worry, you can still make it in life. Student loans aren't a tragedy, and there are lots of options that you'll figure out along the way.

By the way, I'm married with two kids. We sing, dance and laugh together each day. I work a steady professional job and try to stay active in my community and do what I can to help the poor and needy. I reach out my hand in fellowship of everyone regardless of race, religion, age or social status. I also hate religion and have very little respect for the Bible.

No one can force you to go on a mission. You do not have to fill out the paperwork. You do not have to attend the required interviews with the Bishop and the Stake President. You don't have to go to the doctor and dentist appointments that are necessary beforehand. Tell them that when the prophet lowered the age he said it was just an option and you think you would like to go to a year of college first. You could always tell the bishop you masturbate and then you wouldn't be worthy. I don't know how much your parents would freak out if you weren't worthy to go on a mission so depending on your situation that might not be a viable option.