You may not have heard this story. Kids from the Marshall Islands were being brought here by an LDS adoption company under the pretense that the kids were going to a type of temporary cultural exchange, only to be adopted into LDS families. These people were shut down and ended up in court...

The rest of the story...these couples paid a lot of money to these ignorant birth mothers(teen pregnancy is rampant in this population) then with misleading "love" they kept the kids. I know a couple that was ready to leave the country with the kids they stole. The state decided not to pursue giving the kids back. Many of the mothers and fathers asked, to no avail to get their kids back. This particular couple had an open adoption, this was their way of making good on the deal. When the mother wanted the kids back, they refused, of course. I asked them how they could take advantage of this ignorant woman and take her kids.

Their response: we immediately went to the temple, they are sealed to us and therefore they Re no longer her kids. If God did not want us to have the kids, he would not have given them to us and allowed us to be sealed to them.

Hundreds of these kids have been taken from their families under false pretense, all because white, childless couples, wanted easier adoptions.

It's a cultural aberration which developed in response to GA pressure over the years.

It's become obvious that the earth is replenished enough, so it must be "to replenish the church."


Anagrammy

B I N G O!

Sory coke and Sally I did not see your posts, did not mean to hijack. I just read the trib article. Tis is appealing. They adopt these kids, often with the condition that they NEVER tell the father that they had a child of theirs. I know a few in Davis county that pretend their kids are not black as if their race can be ignored if you pretend hard enough. These selective, "god allowed me to steal this child" revelations are so sick and they exploit poor, desperate minorities, cultural failings, misplaced trust and see the opportunity to steal children and a blessing from god.

Kori Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Their response: we immediately went to the temple,
> they are sealed to us and therefore they Re no
> longer her kids. If God did not want us to have
> the kids, he would not have given them to us and
> allowed us to be sealed to them.
So if I come into your home, rape, torture, and murder you, your wife, and all nine of your kids while the others watch... I'm just doing God's work, here, because if he didn't approve, he would have stopped me.

How can people be this blindly self-centered?

I had with through adoption center of choice a couple months ago.
I will never do it again. I thought what I was doing was a beautiful gift for my son. They place u in this nice apt give u 125.00 a week "meet" with u once a week. I had to beg them n become anger with them to get some kind of support. Then they tell me that maybe this is not for u maybe u should go home. Like messing with my mind. They didn't tell me that with semi or open the family could say they don't want open or semi no more... I had to hear this from a judge they acc didn't pre warn me about any of this before I went to court. I had to go to court due to I'm enrolled in a indian reservation. Acc of american fork utah offers two counsling secisson when u return home. I want my baby back. I felt conned into this. I don't feel I would have a chance tho. I pray for women going through these feelings. I feel confused hurt sad happy betrayed conned.

As soon as they told me that, I realized how far away from logic, justice and mercy this cult can carry you. The first thing I thought was -well if god wanted you to have kids, then you would have had them on your own?! Duh

But then I realized that they would make some church speak about pursuing the plan of god at all costs or how god said that aside from abortion, single mothers are the thing that offends god's plan the most.

These kids will grow up, they will become more than the "god given pets" that they captors think they are. They will realize that their skin color is not the same as the others. They will ask,they will want to contact their birth parents, then they will hate,crewel, feel "purchased" and then reality will reach the corners of these diluted people's minds.

I have an adopted child of another race. She is my heart. I love her with every cell of my being. That said, at 4 she knows she looks different, that she is different than the rest of her family. She points it out. She looks all around her for people who also have black hair and black eyes and carmel brown skin. She is hungry for people who look like her. Though she loves me and the rest of her family like no tomorrow, I know, we all know, that there is a part of her that no matter how we try, we will be unable to fulfill. Lucky for her and for us, we are very close to her birth mother. My daughter has two mothers. She knows she grew in one's stomach and the other's heart. Spending time with her birth mother heals a part of her that I can't even touch. Grows her. Gives her confidence. People can't understand why we keep this relationship going. They ask what we'll do if one day she says she wants to live with her other mother? They ask what we'll do if her other mother is a bad influence...and "you know, she's not Mormon. She might influence your daughter to not be Mormon. She may not marry in the temple..." They think we are stupid for it. We know we're not. We're realistic...and frankly very lucky. Plus, my little one's birth mother is part of our family, too. I can't imagine life without her. Still, despite all the joy and love and closeness, my little girl hates being adopted. She can't vocalize this, of course. It's a sadness, a searching. A loss. She talks about wanting to have come from my tummy. She wants a sameness I can't provide. My heart aches for her. My heart aches for her birth mother (or first mom, as we call her). There is a loss there that is huge. A sweetness and love that melts me. I am glad for that love between them. I hope it will bridge the pain of what they have both lost. I feel guilty for all the joy I get in return for that loss. That is something the Frei family seems completely oblivious to...which makes me strongly doubt their ability to love. Because we shouldn't love to get something for ourselves, but rather to give to another.

One day a sister-in-law went on and on and on about how lucky our little daughter was: sealed in the temple, LDS family... Finally I attacked her with her stupidity. "Really? Lucky? You mean how she lost her people of origin? How she lost her first family? Her culture? The food she would have eaten? The love from them she would have gotten? The girl, her mother, who was suppose to never leave her and love her no matter what? And then she got dumped into a white family? With a different culture (moron crazy)? Where she will always stick out? And be judged as different? And not "white and delightsome"? Where she will always be told how "lucky" she is? Where she will always be stared at? Lucky? I wouldn't want that luck." My sister-in-law was blown. She was trying to be kind and I wasn't so kind. And our daughter is about as "lucky" as she could be under the circumstances. I've never seen a child as loved as she is, as adored as she is. But it isn't a luck I'd chose for myself...and not for her. I wanted, no needed, my sister-in-law to understand that we are the lucky ones...and we are lucky at someone else's loss. AND I'm tired of my daughter being told how "lucky" she is. Of people asking where we got her. What race she is. What her story is. As if it is any of their business. As if they'd like everyone to question them about their story, as if they aren't even there. Treating their tragedy as if it is some spectacular story of miracles and "luck". My favorite (not) was being told how like Angelina Jolie I was. Idiots.

Lucky would have been her being born to the gorgeous, brilliant, wonderful first mother she was born to...and for that young girl to have been older and safer and to have been able to keep her daughter and love her and raise her. I would have liked to run into them at some park and have stared in wonder at the beauty of them together. I would have wanted that for the little girl who holds my heart in her hand.

I have always thought adoption rocked. I no longer do. It leaves holes. If at all possible, biological families should be together. The Frei family need to give that little girl back to her father. No matter how much they love her (and I don't believe it is love) they cannot love her enough to fix the hole that little girl has. Give her back to her Papa. She will HATE them for taking her away. HATE. They cannot love her enough for her not to. She won't even remember the Freis in a year. But don't give her back and she will ALWAYS long for the family she was taken from.

God didn't give that child the them. It just makes me sick. Making me sicker? Anyone that has given them money to fight this ruling!

I need to add...we don't talk about adoption with her. We just answer any question she asks as truthfully as we can. We don't give extra information. Just the information she asks for. And she asks for a lot, and often. As she gets older, she asks for more. One day she will ask questions that will be very hard for me to answer about her story. It is then that I will be most glad for the angel that gave her life, and for a relationship that they have built and will continue to build.

What story would the Freis tell Leah? Well, darling, you see your bio wanted you...but you were sealed to us...

You know what my crazy TBM mother said? (I love her, but all Morons are crazy, lol.) "You know, after ________ is sealed to you she will LITERALLY have your same blood! Pres. so and so said so!" :-O Yeah and Nephites are Jewish.

I want to disagree with your blanket statement, but I don't have enough experience to with any real legitimacy, so I won't. Though I don't like blanket statements.

I will agree with you that adoption is basically making the best of a bad situation. It can be a beautiful situation but it boils down to the fact that some kid's parent(s) either didn't want him(/her) or weren't capable of being good parents. Neither is exactly ideal.

Thanks missy.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. I wish all adoptive mothers would understand what you have come to see in your situation. I wish that Mormonism would not play make belief with people's lives, particularly children. Can I ask you some questions? Did you adopt more than one child? Do you have any on your own? Do you live is a culturally diverse area? I wonder how many other Mormon teachings get ignored during these adoptions, do these kids chose your family or the first mother's in the pre-existence? How can people like this woman sleep at night, lying to herself that she knows better, that keeping this girl in the " gospel" is worth a barely legal kidnapping.

schmendrick...I agree. Blanket statements are no good. Adoption can be a beautiful thing. Ours is. Our daughter loves us and her birth mother. And we ALL love our daughter. Her birth mom once said our daughter was "lucky to have two moms to love her. Some kids don't even have one." But with all the gain, there is tremendous loss. That is the reality of it. When we were preparing for adoption we attended classes where they talked about the loss of the adopter's "dream child" and their fantasies. This is especially true of people who have no bio kids. Frankly, our daughter is more than we could have imagined and our experience with her and her birth mother is the most beautiful experience of our lives. Still, if I could choose the best situation for my girl...it would not have been living with us. It would have been a livable situation with the lovely young lady who carried and birthed her. It would be within the culture that is hers. It is painful that this is the reality.

Kori! Thank you for your words. My husband and I have bio children. We were happy and just living our lives when the stork flew up out of nowhere and gave our family the gift of a lifetime. We weren't looking for her to fulfill any dream or expectation of what a child should be "for us"...our other kids had already blown that to smitherings, lol. (No, actually they are great kids.) But...she was just icing and could fall into us with no giant hole in our hearts that it was her job at birth to fulfill. The question is often asked if adoptive parents can love an adopted child as much as a bio. In our case the answer is a resounding YES, and maybe more. Because there is a softness and protection we all feel for her that we didn't need to feel with our others. She brought a love into our home that beyond words. Adoption is beautiful. But there is another side to that coin that can't be ignored.

Your other questions and a bit more. ;) Nice to OPENLY share. We have only adopted once, but if the right opportunity came to adopt another child from the same culture (almost impossible) we would. This time it would be an orphan. No, we do not live in a culturally diverse area. Our daughter is the ONLY child with pigment in her skin. And she is by far the most beautiful. Drives other mothers crazy because their daughters all want dolls that look like mine. ;) As for the church side of things... From the "gospel perspective" I would say that it would be believed that she had "chosen us" and accepted her life experiences before coming. And that she had been less valiant to not be born under the covenant, but blessed to be given to a believing (yeah right), LDS family to be adopted into the fold. This would be the Frei's perspective and the prespective of the adoptive families your post is actually about (sorry). Their stealing children would be "Heavenly Father's" blessing to these children, and their duty to them would be to have them sealed into eternal families. Far more weighty a matter than mere biological ties. They would say it is the "eternal perspective" that is important. And LDS adoptive parents are seen as no less than saints and saviors to adoptive children when they already have bio children. I've experienced the lauding. Crossing race lines makes us extra special. Yes, we are "practically ready to be translated." No kidding.

Race is a big deal. Adoption of non-white children (sometimes with the exception black children) is often seen as the gathering of Israel. (Black children sometimes end up being of Israel after all when they get their fortune telling blessing!) Still, children with color have more of "Cain's blood" or have been "cursed" and are thereby seen as less valiant. We have been told this overtly and in hushed tones. We have been told to fast and pray that our daughter's spirit would be valiant. Ugly underbelly not spoken of??? There are many open, lovely LDS people that treat her as any other kid. More often than not it is one of two other ways they treat her: like they are doing humanitarian work being kind to her, or like her color might rub off on their children. If she were black I am fairly sure this experience would be multiplied. It's a quiet racism. It's racism with a smile. So we have sought out and socialize with her ethnic group. She is loved and taught by them. The older people are all her grandparents. :) She is as "lucky" as a little girl can be in her circumstances. But eye-opening barely defines it.

Up above I talk of preparing for adoption...and then say our daughter came out of no where. Clarification...

For a while we were unable to have bio kids and looked into adoption...but it didn't feel right to us. Along came bio kids. Adoption was a consideration of the past. Then...out of nowhere...the most beautiful, magical baby in the world came into our lives. I was thankful for the classes we had taken all those years ago. Education is important.

FYI, the agency our adoption went through also used Larry Jenkins for a lawyer. Larry defended another highly covered story regarding a father who wanted his baby, but his child's mother wanted to place the child and did without the father's knowledge. The baby was hidden in Utah by the agency we used, and they intentionly mislead the father over and over until his Utah rights were expired. The father's state of origin ruled in his behalf ordering the child to be returned to him. Utah ruled in behalf of the adoptive family, and because the child is in Utah, they still have that child. The father is appealing. Utah has a VERY bad name with many, many states. All about "eternal families" over birth families.

At least you are acknowledging her feelings and such. That is a good thing. But is she African American? I am and get slightly perturbed by the implication that black culture is not American culture.
But you Are showing her empathy and letting her know her birth mother and that is cool

No...she is not African-American. She is of a race that came to the United States due to war. Still, she was born in the US, so she is American. Having said that, she has another culture that needs to be celebrated, just as African-Americans do.

I once had a gentleman explain it like this: If you take a plant out of one pot to transplant it into another, it's important that you leave as much soil as possible from the first pot around the root system. If you clean the roots off and then replant it, it will usually die. So it is with people from other cultures. It's important to recognize the soil of the original pot.

That is very true. Adoption is so tricky. I want to do it in the future and spent years doing a lot of research. It's not just taking a child and going, now you are in my family. There's a lot to consider and each child will feel differently about their situation too.

I hate that the church thinks it's OK to do this to children. it can have all kinds of side effects they aren't even thinking of.

Nobody said anything about "American culture," from what I read. And I doubt anyone disputes that black [American] culture and white [American] culture are not the same.

I don't know. I feel like black culture IS American culture. The music and food is a part of it. It bothers me when folks say white people cannot adopt black people because the culture is so different as if black people haven't been a part of this country for centuries? Seasoning the music and such?

Though unfortunately this means people of different races are running around with their pants hanging down and that looks so stupid but we are quite American...

American culture is the combination and synthesis of all the cultures that are here. But individual families, especially of minorities, feel a stronger affiliation with their particular subset. There's nothing wrong with that. You can be a part of a smaller aspect of a larger culture without being isolationist or exceptionalist about it.

An adopted kid from a different background than the adopted family, especially one that is immediately and visually different, is likely going to feel a connection to that background and want to explore it at some point in their life. What's wrong with being proud of your genetic heritage?

Ok. I get tired of this argument. Race (genes) and Ethnicity (culture) are two totally different things. If I adopt a Korean baby, she will be treated and viewed as Korean in the us, forever. She may not even know where Korea is or how to say hello in Korean. If we ever go to Korea, she will be viewed as an American and treated as such.
Sometimes, out of ignorance and a desire to be PC, people "act color blind". You may raise a black child and teach them LDS white culture, but that will not change the color of their skin, or the fact that other kids,who are racially and culturally African American will approach them and assume they are not culturally "white folks". This is one of many scenarios of cognitive dissonance that white parents, trying to be loving, ignore the child's race and the implications associated with it.

I don't like the fact that adoptable children are allowed to be taken out of state.

Let's assume that this baby was eligible for adoption (which she never was, since her married father wanted her.) There were no couples in Texas who wanted an African-American baby? I refuse to believe that. Why was this girl ever allowed to be taken to Utah? I think that out-of-state adoptions should only be allowed if the adopting couple is a family member or if the child in deemed unadoptable after several years in foster care in her home state.

From the article, the only time the girl was taken to Utah she was still in a womb.

Summer, I can understand what you're saying. I hesitate. I am sharing so much personal information that I'm starting to get nervous.

There is good reason for a child to be placed in another state, in my opinion.

In our case, it was needed because our birth mother was underage and needed a state that would allow her to make her own decision...as her own state would not allow her this choice. It was the best decision for her and for her child. (So much more to this story, but it is my daughter's, not mine.) It took a lot of courage for our birth mother to do what she did. She NEEDED to place her child in another state. Our family worked through two agencies. One in Utah, one in the other. The agency we worked with in our daughter's state of origin told us that without states like Utah, "babies end up in trash cans."

And several years in foster care? Heavens NO! The foster care system is hell for children!! For so so so many reasons. Babies have the best chance being placed as babies. What we need is integrity. What Utah needs is to be "honest in all their dealings"...and stop "lying for the Lord." Ironic that a state so big on following the priesthood, has no respect for father's who want to take responsibility for their children. I guess it's that these men lack one thing...the priesthood.

As a teenager I became pregnant due to a date rape. LDS social services became involved the minute the bishop decided that me and the boy were too young to get married. The bishop never talked to the boys parents.
I was pressured by my bishop, YW leaders, parents, and LDS social services to join their program where I would be quietly moved out of state so the baby could be adopted. I was told we would not even tell the "father" where I would be going.
They wanted me out of the state and not to be in contact or very little contact with everyone even my own parents. They told me this would make it easier to make sure that the child would be adopted by a temple married couple.
I hate hate hate that they are still doing this to people.

I'm crying for you. I am so sorry. :( This was wrong on so many levels. You, dear, were raped more than once. And the people who should have protected you most didn't. This is so wrong.

I don't know that there is a way for us, since we are both anon here, to talk...but if it is possible and you need a friend, I'm here. xo

I didn't see a link/article (dates, places?).

the LDS GAs are sooooooooooooooooooo into themselves that they have to be careful, even in the cases of Obvious Wrongs that START with FAILURE to Love your neighbor, be s/he LDS or not.

I call this Piling On of taking advantage of someone else, whether its a vengeful spouse, neighbors, or people in your ward/stake.

TSCC (leaders, anyway) have Completely LOST SIGHT of simple Right & Wrong, Truth/Lies, Love/Hate.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/06/2012 12:49PM by guynoirprivateeye.

I don't think this issue is special to mormons. I remember hearing about other Christians running over to Haiti after the earthquake to capitalize.

Just shows mormons are no different.

"Utah is run by religious fanatics that cross the moral line when the laws are created here to allow the theft of children. Aggrieved parents should have the right to seek damages against the state and the Federal government should intervene considering that children are brought here across state lines to take advantage of the UTAH law. It is nothing less than human trafficking which is also an international crime."

The text above is from the comments section below the Salt Lake Tribune article.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/55401223-78/adoption-achane-agency-utah.html.csp

Anon,

As someone with two transracially adopted kids, I found your posts very moving. I agree with you about a lot. Race does matter. No, it certainly wasn't luck that made our kids lose their bio families and all associated with their pasts, and that always rubs me the wrong way, too.

It is awesome that you can have an ongoing relationship with your child's birthmother. That's not possible with my kids and I profoundly wish it was. The kids were abandoned and there is no information at all about their backgrounds.

We take a slightly different approach with our kids. We have always talked to them about adoption. I've never really understood the idea that one should just keep quiet about tough topics like this or like sex until the kids have questions. It just makes talking about these things harder and more awkward in the long run, I think.

My kids are now teens. They are pretty well adjusted, happy and successful. One of them feels adoption issues more than the other, but they have very different personalities. They are both very open about their feelings about adoption (and everything else) and we talk about these issues with some frequency.

I still do think adoption rocks. Because seriously, look at the alternatives. For my kids, it would have been growing up in an institution, with little education, and no good future in a culture where family connections are still vitally important. I don't think that it is always true that it's better for kids to stay with birth families. Sometimes the birth families are just too dysfunctional to raise kids.

That's not to say that adoption doesn't come from pain and hurt. It does. It may not be perfect, but it can be pretty wonderful.

Excatholic, I sure like you. :) And I agree with EVERYTHING you said. I am happy your daughters are doing so well. I am filled with joy for your family. There are MANY situations were adoption is the very best thing for a child. In your children's case, this is absolutely the truth. In my child's, it is mostly true...if we could just adopt her birth mother and family, too. ;) We're working on that. I think that the point is, we both love our children more than we love ourselves. We want their happiness. We are doing everything we can to support them and encourage them in their individual places of joy and pain. Bravo, my new friend.

Oh...we are open about adoption. Pictures of our daughter's birth mom are on our walls. We see her once a year. We FB. We pray for her. We just don't FOCUS on the pictures, or talk constantly about adoption. We treat it like it's just a natural part of our lives...just like we don't talk about our other childrens' births, day in and day out. We let her talk. And she does. Same as sex, I agree.

I'm a polyanna in that I wish this was a perfect world. It's a flaw of mine. ;) I wish all people lived honorable lives that honored children: governments and individuals.

From the adoptive mother's mormon mommie blog:

"… We felt more and more impressed that one last little girl would round out our family circle and provide James with a close, similar sibling. So we moved forward with great faith, and put everything on the line to follow this persistent feeling—a dream that had been revealed literally to the mind and heart of Kristi, early in 2007. Since that eventful day, we have, as a family, come to know that this dream was a righteous desire blessed to fruition by God, and that Leah would be that child—and yet, little did we know the challenges and trials that awaited us in finding and fighting for this little girl…"

The website solicits money for legal costs. The site claims the family is Christian, and does not make it clear that they are mormons. http://frei-adoption.com/Frei/Leah.html

The guy who runs the adoption agency runs it as a nonprofit. The same man runs an associated "marketing company" through which he charges prospective adoptive parents thousands of dollars.