I have a lot in common with your situation. I have 4 children and told my wife I didn't believe when I was 38 - about 1 1/2 years ago. I have resigned from the church but that may or may not be the right ultimate decision for you.
There are no easy answers. There are also no guarantees how your wife will respond or how it will impact your relationship.
The ideal situation is to get your wife to look at things with you. If she believes she can look at the issues with you and that you will start to believe again that is ideal. The key is for it to be you and her against the issues/problems. You should try to argue for the church as much as possible and at least be neutral and just look at websites or other material together.
Here are some quotes that may be of assistance:
D&C 9
8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must cask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;
--- Explain that you are trying to follow this but right now you are receiving a stupor of thought when you try to believe the church is true and see if she will go through the process with you.
Related:
"If a faith will not bear to be investigated; if its preachers and professors are afraid to have it examined, their foundation must be very weak." George A. Smith
Joseph F Smith:
"I advise all to go on to perfection, and search deeper and deeper into the mysteries of Godliness" (Ibid., p. 364). D. & C. 131:6 also declares, "It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance." LDS Apostle John Widtsoe wrote, "From the beginning of its history the Church has opposed unsupported beliefs. It has fought half-truth and untruth" ("Latter-day Saints should not and do not accept Church doctrine blindly"
"I think a full, free talk is frequently of great use; we want nothing secret nor underhanded, and for one I want no association with things that cannot be talked about and will not bear investigation."
--President John Taylor
"Convince us of our errors of doctrine, if we have any, by reason, by logical arguments, or by the word of God, and we will be ever grateful for the information, and you will ever have the pleasing reflection that you have been instruments in the hands of God of redeeming your fellow beings from the darkness which you may see enveloping their minds."
--Apostle Orson Pratt, The Seer, Page 15
She may say there are half-truths and lies - agree with her and then explain you will need to study it together to sort through that.
That's the ideal solution - your wife may not be willing to look at things with you but honestly I would try pretty hard to get her to do this with you. Don't be so sure with her that she doesn't have hope that you can have your mind changed.
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Assuming that isn't an option with where you describe being right now you probably just need to keep going to church. If/when it gets to the point that it's unlivable and it's worth risking your marriage that is when it is time to take the next step.
I will say in retrospect I wish I had quit paying tithing sooner. All of the money I was scammed out of hurt - but it's the money I paid towards the end that chaffs the most.
These were factors that made me decide it was time to be 100% clear I didn't believe and pull away from the church:
1) I felt like the relationship with my wife was false. I felt like I was a hypocrite and thus it wasn't based on a real foundation. I couldn't continue to do that.
2) The church was taking so much from me and giving me callings I didn't want. I wasn't motivated to do these things and it got more and more painful.
3) I was very concerned that at some point in their lives my children would stop believing and have doubts and think that I would judge them and be upset with them for this. I couldn't stand the thought of one of my children not believing and thinking I would be disappointed in them for that.
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I don't think your 8 year old baptism is the right catalyst to decide you need to do something. Others will disagree with me but I don't think baptism is that big of deal. It's mostlt a rite of passage ceremony - there is a lot in the Mormon culture that makes a big deal out of this.
I think it would be a really difficult thing for an 8 year old who has been raised Mormon their whole life to be left out of this. I think that would be more upsetting and harmful than getting baptized.
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No matter what, you need to find a way to be honest with your children - sooner than later that you don't believe it. Kids are smart - you can explain your reasons for continuing to be involved even if you don't believe.
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As you learn more you will find more and more how the church is not a good although false organization - but that it is truly harmful to your children. As you realize how damaging it is your desire to get them out will increase.
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I put together a website of the best links I've found online for someone about where you are in the process. My website isn't something a believing Mormon would be comfortable with, but it may be an excellent resource for you to find things to read/study with your wife or alone if she isn't willing.
http://www.mormonprobe.com------------------
I live in Northern Utah and am happy to talk with you more if you like (my email is public on here). Additionally, if/when you get to the point where you make a definitely decision that you are going to pull away post again and we can give you more specific advice on how to do so with the least negative impact on your relationship.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/13/2012 02:22PM by bc.