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Posted by: rose135 ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:15AM

Hey everybody, I'm Rose, 26 years old, and I have been inactive from 'the church' for about 7 years but with pretty hardcore members on both sides, I haven't 'come out' to the family yet, just close friends and my husband and sister. I have 2 little girls, one who is autistic. I have known since I was 19 that something was not right. I began to question things when I left for college and since then I have been inactive. I surprisingly was married in the temple at 21, mostly out of a lot of pressure from my husband at the time who had recently returned from a mission, but I went it to the temple as a skeptic agnostic, in a sense hoping that the experience would be the life-altering thing that would change me and maybe convince me it was true. Even though I knew I couldn't return from my new realizations, deep down I hoped I could just be Mormon and make it easier on myself. But I am skeptic by nature and so that never worked out for me. The temple was a horrible experience for me. I never wanted to return. The worst part is that all of the family decided to tag along to my endowment and saw me laugh and then bite my lip trying to hold back the tears as the only thought in my mind was, "This is so corrupt. This is a cult!" Nowadays I see all religion in the same manner- something I want to avoid as much as possible. But with 2 girls that desire for them to be a part of something has returned. That's where I am facing a dilemna. We all know that the church has one of the best, if not the best, social and family programs around and the most activities. I have been tempted to go back for that reason but then I remind myself that they have to subjected to the doctrine. This has been rough for me. Also, though my husband is not active at all, he still says he 'knows it's true'. It's a topic we agree to disagree on. He respects my choice but feels as though someday he may want to go back. I'm choosing not to think about that at the present time. His parents are on a mission- mine have divorced and are both active still. Is it worth just hiding behind the truth of my feelings so that nobody bothers me and tries to re-'convert' me? Any of you still 'in the closet'?

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:21AM

"We all know that the church has one of the best, if not the best, social and family programs around..."

Where on earth did you get that information?

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Posted by: rose135 ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:24AM

Eh, maybe I should clarify I live in Idaho. So here, yes, at least within a reasonable distance :-/

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Posted by: Caddis ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 03:54AM

I grew up in a very small Idaho town that was about 30% Mormon. I never enjoyed church meetings, but I loved the social aspect and can relate to what you are saying. If you are in Boise there's gotta be activities you can involve the girls in on a consistent basis outside of the church. Library time, ymca, etc. If you are in some small farming community then you might need to start your own group activities, weekly play dates, etc.

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Posted by: justrob ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 11:28AM

In Idaho Falls there is a very active Pentecostal church that does lots of activities... but in my experience all activities directed by christian groups have a heavy focus on doctrine/lifestyle/etc...

I've been to Catholic camps, and protestant activities (mostly in California when my parents were attempting to use me to bridge gaps with Christian neighbors that would eventually lead to their conversion into Mormonism)

I think you are better off just finding a group of moms with similarly aged children and starting a group play date. You can go to parks, or play places, or museums, etc... Basically each mom takes a turn coming up with an activity, and the default activity is just meeting at that Mom's house to play. Other mom's attend, so you can always go and be with your child and not have to worry about bullying or molestation.

It takes a little bit of work, but if you just put up some fliers in your neighborhood, you'll get several interested Moms (because all of us parents are looking for ways to entertain, enrich, and socially involve our children with others).

Good luck. I empathize about your family situation.
I would warn you against attending church activities, just because it will make your hubby all the more convinced that you will one day return to the fold.

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Posted by: Tupperwhere ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 12:27PM

I was born and raised in I.F. NO WAY the mormons have the best organization for kids around. One of my best friends is lutheran...you want a fun program for kids in I.F.? Go check out their lutheran church. Everyone there always knew I was mormon but I was NEVER excluded or made to feel unworthy to be there. They treated me exactly the same as their own children with real love and compassion. They also did WAY more fun things than my stupid ward ever did. TSCC is SO damaging to children, please consider any other alternative than that!

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Posted by: Tupperwhere ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 12:29PM

btw, welcome to the board! Sorry, I didn't mean to sound "mean" I just hate hearing about exmos that continue to damage their kids by keeping them in the cult. The cult isn't/wasn't good for your own sanity, how can it be good for your kids in any shape or form? But yes, welcome and it's nice to meet you :)

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Posted by: scooter ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 11:43AM

Mia Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "We all know that the church has one of the best,
> if not the best, social and family programs
> around..."
>

all you have to do to dispel yourself of this notion is follow some threads about worthiness interviews once your daughters turn 12, or one of many threads that compare kolobian boy scout troops with non kolobian troops.

oh that's right. you have daughters. girls can't be kolobian boy scouts.

you are aware that outside of kolobianism, the older units in boy scouts are coed?

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Posted by: twojedis ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 01:12PM

Welcome!

We recently moved our son from an LDS troop to a non religious troop. The differences are incredible. We had no idea what he was missing out on. You have girls. The church does not affialiate with the Girl Scouts. Why? Because the Girl Scouts are too feminist and teach the girls to grow up into strong, independent women. Do you want your girls to grow up and be trapped into a life of servitude and denigration, so they can hide their disbelief like you do? Would you rather that they grow up into beautiful, strong women who think and choose for themselves what path they want in life? Right now is the time you stand up for their future and do the right thing for them.

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Posted by: leafonthewind ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:23AM

Hi! *waves back*

I recently came out of the exmormon closet and told my mom that I didn't believe, but that was a HUGE step for me. I understand not wanting to take it. However, I do think that keeping your girls away from TSCC is the best plan. The church is toxic, especially to women. :(

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Posted by: rose135 ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:25AM

Yes it is :( Thanks for the welcome :) I am not sure when I will be ready to tell my mom- she is very delusional as it is. My biggest concern is the backlash, but I am still on the fence of whether or not it would be worth it.

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Posted by: leafonthewind ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:58AM

I get that. You know yourself and your situation better than anyone else, so do whatever feels right for you. :)

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Posted by: turnonthelights ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 02:37AM

The Mormon founder Joseph Smith was corrupt and they will teach your childen to worship this disgusting man. He was a gold digger in his youth and criminal. He married nearly 35 wives and one third of these women already had husbands. The youngest wife was a 14 year old girl. He was sextually active with his wives which makes him a child rapist. He ordered the destruction of the town printing press when they began running articles on his lust for young girls and attempts to marry their wives. He was shot because of this.

Search wikipedia for some info on his sketchy past

Wives of Joseph Smith

Kinderhook plates

Book of abraham

The first vision



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/18/2012 02:45AM by turnonthelights.

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Posted by: BumpedOffGentleStrength ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 03:03AM

Oh my,

We all know what.......?

I know those two children should be protected from the brainwashing of the Mormon cult.

Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam, Pioneer Children, and I Hope They Call Me on a Mission.

They're your kids, I guess you can do anything you want to them. I have made decisions that would most definitely protect my kids from the cult of Mormon. It's a fraud, why do you want to teach them a fraud. So they have what you call a world class social club?!?

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Posted by: gracewarrior ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 03:15AM

Agreed. TSCC will indoctrinate your children. They have indoctrination and mind control down to a science. Your children will be coming home telling you to "follow the prophet" and that the "Church is TWOO." They can learn good values from you. They can participate in sports or various academic pursuits as they get older. The price of TSCC is way to high.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 07:00AM

Please go to several churches and ask to see their playgrounds and children's classrooms. Ask how much they pay their education directors and what training and educational training they have. Is there turnover? If so, why? Do they do background checks on those who have access to youth and children?

The answers you'll get and the comparisons will curl your hair if you actually dig into these issues. Don't believe the propaganda unless you do your homework and find it valid.

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Posted by: cytokine ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 07:37AM

I was a skeptic for years, but didn't quit attending until my kids were old enough that I could begin to seriously contemplate what it would mean for them to be raised in the church.

Not only did I not stay in the church for my children's sake, I fully quit the church, in part, for my children's sake.

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Posted by: RPackham ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 11:13AM

Rosa135 wrote:

> We all know that the church has one of the best, if not the best, social and family programs around and the most activities.

Oh, please rethink that! That statement is just Mormon propaganda.

Please read my analysis at "Raising Children as Mormon" http://packham.n4m.org/children.htm

See also my response to statements like "Mormonism makes me a better person" at http://packham.n4m.org/better.htm

And welcome to this group!

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Posted by: Albinolamanite ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 11:37AM

Please re-think that indeed.

My son is now 12 and in the 7th grade. He was born when I was 19. He is happy and well-adjusted. He is highly intelligent and works hard in school. He loves science and is in an advanced math course at his Junior High. He participates in sports and performs at a high level. He is a student ambassador that helps new students adjust by getting to know them and walking them to their classes when they arrive.

He is this way without ever having virtually any religious influence in his live. I made sure of that. In a way he was kind of my own project to see how he would turn out. We attended a feel-good evangelical church for about 6 months when he was younger but left when they started preaching hatred toward LGBT's. I don't take credit for any of this, it's just who he is. He is this way as a result of genetic and environmental factors. The only credit I take is that we've tried to teach him truth rather than fairy tales of heaven and hell. We won't make him feel guilty if he masturbates and we know that he is not perfect and will make mistakes (maybe even serious mistakes). I mean, what can I tell him? I was a teenage dad so I'm not going to pass judgment on his decisions other than to let him know how it went for me and why he might want to re-consider.

The point is, by taking your kids to mormon church and/or activities you are only instilling fear, guilt, shame, superiority, etc. They will make their own choices just like you did. Why would you want to give them another barrier to overcome when they get older? Your children will recognize and appreciate that you taught them truth when they get older. I promise you that.

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Posted by: Mnemonic ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 11:37AM

The LDS church is a money grubbing, soul sucking, screwed up organization. You know that already because you stopped going. If you raise your kids in the church you will screw them up for life.

You can teach your children to be part of something bigger without burdening them with the shackels of religion. Teach them to care for the environment and their fellow humans who are less fortunate. Teach them the value of service by helping out at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen instead of scrubbing toilets for a multi billion dollar corporation. Teach them the morals of not doing harm to others while not allowing others to do harm to them. Teach them to love, respect, and enjoy their bodies without the religous guilt that makes normal human emotions, feelings, and desires a SIN.

You can do so much better for your children by keeping them away from religion in general and the LDS church specifically.

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Posted by: The Oncoming Storm - bc ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 12:00PM

Welcome aboard!

I spent a lot of time both in the closet and out of the closet. There are pros and cons to both. Overall I prefer being out of the closet.

However, I have been more fortunate than most in that my family has acted very mature about this and have not attempted to re-convert me. I do think I did some things right to help facilitate that, but most of the credit goes to them. If you come out of the closet you risk not being so lucky and it having a very negative impact on the relationship.

If your husband is open to looking at things at all - here's a great place to start:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ac_fLUHiBw

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Posted by: nomo_angelchaps ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 12:18PM

Hi and welcome to this group! If you are in the treasure valley area, there are some great non-denominational Christian churches that I have checked out. Eagle Christian and Ten Mile Christian are just two of them that I found very accepting and both have kids programs.
If I had the chance to do it over again, I would have left long ago and taken my kids out. They suffered a lot at the hands of "good mormons" that put them through hell. My daughter never had any really good friends that were mormon because all the mormon kids were so judgemental - along with their parents. I can't tell you how many tearful discussions we had while she was growing up. My son recognized the truth of it all long before the rest of us did and he has been out for a long time. My daughter is now married to a TBM and they are raising their kids that way. It's agony for me to watch them brainwash my precious grandchildren. My grandson thinks that all rich people are mormon. If you pay your tithing God will bless you with riches. They live in a fairly affluent ward so he just assumes that only if you are mormon you are blessed.
Please do what you can to stay away from this organization. I know it's a tough road to go down when you only have TBM's as relatives. I put up with my mother calling me for many years every single week trying to get me to go to church. She just knew that would solve all my problems. HA! She now has dementia and doesn't even know me anymore, so the phone calls have ceased. I live a very peaceful life now and go to church - any that I want to - when I want to. I've been out 10 years and it's been the best ten years of my life. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make. Take care of you. The path you have chosen is not an easy one, but you can never un-learn the truth once you know it. Be true to yourself.

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Posted by: Mormoney ( )
Date: December 18, 2012 01:01PM

Welcome!!!!

To comment on your statement about one of the best social programs, I grew up in the church, so I certainly wouldn't have disagreed with you. I'm from an area with very low mormon population, so I was consistently the only mormon kid in my school, so I always had 2 sets of friends, church friends and school/neighbor friends.

It was my understanding that growing up in the church and having church friends was very wholesome, knowing people with similar standards. So I convinced myself that I enjoyed it and those friends. It was clear though that bullying existed amongst fellow church goers as much if not more so than in school. Backstabbing etc. There was actually a culture of it. While admittedly, I sometimes acted like a bully, there were times that I was so severely bullied, but a different style of bullying than the school kind that made me feel less worthy than those doing the bullying. Kind of a spiritual bullying.

In addition, the amount of guilt that I faced as a teen, for things so normal, like masturbation, I always felt like I was the only one doing it. I honestly felt like I was in satan's grasp and that I was wicked and needed to change my ways or I wouldn't be worthy to go on a mission, to the temple to do baptisms etc, and I'd be the only one left behind, never able to get married, let alone in the temple.

I honestly feel for so many reasons to do with growing up in the church, that some of my best years were wasted. So what that I was shielded from all the smoking and drinking and pot smoking that went on at school and by school friends. Here I was torn, trying to be the good little mormon boy at school, all the while feeling completely unworthy at church.

Growing up in church for me was not the rosy picture that family and church made it out to be. No one on the outside knows the kind of hell that a person goes through, and that all your internal feelings and guilt are all your own fault, and not a systemic problem. I do believe that it is a systemic problem, and having separated myself from it, I've found that I was certainly not the only one going through hell being raised in the church.

I've resigned from the church, my 7 year old will have no part of that growing up, I don't want him to experience what I experienced. He'll have life challenges no doubt, but I will merely be there to coach him through his challenges, but tell him that he needs to live with no regrets. But to be a good person.

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