Posted by:
JeffH
(
)
Date: December 20, 2012 04:57PM
We're on a Disney vacation right now, and while my son who turned 4 on Tuesday has little interest in standing in long lines just to get a picture with a character, he does enjoy seeing them around, and in the parades, and in the various attractions, whether it be people in costumes, robotics, or animation. He watches Disney TV shows and has seen a few movies, so he's familiar with many of them.
Since he's been able to effectively communicate, he has told or asked me on at least a few occasions that it's pretend. I think it started with questions a couple times, and I answered truthfully - something like "Is Mickey real? Can a mouse really talk?", to which I would say, "no, Mickey is just a cartoon and not a real mouse." Now when seeing a Mickey Mouse he usually just enjoys it and doesn't bring it up, but he sometimes will tell me that the Mickey Mouse character he sees on TV is just a cartoon - real mice don't talk and act like humans. He also pointed out to me that the Mickeys and other characters he sees during our vacation are only pretend - that people are wearing costumes. All that, and he still loves it, and so do I. If there are moments when in his mind the fantasies all seem real, that's fine with me. I don't try to point out the reality of things just to keep him in check in some way. But when he asks me about it, and he sometimes does, I confirm for him that it's pretend, but I also let him know how much I enjoy it and how much fun it can be to pretend.
Santa hasn't been much different, other than it seems my son has taken less interest in Santa than he has in Disney. He asked me a few weeks ago if Santa was pretend, and I told him yes, and that many people enjoy it. About a week after that, I asked him if he wanted to visit the Santa in a mall to talk about what he wants for Christmas. He was much more interested in our mini golf plans than talking to Santa and so was I. But if in future years he wants to play along with the Santa myth, that's cool, since I enjoy most of it, but I suspect he will know we're just playing around.
I'm not one who was harmed by actually believing in Santa, but I think others have been, so the potential for harm does exist, and I want to keep my son to be at minimal risk of any such harm. So, perhaps I'm selling my child short of a particular opportunity to hone his critical thinking skills, but life presents itself with many such opportunities every day, and I think he can do without one that could potentially make him re-think his trust in me.
All that said, if others want to present the Santa myth to their children as real, then it doesn't bother me in individual situations where, in my best estimation, no harm is done, and I suspect that's most cases. So, I'm not going to spoil whatever my friends and relatives get out of it.
Also, I'm not one who insists on always being honest to my child. I'll tell a quick lie if it's expedient. So for me it's not an issue of trying to be a completely honest parent at all times. But in the case of Santa, I think there is the potential for the child to feel a significant and long-lasting sense of betrayal, and that's a risk I don't want to take.