I just posted this on the web site that's red and sounds like "get it", and I figured it might be useful for folks to see it here as well

Mormon passive-aggressive behavior.

The book “Living with the Passive–Aggressive Man” lists 11 observations that may help identify passive–aggressive behavior (while this book is geared toward women who have relationships with passive-aggressive men, the same principles can be applied for women dealing with women or men dealing with men or women, as you’ll notice below, the terms “he”, “his”, and “him” can be changed to “she”, “her”, “hers”)

* Fear of Dependency: Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs—usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn’t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battlegrounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.

* Fear of Intimacy: Guarded and often mistrustful, the passive-aggressive man is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He’s often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will “trap” or reveal him, like love. He picks fights just to create distance between you.

* Fear of Competition: Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he’ll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power—male or female. Few passive-aggressive men are “good sports.”

* Obstructionism: Just tell the passive-aggressive man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won’t say when, and he’ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won’t comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.

* Fostering Chaos: The passive-aggressive man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone, taking on more and more responsibilities until his life is nothing but unfinished business. He sets up ongoing chaotic situations that are intolerable if your life is linked to his. But should you offer a useful suggestion to improve things, just watch his resentment grow.

* Feeling Victimized: The passive-aggressive man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reproach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.

* Making Excuses and Lying: The passive-aggressive man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not getting to a meeting on time, making love, meeting deadlines, fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation of love—to have power over you—the passive-aggressive man may choose to make up a convoluted story rather than give a straight answer. Not only is he a genius at ignoring reality when he so chooses, so he is a virtuoso at spinning tales to make reality look better.

* Procrastination: The passive-aggressive man has an odd sense of time—he believes that deadlines don’t exist for him. As he dawdles and procrastinates far beyond most anyone else’s limit of patience, opportunities are lost and time I squandered.

* Chronic Lateness and Forgetfulness: One of the most infuriating and inconsiderate of all passive-aggressive traits is this man’s inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting (“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to pick up the groceries”) is literally, not to be believed—it’s too convenient and self-serving, used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.

* Ambiguity: He’s the master of mixed messages and sitting on fences, and his language is filled with nonspecific suggestions. He’s good at “maybe we can go away for the weekend … let’s hang loose … maybe we can have dinner.” When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.

* Sulking: Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the passive-aggressive man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws. Deep signs are his preferred mode of communication, which makes reaching him all the more difficult.

Source: http://books.google.com/books?id=JIyyid3xRyEC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=snippet&q=Convenient%20forgetfulness&f=false

DSM-IV Appendix B

Passive–aggressive personality disorder was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study") because of controversy and the need for further research on how to also categorize the behaviors in a future edition. As an alternative, the diagnosis personality disorder not otherwise specified may be used instead.
The DSM-IV Appendix B definition is as follows:

1. A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

* passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks
* complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others
* is sullen and argumentative
* unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority
* expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate
* voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune
* alternates between hostile defiance and contrition

2. Does not occur exclusively during major depressive episodes and is not better accounted for by dysthymic disorder.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive%E2%80%93aggressive_behavior

He didn't have the fear of intimacy or competition. He didn't feel victimized or make excuses. But he was a master at the other ones.

His wife, who is a convert, recently ordered him to see a phychiatrist.

I have never met more passive aggressive men than Mormons. Elbowing people to get on a plane, cutting others off at the Costco check out counter, threatening to kill you if you honk at them after they have spent 4 minutes at a yield sign trying to figure out how it works. They are really unbelievable douche bags. They can't get angry and lose it, at least outside of the home, because that is bad, so they stew in bitter, porn addicted, halo playing, debt drowning sauce for all eternity.

lol, I like it, you hit the nail on the head!

Oh, holy $#!t. I'm married to the person OP described. All of it. [Spouse] was raised TBM and ILs are still ultra-TBM.

People often jest about 'Mormon Standard Time', but I wonder what percentage of time it's either conscious or sub-conscious 'Passive-Aggressive Behaviour' (as opposed to having to get a large number of young kids ready for a deadline!)?