So, I had Christmas eve dinner at my house. My fiance asked me beforehand if my family would expect a prayer on the food. I said they probably would. I felt a bit awkward about it, and caved and asked if anyone wanted to say a blessing. Of course, someone volunteered immediately.

Next time, I want to be able to just start eating without a blessing on the food. It's not that I am that opposed to it but it just seems kinda weird now.

How have others here handled this mixed religion thing?

I've noticed in my extended jack mormon/non-mormon/non-religous-at-all family, they usually still bless the food at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. It's their one time to do it for tradition's sake, it seems.

Since becoming an atheist I don't say a prayer thanking "God" for the food, but I've taken a Buddhist approach to it and saying I am thankful for the food on my plate, thankful I have enough to eat, thankful for the farmers and ranchers who raised it.....it doesn't get that deep each and every time, but I do say a word of thanks.

I don't thank Jesus for the food, I thank Jose deJesus for doing the hard work that brings the food to me.

In my family, if we're guests at another family member's home, we have a blessing on the food. If they are guests at our home, we don't. I used to invite our Mormon family guests to say a blessing even at my home, but like you I felt weird doing that. So then I decided that I would just start eating. Others would get the message and start too. Now I feel a lot more comfortable.

My parents live a fair distance away, and I visit them often by myself, so it's just the three of us for meals. They sometimes ask me to bless the food. If they do, I do. I don't like to say a blessing, but I figure there's no harm in it and it makes them feel better. When I visit with my wife and children, they never ask me to say a blessing. I prefer that.

Sitting down for a meal sets up the moment people would want to pray. But if everyone is still hanging around the house and you come out with trays of hors d'oeurvre, then another small finger food, then some tapas, and then a table (with no chairs) set up with a buffet, oops, they're having dinner and no one noticed.

I have not really a problem if someone is blessing the food. For me is it manners to let them do it.
Really annoying is it to me, if someone in Mc D starts to do that. I have a coworker who didn’t get the message that a prayer should be short. He gives in the middle of Mc D prayer speeches.

Since anyone can simply pause for a minute and say a silent prayer any time they want, I think it rude to get everyone in the room to join in a collective prayer without regards to the customs of the others.

I tried something new this year. When everyone was seated I said, "dig in." And that took care of that.

I am the only practicing Christian in my local family, and I am not in the habit of praying outloud before meals, nor have I taught my children to do it.

However, at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, my family insists on repeating a children's grace (the children are all older teenagers or in their twenties.) If I can jump in soon enough, I offer a prayer to deflect the embarrassing and childish grace.

A few years ago, at my house, my brother-in-law took it upon himself to lead the child's grace. I was really mad. It's my house, I am the hostess, and I decide if we say grace or not. I'd rather not say grace than repeat a meaningless grace.

Start it with a toast even if you just use your water glasses.

My mother-in-law, an atheist always asked us if we'd like to bless the food when we visited, holidays or not. She has class. How awesome to show respect for our beliefs, even if they are vastly different from hers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2012 02:43AM by twojedis.

Or when she is a guest in your house, NOT have a prayer to show respect for HER.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2012 11:35AM by MJ.

I don't see any reason not to let other people bless the food if it makes them feel good to do so.

They can simply say a silent prayer and everyone can be comfortable. So why involve others?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2012 11:36AM by MJ.

there's nothing stopping anyone from offering a SILENT prayer if they feel the need. otherwise it's pushy and rude in other people's homes.

Don’t open or close in the name of anybody just say something like this.

“I’d like to give thanks for this meal.
I’m thankful to each of you for being able to share this special day with us.
I’m thankful for everybody who helped bring this meal to our home. The farmer, the grocer, the bakers, the truckers, and everyone else who had a part in it, all the way down to the cashiers and the baggers. Thank You.
I’m thankful for those of you who put your own time, effort and love into preparing a dish. I hope that each us can feel the love that went into preparing this meal as we partake.
I am thankful for this opportunity and truly humbled by the love that we have brought together today. May we all enjoy and share it together.
Amen.”

As long as my mom was alive we did a grace before holiday meals. My brother and I got to the point where we could offer up something suitable upon request with no angst attached to it. It pleased her so it was no big deal. We still do it if someone at the table feels strongly about it. It is possible to do a blessing that is non-religious (i.e. "We are thankful for...")

Good food
Good meat
Thanks God
Let's eat

Thank you all for the great suggestions!

My S.O.'s brother came over for christmas with his wife & kids. He had each of his kids say a prayer. I, of course, kept my eyes open the whole time and watched. The kids kept peeking to see what I would do and they all laughed when they saw that I was just sitting there watching everybody.

When they had all take their turn I said it was my turn so everybody got quiet. Then I thanked my S.O. and her brother's wife for cooking the food.

I thought it was a good lesson.

"If anyone would like to bless their food before we start to eat, please take a moment now to bow your head and say a short silent prayer. The rest of us will wait for you."

If you're the host in your own home and you don't want to pray, then don't pray. If your guests expect prayer they can pray silently among themselves. If they confront you about it, find your balls.

If you're a guest in someone else's home, you would politely endure prayer, just as guests in your home should be expected to politely tolerate its absence.

Where it gets sticky is when your TBM host knowingly and passive-aggressively asks you to say the blessing. Be prepared to either decline, or deliver a blessing that suits you.

I once said the Prayer of St. Francis in response to my brother's passive-aggression, and he responded by starting to deliver his own blessing after I finished. I found my balls and told him that if he insulted me by doing so, I would leave. He stopped. I didn't get invited to dinner again for about five years, and I've never been asked to pray since.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prayer_of_Saint_Francis

en passant Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Where it gets sticky is when your TBM host knowingly and passive-aggressively asks you to say the blessing. Be prepared to either decline, or deliver a blessing that suits you.

My mom did this Christmas day. One of my relatives is working her way out of the church. Mom knows this but put her on the spot. She isn't ready to "out" herself just yet especially in such a public setting. So she just toughed it out and said a cookie-cutter mormon prayer. It was incredibly awkward.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2012 10:57AM by peregrine.

"Dinner's ready, let's eat" then starting to eat has always worked in my home.

If they want to say a payer, they can simply pause and say a silent prayer before they eat. No need to have everyone else pause or do anything to accommodate them praying. They can do it without troubling anyone else.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2012 11:21AM by MJ.

I think for any occations the host should start off by making a toast.

Curretnly we do buffet style, We have some food out before anyone gets there and then keep adding food as it is ready. People start eating before they even recognize that they haven't said a prayer.
Anyone who wants to pray can do it silently.

Immediatly after I left Mormonism I explored Wiccanism. At my annual Holiday party for the family I burned a Yule Log complete with a blessing. I "prayed/blessed" all of the food as I was making it. When someone asked to say a prayer I honestly told them that I blessed the the food as I made it.

Now that I am agnostic I have a sort of alter out for the Holidays. It has a manger scene, Kwanzaa candles, Yule Log, statue of the Horned God, Menorrah, driedels, chocolate coins, Nutcracker doll, a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, and several kid friendly books explaining each of the holidays in December. If someone want to do a group prayer I let them know they can go to the alter and do whatever religious thing they need to do :)

When I'm a guest at somebody's home for dinner, if they want to bless the food, they can do so. I don't fold my arms but I do stay quiet and reverent.

At my house, it's not done. I expect the same amount of respect at my house as I show at others.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2012 01:36PM by cecil0812.

I've seen two ways of dealing with it:

1) stand your ground. It is your house, your dinner and your rules. Make your own traditions and invite the others in your family to be a part of them. They should also be invited to not be a part of them if they need the overt act of a very visible prayer to make the holiday good for them.

2) Have a prayer because while you don't believe you still want others to feel comfortable in your home. When it comes down to it, a prayer is fake anyways and if someone wants to offer it there is no real damage done.

Whatever your choice is stick with it.

Good luck for next time :)

I think the easiest would be just not to ask or offer. You're the host, you take the lead. If you're a guest at someone's home and a prayer isn't offered, the polite thing to do would be go with the flow and say a silent prayer to yourself if you need to, or if a prayer is offered, even as a nonbeliever, to take a moment of silence and endure.

The question is, how much do you *not* want prayer? And what are the dynamics? Hardly any of us think about it anymore, but a family member will remind us. It was BIL's mother who mentioned something this last time, so we stopped and said a prayer. No biggie. But if BIL's family did not want prayer in their home, this is something that should have been discussed ahead of time, knowing how religious his mother is.

I was uncomfortable doing it for years, but as the patriarch of my little family I did it out of respect for the loving Christian manner I was raised. I said grace this Christmas at my never-mo Christian son's home when he requested I do so. I don't feel anything spiritual per-Se when I do it but again, it's a matter of respect for my family.

Ron Burr