My wife is still a TBM. I've been wanting to test out drinking. I've been taking it slow with all my steps I feel like. I've been "out" for a little over a year now. We've talked and I currently have her permission but she still doesn't like it. She's ok with it as long as she never see's it. I'm not trying to rock the boat, but I am trying to shed my old beliefs and live my new ones. It's tough on me to do something directly like that that I know she doesn't like.

The question is, how do you guys handle it? Sure I can just not do it, and that's what i've been doing. But I want to.

That's why bars (especially neighborhood bars) were invented. Go in and have a seat at the bar. Pick a spot where you can have a good view of one of the playoff games. Ask the bartender what beers he has on tap. Pick one. Enjoy a glass. Maybe munch some bar food.Chat a bit with the bartender or your fellow patrons if you feel so inclined. Then pop in a breath mint and go home. :-)

One beer should make you feel relaxed and in a mood to enjoy life, but you won't get suddenly stupid from it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2013 07:52PM by summer.

but I'll say this again. My "ex" is gay--when he left me some 17 years ago, his mother called me (kept me on the phone for 6-1/2 hours in the evening and I had two 10 year olds).

Anyway--she had just found out her son is gay, that he had abandoned his family. She asked me if he "smokes or drinks." I said, "No." She said, "Oh good."

HUH?

Which would your wife prefer?

She just found out after all this time?

That was 17 years ago. Nobody in his family knew until we were married. Come to find out, a brother who died in his 20s was also gay--and he has an older sister who is lesbian, but a married mormon in her 60s.

I found it "interesting" that she was only concerned about smoking and drinking, but then his family is all about what everybody doesn't know--only about appearances.

His family is "good" to him (his mother died 3 years ago in her 90s)--but they DO NOT accept his lifestyle. Actually, at his mother's funeral, they put me in the obituary and the program as being his wife (we aren't divorced) and have asked me to never get a temple divorce.

Well, having decided a couple of weeks ago that the church was no longer the one true and correct one I bought some Bailey's Irish Cream. It was tasty and I have not been struck down by lightning, yet anyway. Does have a burn. My DH didn't like the alcohol burn, though. We broke ranks together, so I don't have to worry about the spouse issue. If you just want to try alcohol the liquor stores here sell one shot sample bottles for $1-$3 so you wouldn't have to worry about how to store the rest of the bottle. The good stuff is expensive, though. Wouldn't consider it worth the "danger of getting caught" to buy the cheap stuff.

Alcohol is a rebellion thing for me. Nothing like breaking an old rule to show they can't boss me around anymore.

Wouldn't recommend getting drunk. I bet that would really tick off your wife.

I had a girlfriend who used to own a bar... When the bar went out of business, she took all the booze with her.

Interesting experience.

Yukon Jack. Stuff is so smooth... Tillamore Dew Irish Whisky... and I don't, as a rule, like Irish whiskey...

One of the things that had always sounded fun to me for some reason was a rum and Coke. This works well around my still believing spouse because he has no problem with having rum around the house for Bananas Foster or BBQ pineapple. But he really doesn't notice when I throw some in the Coke I'm drinking. The problem with this plan is there is very little experimenting - you can only experiment with what you buy for cooking. But I love rum and Coke as much as I thought I would so even when we went to Vegas last year and I went to a bar, I ordered a rum and Coke. :)

You can definitely experiment with rum and coke. White rum, IMO, is meant for foo-foo fruity drinks, daquiris and pina colada type drinks, spiced rum (we prefer sailor Jerry ) is good in coke and really in the foo foo drinks as well. If you like the taste of the liquor (I do) try Myers dark in a coke. It really depends on the mood I am in.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2013 03:21PM by cl2.

I guess i'm not the norm.

If DH and I had this issue (we don't), I would say he could drink, but ONLY around me. When my husband has had a few, I would be curious about a few things. Who he's hanging out with, is he driving? Where does he go to drink? What does he like to drink? How much, and how often is he drinking?

Why would I insist on being kept in the dark?

and family. I can get ANY answers from my boyfriend when he has had a few drinks.

I have to reply also to some statements below--we have alcoholism in our family. Everyone was concerned I'd become an alcoholic as I have a very addictive personality. I have yet to have a BUZZ. I don't really like the stuff and drink sparingly. The only thing alcohol does is put me to sleep. Every other member of my family who drinks, drinks to excess (and that isn't coming from a mormon perspective--they even think so).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2013 03:24PM by cl2.

I am a child of alcoholic.

When I was overseas, I made a fish look like a teetotaler.

Then, when I came back, I stopped. No more, nothing.

When I worked in Saudi Arabia, some of the people in the compound where I lived made what they called 'pruno'. Enough to gag a maggot; but I guess they couldn't do without it...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2013 05:01PM by John_Lyle.

Before you begin using alcohol, check you family history. Not for dunking the deceased. Rather, the problems with alcohol are a matter of your genes. It relates to how your body handles sugars. If you have a family history of depression, diabetes, and alcoholism, don't try the booze. Not worth it. Don't figure it won't get you. It is for those reasons and that my DW and I both decided not to drink long before we joined TSCC. This is not to say that one is not tempted to try just a little wine with dinner or some creme de menthe on ice cream.

I have TBM spouse and I drink. I am trying to rock the boat though haha. I have found that I quite enjoy alcohol. Just watch when you start, everybody else your age has a pretty big headstart in knowing how to handle their alcohol. I'm still working out where my limits are.

This is so spot on. Part of the "problem" with alcohol is people not being raised with a healthy respect for it. When I hear about some libidos in spouses being different or non existent I think, have a glass of wine!, it really can help so much.

... just start out with mixed drinks.

rum & coke -- a great way to give two middle-fingers to the church.

I was a pretty heavy soda drinker as a TBM -- so a vodka and soda in hand looks pretty normal around the house -- course that twist of lime is a give-away that I took a bit more time on this drink than straight 7-up. ;-)

Sailor Jerry and Dr. Pepper, soooo good! You can call it a Sailor Pepper, good times IMO.

goat Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> She's ok with it as long as she
> never see's it.

I tried having a drink at home with my wife. It was painfully making her uncomfortable so I never do this.

I drink with her in social situations but she doesn't like it but tolerates it.

It isn't fun with her although after a couple and I'm through drinking she will lighten up. I never get drunk. I don't like being drunk.

I have alcohol at home for when I'm alone. Drinking alone also sucks so I don't do it very often. I only do it if I want a pleasant buzz to zone out to the t.v.

I've got out with friends without her quite a bit but they like to drink heavier than I do and it is expensive so I don't do this much now.

2010 was supposed to be my year for drinking beer and wine at home. All my ex-Mo kids supported me. Now it's 2013, and I'm still in a state of wimping out because I don't want to risk setting off TBM DW. She's naive and thinks people pass out in drunkenness after one bottle of beer or one glass of wine, even though she's been to so many work parties and dinners where people drink freely. She has probably never even seen a drunk person.

I'm such a putz. I wish I could make myself keep a six-pack in the fridge. I'd die for some Alaskan Amber right now, or something from Deschutes Brewery.

How will she ever learn that, after one bottle of beer, you down't turn into werewolf, (unless, of course, you have lycanthropy), unless you show her?

Bring one bottle of beer home and drink it to show her.

It's your life! Live it!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2013 05:08PM by John_Lyle.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2013 05:11PM by John_Lyle.

When my hubby was out and I was in, yeah, the whole three weeks, I went form not wanting him to drink coffee at all to letting him bring it home. I didn't want him to sneak and hide because I didn't think it was good for our relationship. I also realized that he was a grown man, and how humiliating to have to ask your wife's permission to do something that all normal grown men are allowed to do.

How long until you found the beauty of Baileys?

After a couple of months, I tried some at sithlord's sister's house, and I then bought some and put it in coffee or hot cocoa all the time. It was an ordeal trying to get some, involving a few missteps due to my inexperience with liquor store hours and weekends in my neck of the woods.

My TBM DW is a sweetheart. When I jumped off the WoW wagon a few years ago, she cast a few dirty looks my way whenever I imbibed. She's gotten past that and seems to tolerate, if not support, my "mormon sins". (She gave me a Cuisinart coffee grinder for Christmas last year.)

We go out for dinner a time or two each month with our home teachers (another couple about our age - 60's). I always have a Shiner Bock or a Margarita with my meal and no one expresses disapproval, outwardly at least, though I reckon my "sins" get reported back to someone in authority. But, no one in authority has ever braced me about it. (Maybe an old fart like me who flushes zero $$ down the LDS commode, and hasn't for a number of years, is considered a lost cause.)

My wife was totally against me drinking. One day a friend of mine gave me a bottle of deep red wine. I brought it home and started drinking from it slowly and she protested to the point of anger but it started the discussion of drinking.

I pointed out Jesus drank it and even made it. She said it was grape juice so the whole refrigeration thing started. I even mentioned that grape juice spilled on the ground attracts flies and wine spilled actually sterilizes the ground.

After a few years she finally seems ok with it and now is even teaching the kids its ok but in moderation.

She won't drink it but her attitude has changed from it's wrong to I just don't think I could control myself. Which is a totally respectable reason since she has a tendency to over do everything.

Time, talking and love seems to be my wife's best way of understanding.

Anubis

My TBM wife said I could drink...but she didn't mean it and apparently forgot she said it.
A few months later when I tried to take her up on it and have a beer at a restaurant with just the two of us...she almost cried. Then when I told her I'd had drinks with coworkers she got downright pissed.
A year later I stored a pint of liqour up high where I knew she'd see it but not the kids...she never mentioned it.

But now I can tell she hates it so bad I don't want to bug her. If drinking is that offensive to her then I'll just do it behind her back.

A mormon thinks anything you do to bug them is deliberate capricious persecution. They think we drink just to spite them, as a form of mockery.
Frankly, mormonism is a delusion that you can't always handle reasonably. Sometimes you just have to sneak around it because it's like a dog that going to bark at you for nothing.

Drinking is as interesting topic for me. I have studied things and I feel like a beer is probably healthier for you than a soda (although that's my ignorant opinion having never experienced it). Somehow trying out alcohol has become a thorn in my side of living what I believe, because I say that I believe it is better than soda but I never drink it. I probably drink 2 sodas a month right now (and I anticipate that that's about as far as any other drink will go, I don't like to spend a lot of money on it and I like to drink a lot of water).

I have a brother who was an alcoholic. I believe he was because of the rebellion that drove him away from the church in his teenage years. He was into all sorts of drugs and what not. I'm not an expert by any means on alcoholism, but I believe his problem stemmed from having church stuffed down his throat. I have felt a need to rebel, I have felt a dark side of me that wants to come out. I don't want to repress things and pretend I don't feel them because they make me bad. I want to explore responsibly.

I do have a few other brothers who drink (I have a big family), and it appears to me to not show any signs of alcoholism.

I only rarely get out away from my wife for a guys night or something. Without her support i'm just not in a situation to do it a lot. But I still want to. I've actually wanted to for years, i've just started pushing it more now as I have decided to fully leave the church.

I've had a sip once but I don't drink.

1) Because of my TBM spouse. I know this would be particularly upsetting to her. It would probably be the 2nd most upsetting thing I could do next to sleeping around. I don't need her permission, but I don't know what I'm missing so it's worth it to keep the peace somewhat.

2) I know myself and my personality and I know I am at a much higher risk for alcoholism than the average person. It's certainly most likely that it wouldn't ruin my life, but for me I don't think it's worth the gamble.

My wife gave me permission to drink, but the few times she has smelled it on my breath she would make comments about it. I few years ago we went to Cabo San Lucas and I really wanted to try a mexican beer, so I ordered one with my lunch. I really enjoyed the beer but didn't enjoy the wife scowling at me.

So I've found it easier to not drink when she is around. I'll answer truthfully if she asks me about it though.

In my neck of the woods, if someone doesn't drink, its usually because they are into uppers. I hate tweaks more then drunks.