This is the email I got, verbatim, with the names removed.

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HEY [2humble4u]!!!!!

We need YOU - Yes, YOU - to come to the SYE.* Seriously, come. I'm not joking. The younger youth need your support and if they see you attending activities, it will help promote them and get everyone excited. Although it's during exams, please make the time to support the youth, no excuses unless you're vomiting your guts out your ears.

THANKS!

[Priests quorum 1st counselor]

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*For the uninitiated, SYE is a term for a Stake Youth Event, basically a mutual activity.

So exams are starting this week and the next at school, and this kid KNOWS I have an exam Friday and then two the following Monday, and he expects me to go to that stupid activity, whatever it is. I'm not going, but I thought maybe you guys (and gals) could give me some suggestions on what to reply. I don't want to be too rude (I still need to go to church each week, though I no longer do seminary or mutuals) but I want to make a point. This hasn't been the first time I've received emails from him like this, and he just doesn't seem to get the point.

Many thanks,
2humble4u

"You just made me vomit my guts out. So... sorry. I will need a couple of weeks to get over this."

+1

+2!

I say don’t attend but you decide. Here’s why I say don’t attend.

“The younger youth need your support and if they see you attending activities, it will help promote”

Basically you are to attend not for yourself but to help the young see a façade. It’s like if you are there then it's all good and true. But it’s not and if contrary to your beliefs attending would be lying.

Besides that he addressed himself as “we”. Every time I hear that I know three things about the person.

One. The person themselves does not miss me, so is lying.

Two. It feigns the authority to speak for a group which they did not get.

Three. People inside cults whether they think they are in a cult or not, talk like this and it is very impersonal. That really bothers me as an individual.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/21/2013 03:05PM by AmIDarkNow?.

"I'm sorry, but I am unable to attend." (Don't give a reason. It's not his business why you can't attend.) If he asks why, reply, "It's impossible. I'm sorry. I'll see you at church."

That, or just ignore it. I would probably ignore it. I don't like to encourage boundary-pushers if I can help it.

fake bounce emails? My mac does, and I use it all the time.

Dear PQ1C-

Thanks for the invite, but my studies come first, so I absolutely will not be attending this function.

Do NOT skip studying for this guy or his youth program. The youth might also need to put THEIR studies first over whatever the church has planned for them so they'd be well advised to follow your example for studying for finals.

"no thanks"

What does that mean exactly, "no excuses"? Will there be some kind of punishment like more toilets to clean?

In our house, studying comes first. No exceptions.

Summer said it perfectly...

> "I'm sorry, but I am unable to attend." (Don't give a reason. It's not his business why you can't attend.) If he asks why, reply, "It's impossible. I'm sorry. I'll see you at church."

"...but I thought maybe you guys (and gals) could give me some suggestions on what to reply.... but I want to make a point."

Instead of being rude, by direct and to the point...


I will not make the SYE because I NEED to focus on my exams and my classes. Education is a priority for me....






Seriously...now that my son is doing rec b-ball with a bunch of mormon kids, I can see from the outside, just how these mormon parents are neglecting their kids and letting the church raise their kids. It's scary.

I've seen the posts here where ex mo parents can't get it thru to their almost-adult kids, how important school and real relationships are.

Some mormon parents put their kids in church activities everyday of the week...then me and other either less-active mormon parents, or nomo parents wonder why the TBM parent's kids are not at parctice or the game.

Back to my son's rec league basketball team....

The last 2 games only 5 kids showed for those games.

So they had practice this week....and the coaches who are all mormon tell the team that several kids have winter camps...so guess what??? Only 5 kids this week too.

My son loves basketball but he is getting discouraged

If he confronts you, just blink and look bland.

Go "Huh?"

Hey Annoying Priests Quorum 1st Counselor!

I need YOU - Yes, YOU - to let me study for my exams. Seriously, I'm not joking. The younger youth need to see that education should be taken seriously. Please make the time to think about it before distracting me from my school work. No excuses, don't bother me during exams unless you're vomiting your guts out of your ears.

THANKS!

That is so good.
I would not reply but if I had to, I would use his own words.

Best answer so far.

LOL, love your sense of humour!

As long as your commitment is to yourself and your studying, IOW, as long as you have no intention of going, it doesn't really matter what you say.

Answer, don't reply. The sorry, no can do, no excuses is probably best, but your non-attendance, no-apologies, stance is the clearest message you can send.

Good luck on your exams.

School first. The guy sounds like a class act.

Humor is good. I would say,

"You crack me up. The vomit is only coming out my nose at the moment and my ears are fine, but I still have to stay home and study. This is my only chance at these courses."

Dear PQ1stC: My education is not an excuse; it is a reason.

Dear PQ1C,
Since I am studying for exams I thought I would give you a multiple choice answer:

A. I prefer facts to fiction
B. I prefer real friends to assigned ones
C. I prefer to act as a role model with regards to things I decide are important
D. Fuck you
E. All of the above.

Have a great time,
2H4U

Great email! I'd like to send it to every NOM I know who thinks their attendance doesn't matter to the overall success of the Evil Empire.

Anagrammy

Dear PQ1stC,

I feel honored that you ask me to attend the SYE.

Certainly you understand that there is a conflict with my exams at school. I was inspired to kneel down and pray about this situation, and the Still Small Voice told me that studying for exams is my highest priority.

So thanks for asking, but I must follow the Still Small Voice. Good luck in finding someone else to fill your needs.

Brother 2humble4u

I wouldn't bother with a response... You say you want to make a point, but what point would you make? He is a TBM following his programing, he will not get your point.

From his perspective, judging by the e-mail, Church comes first, before education, possibly even family. Unless he's ready for de-conversion, he won't listen to actual reasons. Any response you give will simply be an invitation to become a project, more than you possibly already are.

Play the "How would a TBM respond game". If you, for example, state "My education is more important" You are asking him to prove that your eternal salvation is far more important than some silly test... Or that if you have enough faith and go to the SYE, that God will help you with your test, spiritually cheating for you. If you simply state "Sorry, I can't make it." One, you've apologized for doing nothing wrong and you're asking for the "Why not? It's going to be a super cool, extra awesome event with ice cream and cookies! How 'bout I pick you up?" And then it degenerates into a back and forth where you try to keep away. If you respond with a joke, you've he will take it badly and you will rumors will start where people wonder if you are an evil apostate. If you have to attend for family reasons, you don't want to deal with that.

No, I would not respond at all. You do not owe him a response. If he asks you about it at church, all you have to say is "I couldn't make it." and leave it at that. If he presses, "I know you're being friendly and I appreciate it, but I had something else going on at the time and I couldn't make it."

Whatever you do, do not apologize, you have nothing to apologize for. You haven't done anything wrong, you should not apologize.

I hope that you don't have to attend much longer, dealing with this type of stuff gets tiresome and annoying. Another reason why I don't play the game.

Keep it simple and to the point.

If they said anything to me later I'd just say: "Oh, you SERIOUSLY thought I would skip studying for exams to go to voluntary function?"

Dear Priests person,

I don't believe the church is true. I come because I am forced to. I seriously doubt you want me there to tell the younger kids why Joseph Smith is a fraud.

Love,
2humble



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/21/2013 09:35PM by bc.

Exactly. No time like the present to man up. If you don't, you'll be soon be under the going on a mission gun.

They can't counter, "I don't believe it." Repeat that to your parents, leaders, friends as often as necessary. Quietly and without emotion works best in my experience. It's also helpful to meet their gaze until they invariably look away.

Second on the Do Not Apologize recommendations. You have nothing to be sorry about.

Reply "I WAS fine but after reading your obnoxious, inappropriate, nauseating e-mail, I am now, in fact, vomiting my guts out my ears. I guess that lets me off the hook. I will not, therefore, be attending. Thanks for your help."

Dear PQ1stC,

No.

Have a nice day.
--2humble

Vomiting out your ears...

I'd pay a dollar to see that...

"No." is a complete sentence. That's what they want - to make you explain yourself. You don't need to do that.

Realize that any kind or reason you give is covered by the "no
excuse" clause. He will come back with a counter-reason why
your reason is not good enough etc.

Say you can't make it.

Give no reason.