Thumbelina. There's this scene where there is Thumbelina, two bugs, and the bugs tell Thumbelina that she doesn't belong anywhere. I feel like those bugs are yelling at me right now. Ugh. Got back from Seminary about an hour ago, and since I have started a different perspective on the church, more views have broadened, I'm more conscious of those around me during seminary. I was awake, not hyper, and just chipper, nothing wrong with that. I wasn't going to let being in a church I hate ruin my mood, there are good people inside that church. And class begins, and there's this girl! And we've never hit it off right, and it seemed we've gotten to a point where we can be reasonable, apparently not. *sigh* It starts out a little tense. Had a snow day yesterday. Asked her how her's was. She repeated the words snow day back to me. I was confused, I thought maybe her district didn't get one, and she retorted that she did, she's in the same district as me. So class starts. Teacher asks a question(this poor bloke, but that's another story), and I say "Yea!" Kinda loud, and in a chipper, happy agreeable voice, and you know how seminary is, if you're chipper you're EVIL! Ugh. And a friend that used to be close, snickered next to this girl, I tried to give gestures such as I was embarrassed, and she purposely said something stupid later on, and because it was stupid and on purpose it was ok to not be embarrassed, I let my eye roll slip to her gaze and from what I recall she verbally told me to shut up.

I haven't fit in with my class since day 1. I think subconsciously I knew that. I would leave as soon as we were dismissed and not mingle in the halls. Today I was forced to wait in the halls a little extra due to my ride not arriving yet, and I realized there were groups, and I realized how I wasn't invited to anything, barely acknowledged. I went to online school because I couldn't make good grades, I had a group of friends, but if I truly belonged to all these friends they'd at LEAST comment on my Facebook statuses? Right? It has been a slow realization, but no matter how slow it is, it still hits you like a ton of bricks, when, your church, your school, your family, you realize, you don't belong anywhere.


Now I just gotta go find a mole to marry me off....hmm....



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2011 10:29AM by anon123.

'Is anyone goin' anywhere? Everyone gotta be somehwere...'

Stereophonics 'Traffic'

Everyone 'belongs' somewhere - you just haven't found people yet who are good enough for you to belong with.

But you will.

I didn't realize finding a place to belong was so hard. *Sigh*

I went through this growing up in the church too. Had no friends at church, and wasn't allowed to have friends outside of church. I was super busy with a heavy load of classes anyway so there wasn't much time to go out of my way to rub elbows with my peers. For years I felt like an outsider.

One day I started talking to a male friend of mine about it. He told me my problem is I just don't smile enough, and when people start giving me judgmental looks I should give them my biggest smile. It seemed really superficial, and he was a huge flirt so I laughed him off at first, but it's actually turned out to be the best advice anyone has ever given me.

I walked into church about three months back wearing my jeans and tight shirt and people just STARED! Instead of just glancing at them I'd give them a huge smile and it made them feel comfortable enough to approach me to say they're glad I came to church.

For this one particular girl maybe you should just go up and talk to her. Sometimes people just get off on the wrong foot and when one approaches the other with a "Hey, we haven't really gotten along. I think we just got started off on the wrong foot so I'd like to start over" they WILL be receptive. Walk up to her and tell her that then introduce yourself like it's the first time you've met. "Hi, my name is anon123 and I'm really glad to meet you. What's your name?" *sincere smile*

It's funny because people need to feel accepted. Even if they dislike a person and spend time putting others down they feel hurt if the person dislikes them back. She isn't putting you down to make you dislike her. She does it to gain acceptance by her other friends. I've used the approach of reintroducing myself several times when I've met people (usually a co-worker) and our initial meeting caused a rift where we didn't get along. I learned it from friend after seeing her do it with a co-worker neither of us got along with. I've never seen it fail.

anon123

It seems to me that you are an exceptional girl--and I do believe you find yourself in a place that you don't fit in.

I had the same problem in mormonism--I NEVER fit in and I tried for OH SO LONG to fit in. I'm antisocial. I like to spend time by myself. Mormonism for me was forced socialization and fake friendships. I went to church because I believed. I didn't go to socialize. I would go in and sit on the back row. My whole family is like this and we never fit into mormonism.

What I would tell you is JUST BE YOURSELF the best you can be at this point. I did find that eventually those who were interested in me would search me out. They were always the better people in the ward (and in school or at work, etc.). I still have mormon friends--some for 25 to 30 years--but those friendships were not established on the fakeness that goes along with mormonism.

My best advice is to just be yourself. It may be lonely a lot of times, but, for me, I always felt better. It is hard to say, "Don't worry what the rest of them think"--harder to FEEL IT. I was kind of forced into feeling it after my ex left me. Everyone liked my ex better than me as he was good at the mormon social game. I wanted for the longest time to stand on the roof and scream, "It isn't my fault." Now I revel in my heathen ways and get a good laugh out of neighbors' reactions. My TBM daughter was rather amazed at who came forward to her when she went back and said, "I just love your mother . . . " even now. I just don't care anymore. Been through too much to care. It is much simpler this way.

BE YOURSELF. You're going to make it.

AND if you don't feel accepted in seminary--you are accepted here or haven't you noticed?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2011 12:32PM by cl2.

Yea. I know I'm accepted here, which is why I think I feel comfortable ranting so much, and making ridiculous Disney analogies. XD

nor does it indicate how life in general will be.

Kids in HS can be cliquish, rude, anti-social, etc. If you make those kids LDS, then you can add in judgemental (and probably hypocritical). If you are different, that might be a GOOD thing.

The HS social scene is kind of messed up. Try not to let it get to you.

I know people who were socially miserable in high school but who are well-adapted for life among adults (my husband is one of them). On the other hand, I know people who were popular in high school but seem stuck on childish popularity games and mindset.

Why are you going to seminary? (I assume you don't believe, as you are post here).

Going because my dad is my ride, so can't exactly ditch. Next year though.

University life will be where your life blossoms! Hang in there!

I never fit in with the mormon girls either, and I am now damn proud of it!

Yea homemaking and being a future baby factory does not sound pleasing.

I felt horny. I sat behind and next to two hot girls in seminary. My thoughts were never on the lessons they were in the gutter.

This morning was fun. Up all night, too exhausted to even drive(I have my permit), which is usually the highlight of my mornings. Teach asked if I was awake halfway through class. Mind you my head was down, and I had been asleep since the beginning. Heard a girl say "she's awake, she just moved." Then woken up near the end of the class to read five freaking verses. And I must have drooled a little(GREAT!), because when the same girl was suggested to let me use her scriptures she mentioned something about me chewing them. And I know the whole class just sees me as this bedhead(wish I could wear P.Js too. Not like I'm going anywhere else after class!), annoying, weird freak. I know that's a huge assumption, but I'm a very good what's the word? Empathist? I can feel what others feel around me, and in such a small classroom, it's obvious. I can't stand this anymore!

...it's more a reflection of what's going on in their lives than anything to do with you. If one of your peers is chronically mean, nasty, etc., think about what they must be living with at home.

I agree with Vhainya above -- smile at them, be pleasant, kind, and positive, and then if they return negativity to you, just let it roll off of your shoulders. You can't control other people but you can control yourself.

And don't worry about falling asleep in class. You're hardly the first teen to do that! Do try to get more rest, though. Keep working on that, okay?

Your day will come. You will find friends who think that you're wonderful, and you'll have so much fun with them. Keep your chin up!

There may be hope after all. My(one) friend is joining me tomorrow. I don't mention her much, because she's a bit erm. Unstable? But a good friend none the less. So hopefully I'll be able to tolerate Seminary.

Can I ask why you are home schooled? I think the social outlet of public school would be good for you.

Oh Jesus, that's not good at all. I'm home schooled as well, anon123, I feel your pain.

As soon as you turn sixteen, apply for work until you get accepted. You'll need the time away from home to clear your mind of all the nonsense you've put up with so far. It will also make time pass you by, something you'll most likely come to be grateful for.

I'm looking for a job right now. And I'm homeschooled, because my straight F's didn't agree with my college plans(or currently lack thereof. XD)

I also have a self-employed job, not very social, and since the "house isn't clean"(freaking mormon dad) I may not be working that job for awhile. Grr. I have a lot of plans job wise.

What is your self-employed job?

I'm a balloon artist. I make this specialized balloons into animals or other things. I'm currently working on a site to do deliveries, birthday parties, I'm interested in the decorating business, you know such as the balloon arches and such? Very exciting. I guess with less time for the restaurants, I'll have more time for the site. Problem is I can never find a good place to record for videos, never a good background for pictures. *sigh* Which is why I can't wait to MOVE OUT!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2011 10:21PM by anon123.

Was it just a short term thing?

I was *slightly* beginning to struggle in traditional school in 6th grade. Then we moved halfway cross the country. Back home to Colorado. And school has been tough ever since.

You have the change in curriculum, and then trying to fit in with a new peer group (who have known each other forever.)

Online school works for some kids. How's it working for you?

I got a little behind. But when I was staying on top of it(not that hard) it's wonderful!