There is a theory that emotions are tied to physical ailments and if a person, for example, has had repeated bronchial infections for weeks it may be because they need to get something off their chest. While I'd never give up conventional medicine, I'm so tired of being sick I'd run down the street naked at this point to get better so I'm going to try to get a few things off my chest. Feel free to add your list:

1. I hate the way Mormons silence exmos. They are absolutely gifted at being able to bad-mouth you, discredit you, judge you behind your back and leave you almost no way to defend yourself. Most of the time, all you can do is just leave.

2. Secretly, I feel way more sorry for my evil, screaming bishop than I hate him. I did a little research into his background (hey, I used to be a journalist and it's what I do) and he is a far bigger victim of Mormonism than I ever was. Without going into specifics, Mormon teachings have really damaged him and it's truly sad. And he keeps desperately looking to Mormonism to repair the damage. On the other hand, I hate feeling sorry for him because he's still the jackass that yelled at me during his little white-trash meltdown.

3. It's not about forgiving for me - it's about having the chance to see people as they really are, see them with their masks off, and not being able to respect what I see. It's very hard for me to respect the majority of the Mormons in my day-to-day life. Because they are more loyal to a CHURCH than their God or their family or their friends. They break their God's commandments to defend their church and they attack basic human loyalties without a second thought to be loyal to an organization. I don't think my feelings about this will ever change. I can be friendly with them, I'd help them if they needed me but what I can't do is consider them a friend.

4. My two biggest problems with Mormonism is that the church lies and that I don't want to be like the Mormons I know. Attention Mormons: I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE YOU!!! Period.

5. I also will not ever be able to forgive the church and it's teachings for conning me into a temple wedding and out of a real wedding with my Daddy walking me down the aisle. Well, the beach actually, at sunset.

6. I think it's beyond creepy the way Mormons target children, especially the children of inactives. They have all kinds of programs and activities and temple trips and Personal Progress/Duty to God books and it's all designed to program people to think like Mormons. And the people in charge show up at YOUR house and tell you what their plans are for YOUR kids and are constantly trying to lure them into the Mormon way of thinking, regardless of the parents beliefs or feelings. The mere fact that they can justify this behavior to themselves is so far beyond sick I can't even find the words to describe it.

7. I want to move to get away from a ward full of people who have an unusually bad sense of boundaries and are really freaking me out because of their two-faced behavior. At the same time, I realize that these are probably really nice, well-meaning people who have been programmed so thoroughly they are doing outrageous things without a clue as to how wrong those things are. The fact that this is even possible is depressing, scary and I wish I knew where the line was between good intentions and good people.

8. It really, really hurt my feelings that not even those people I considered my BEST friends asked me why I wasn't at church. They either didn't care or didn't want to hear or believed the lie that I was offended. I was never offended - I studied my way out. It was an absolute lie but people just made up lies about me without even asking me what the truth was. It was a real slam to my character and not only did my friends not defend me, they didn't even clue me in that I was being trashed like that. They believed a lie about me without even giving me the benefit of the doubt. Who DOES that? What kind of people do that? What kind of friends are those and why did I make friends with people like that? People I would never want to be like ever.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to spend quality time with my antibiotics and a steamer, on the off-chance the above rant doesn't get everything off my chest that should be off it. Thanks for listening. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2011 03:56PM by CA girl.

“They believed a lie about me without even giving me the benefit of the doubt. Who DOES that? What kind of people do that?” Answer: CULT members. Rules for friendships among cult members differ considerably from rules of friendship in general society.

As to TSCC, all of us here were duped. Feeling anger about how we were duped and about how we are now a non-person in the eyes of others we thought were friends, is a natural reaction.

However, none of this the real problem.

In my perception, everything you listed in your O.P. would bother you far, far less if your husband respected your boundaries when it comes to the church and insisted on others (e.g. the HTs) respecting them as well. BUT HE DOESN’T. THAT is what is really bothering you. And IMO THIS is why you have been so sick… because this is very unpleasant and unwelcome information; difficult to accept, much less face.

Would you consider counseling, CA girl?

Hoping to see you happier at some point,
WWN

but it is a valid one. We need to work out a few things because he's pretty independent and not at all a Peter priesthood, but then the bad Mormon programming will come out and he gets...not controlling exactly but more like a buffalo lying down in the road in Yellowstone. There is no moving him or, as I say to him "lead, follow or get out of the way" but he won't do any of those things. He'll just lie there in the way making it impossible to solve whatever my problem is. I'm not saying he should solve my problem but he should get out of my way and let me fix things myself, at least. That would apply to the Mormon boundary thing too because he wants me to play along and be nice with the Mormons even when I feel like they are being horrible to me because he says "they mean well".

1. The exmo is single, and free to set appropriate boundaries.

2. The exmo is married, and DH (regardless of whether he is TBM, exmo or nevermo) supports her AND DEFENDS HER in the boundaries she needs with the church.

3. The exmo is married, but DH actually prevents her from setting the boundaries she needs in order to be healthy and emotionally safe.

As you might guess, I see you squarely in #3. The “buffalo in the road” is a perfect analogy. Does a loving husband sabotage what a wife needs in order to heal / be healthy?!

When DH tells you to “be nice” because Mormons “mean well,” what I hear him saying is that THEIR feelings are more important than YOUR feelings!!! Is that okay with you? Why is it okay with him?

Yes, emotions are tied to physical ailments (as you said in your O.P.) What I have personally experienced over and over, as well as what I have shared with others and seen with others, is that when the emotional issue is resolved, the unhealthy condition also resolves. So you are doing the right thing by taking a look at what has contributed emotionally to your illness.

You rightly criticize Mormons as “leav[ing] you almost no way to defend yourself.” But CA girl, that is exactly what your *husband* is doing! --leaving you no way to defend yourself from Mormon intrusion into your private living space and into your emotional space!

If you want to get well, something needs to shift! That is why I suggested a counselor. You are worth it!

Best wishes.

Try some Anagrammy medicine:

Take 1 person who can't accept you the way you are and dilute with at least 2 who respect your awesome integrity and willingness to sacrifice social status. Add 1 who is in it for the fun and makes you laugh and mix with 1 who says, "Mormons, don't believe in birthdays, right?"

Taste each often. Don't monkey with the proportions and combine for a night of Apples to Apples or poker-without-face-cards a minimum of every three months.

Quantities of admiration and indifference will triumph over deluded certainty, every time.


Anagrammy

PS. Mormons only remain True Blue if surrounded by likeminded fools all nodding their heads like bobble dolls, "Yes, we know it's true, we surely know it's true, we all know it's true, true, true."

The trash talking from members who used to be my friends was very difficult to accept and challenged my notions about the basic goodness of people. I really hear you on that one.

Sorry, but I can't agree with you about your husband's bishop. I think he's an abusive cretin, and the fact that he is elevated to a position of low-level leadership within the Mormon church speaks volumes about either their poor judgment or lack of viable candidates.

I hope you feel better soon.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2011 10:57PM by Makurosu.

but it was on my mind. Thankfully, the intellectual part of my brain is stronger and it agrees with you. And although I feel sorry for him, my other gut reaction is to just avoid him.

Sad thing, the way they relentlessly target children.
Kind of like Mac Donald's does.
Guess corporations think alike.

Any one for a Mac Mormon's?

Suppose when things get tough, one of the authorities or the president himself can slip on a clowns outfit and goof around as he gives the sacrament to the patrons.

Antibiotics, albuterol inhaler and possibly prednisone may be the ticket.

and I've been fighting this for more than two weeks now, although the doctor put me on a stronger antibiotic and the prednisone only last Friday. I'd already done one course of antibiotics with no real improvement. I'm going to see him again tomorrow so he can check on my progress. I know pneumonia takes forever to recover from but this one seems to be hanging on and on with very little improvement. Thankfully, it's no worse either. Thanks for the tips.

I have had the same experiences! The gossip, the shunning, the threatening by the bishop. I've lived in this Mormon SLC neighborhood for over 20 years. We were TBM for 16 years, our children played together, I brought them casseroles when they had a baby or were sick, my daughter married one of their sons. Now, they look the other way, and duck down another aisle at the supermarket. I didn't like feeling hurt, so I go across town to Whole Foods now. (I don't eat Mormon food anymore, anyway.)

Learning the whole Mormon thing is a lie--that by itself is hard to swallow--but finding out my friendships were a lie, too, almost made me crazy.

I love RFM, because the people here tell us we are not crazy. The cult members are crazy.

I hope your husband comes around. I think he will, if he's not 100% brainwashed. If there is one little thing about a person that is "different," that person soon becomes marginalized and begins to question the cult--then they're out! If you become inactive ("less-active"), that will marginalize your husband.

I'm so sorry you are sick! I hope you are able to rest and take care of yourself. Being ill gives you time to think, which is good, but can be depressing. Once you get well, and see the sunshine again, you will cheer up some. Rent "The Other Guys" and watch Michael Keaton's rant on 'Special Features' at the end. He puts the Mormons into perspective as being "beyond" the norm. It might make you laugh.

You are right about "getting it off your chest." I think also that what the Mormon cult is putting you through is "hard to swallow."

You are one of my favorite posters, you are loved on this board, and I'm sure there are a lot of people who love you in person. Your husband is a lucky man--especially if you help him break free!

Darn it, when I read the topic thought you were going to show us your sweater puppies.

CA girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
.
>
> 6. I think it's beyond creepy the way Mormons
> target children, especially the children of
> inactives. They have all kinds of programs and
> activities and temple trips and Personal
> Progress/Duty to God books and it's all designed
> to program people to think like Mormons. And the
> people in charge show up at YOUR house and tell
> you what their plans are for YOUR kids and are
> constantly trying to lure them into the Mormon way
> of thinking, regardless of the parents beliefs or
> feelings. The mere fact that they can justify
> this behavior to themselves is so far beyond sick
> I can't even find the words to describe it.
>

This creeps me out, too. A lot.

We sent our son (15) down to live with his TBM extended family because we thought it a good idea the city boy work on a farm. We were reluctant because we knew their ulterior motive, to plant Mormon seeds in his heart and mind. But we had to trust in our own parenting and his own cognitive and emotional health. It was a little unnerving, knowing full well what he would be subjected to, including having his parents slammed and slandered, but we assented.

Fortunately they failed. But we were shocked by how hard they tried and by how hard they slammed and slandered us. In the end it just proved to our son how vicious it is to be raised in a cult, and he genuinely felt for his cousins etc. If anything, he planted a few seeds of his own in the hearts and minds of his TBM cousins.

Thank you for your post.

Human