He only came to public school last January, and we've been friends since around the beginning of the year. He was fifteen when we became friends. We talk a lot, so he tells me about his religion, things they can and can't do, all of it. It's actually very interesting to me, it's different. I don't mind hearing about it at all. I was raised Catholic, but I'm generally Christian. I don't believe everything the Catholic religion says. Anyway.. I did start to like him; He's extremely mature for his age, and I'm assuming that's partly because of his religion and partly because he grew up helping to raise his.. I think six other siblings. His maturity and intelligence are two things that attracted me the most. We do like each other, I found that out after his sixteenth birthday. His birthday is in January, so we haven't known this about each other very long. I let it go for a while after finding it, figuring Mormon's take things slower.. Right? Then we talked about it the other day, and he told me I'd have to meet his Dad first. He's fine with dating, but he's already thinking about his mission when he's eighteen, and how he can't have a serious relationship because of it. I'm pretty much fine with all of this; If I wasn't I wouldn't be talking about it, trying to figure out what to do. I'm trying to figure out if it's even a smart idea to begin dating him. I read a bunch of posts on here, and they made the Mormon religion sound heartless and cold.. Why? He seems like a perfectly nice, respectful kid.. Though on the other hand, how much of it does he do just because he was taught to be respectful to everyone? And the whole bringing the church before me.. Yes, I can understand that. It's a different religion. If I don't understand it, it's because I wasn't raised that way. But do they really push even their wives away for the church? I don't know. I don't want to believe it's as bad as people make it sound.
Any advice? Should I even begin dating him, or should we leave it at friends before it's too late?

Run!!

Just don't get attached to this boy and be very, very careful of the Mormon religion. They go after teens. They'll work on converting you and sucking your brains cells dry of joy and ability to think. Your value, as a woman, is your uterus. Women can't even get into Heaven by themselves. Zero value. They will encourage a split with your family. I am not kidding you. ChurchCo *is* the abusive boyfriend. What do abusive boyfriends do? They remove your support system first, your friends and family. The best time to do it is when you are vulnerable and teens are vulnerable. I'm not saying this boy is abusive, I'm saying his church and belief system are. He will very likely push you to convert if you want to continue dating or perhaps get married. ChurchCo messes with your delicate, hormonal teen emotions. Have you heard of "date 'em and dunk 'em?" How about"flirt to convert?"

It's not "just a different religion," it's a cult. I thought the same thing as you at first. You've read enough here that is alarming. Pay attention to that. Personally, I would not waste my time and emotion on dating this boy. You're young and there are so many better choices out there.

"Women can't even get into Heaven by themselves."

Seriously? Does the Mormon Church really say that about women?

Yep, I'm pretty sure that's how it works. She has to have a husband to call her across the veil. This is why a husband knows his wife's secret new temple name, but she does not know his. It just occurred to me that she can probably get into one of the lower levels of Heaven on her own, just not the top tier Heaven where all good Mormons go unless her husband calls her there.

"She can probably get into one of the lower levels of Heaven on her own, just not the top tier Heaven where all good Mormons go unless her husband calls her there."

That sounds sexist and patronizing. No wonder a lot of women on this board seem to have intense dislike towards Mormonism.

"That sounds sexist and patronizing."

Yeah, it is. And so is the fact that Mormonism has never REALLY foresworn polygamy. Men can be "sealed" to multiple women, all of whom will be their wives in heaven. (Men can only be legally married to one woman at a time in the mainstream LDS church, but they if they remarry, they can stay sealed to the first wife AND get sealed to subsequent wives.) AND, men are told that can and should take additional wives once they are in heaven.

And given that the LDS church only ended the practice of polygamy--to the exentent it did end it--because of pressure from the US government, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they began allowing it again if polygamy ever became legal in this country.

This is from their training and indoctrination.

Often times, these attributes appear to be maturity and are not that at all. It's their deep need to appear pious and be a shining example of their church.

You're playing with fire and are likely to end up with a broken heart if you date this fellow.

Mormons are taught to put church goals ahead of their own personal goals the the welfare of their families. A non-member girl friend won't be a priority for them in the scheme of things.

Perhaps a quote from their "prophet" Brigham Young would help.

He said, "under such circumstances, I have no wife whom I love so well that I would not put a javelin through her heart, and I would do it with clean hands."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_atonement

He, himself, doesn't even know the religion yet. He is still sucking on the milk nipple. The meat entree ain't been served yet.

You have more knowledge of his religion than his family.

The hormones are not accurate in determining compatibility.

I would take om's advice and run. Or at least, just be friends.

Keep your panties on

Don't date him -- eventually you'll be put in that uncomfortable situation of having to decide whether you want to join the church in order to continue dating him.

Stay friends if you want, but seek other friends as well.

Well, tell a teen something is a bad idea, and more than likely the teen will think something like, "I can do it differently! It will work out for me!"

So I won't tell you not to do it. After all, he'll be going on a mission soon.

So then what are YOUR thoughts on young marriage, schooling, career and family?
He will be looking to get married shortly after returning from his mission. But 20 is still perilously young, even though it looks far off and mature from your age.

Do you have plans for college?

How do you feel about a church that teaches a people were cursed with a skin of darkness for being an evil or sinning people. Do YOU think blacks were cursed?

How do you feel about a church that preaches that homosexuals are an abomination? And that god would never make a "mistake" like that?

How would you like your marriage vows to be a covenant to obey your husband, instead of mutual vows of love and caring?
Did you know women must get approval for everything from the men in this church?
They aren't even allowed to run their own women's organizations, they have to ask the priesthood authority over them.
Women are told that their sons at 12 years old receive the priesthood that gives them more power and authority than their own mothers. Do you know some 12 year olds?
Are you comfortable being second class as a female in that church?

I had several friends in the church when I was in high school. 5 of them dated non-members, as the church calls them, and in every case, they joined the church to be with the ones they loved.

It's a given for most Mormons, that if they date someone with marriage as the goal, the person they are dating will have to join the church.

On the face of it, that may not seem a bad thing, but to all of us here in this forum, it's a very bad thing.

As has been said before, the Mormon church is a corporation first of all, which uses many psychological control mechanisms to keep it's people in line, and all for the purpose of acquiring wealth.

On the other hand, this could be said of some other churches as well, but none, except Scientology perhaps, are quite so insidious and secretive about it.

If you date this boy, do so knowing that you risk serious psychological harm to yourself and possible future generations if you eventually marry and have children with him.

Oh, it's just high school. Chances are very high that this will not turn into a long-term committed relationship any way you slice it, regardless of anyone's religious affiliation.

IF you want to date him, I say go for it, BUT. Keep the following in mind:

• Do not go to church with him. Do not go to church dances or youth group activities. These are used as conversion tools and are not really all that much fun. He will also have the impression you are interested in joining his church and you do not want to give that impression. If he won't date you unless you participate in church-sponsored activities, then just keep it on a friendship only level.

• He will not believe in smoking, drinking, drugs, or premarital sex. He might even have some serious hangups about kissing or making out. I dated a mormon guy once whose mom wouldn't let him date the same girl three dates in a row.

• Whatever you do, don't even think about taking this seriously or having this become some sort of long-term boyfriend. That's when the conversion attempts really ratchet up a few notches. Date him once or twice, see some other boys, be nice to everyone and have as much fun as possible. I think it's fine to have a little fun in the short-term, but do not allow this to become serious. He will not change and either his or his family's primary motive will be to convert you. You already have enough information to understand why you would not want to forsake your own faith to glom on to this one.

I was a good Mormon girl in highschool. I met my husband when I moved to a new state. We started liking each other when I was almost 17. He started coming over to my house, and I started going to his house. What I didn't know is that my Mom threatened him that if he didn't listen to the missionaries, he couldn't see me any more. It didn't seem harmful at the time. We just celebrated 23 years of marriage last Saturday. We left the church last summer after finding out it's not true.

That's the happy part. Here's the bad part:

The boy you like is very sheltered. He has not been able to experience the real world. I doubt he has even seen much television, or knows anything about pop culture. What you see as maturity, is likely because he is well mannered and polite. He is probably also responsible. That is not maturity. Maturity is when you gain experience and learn discernment, when you develop morality. Maturity is not when you can follow a list of rules. Mormons are great at following lists of rules.

You can bet that they will not let you date their son long, if at all if you do not start showing interest in their church.

The dangers of the Mormon church, just to list a few:

1-It's not true, and there's a good deal of evidence to prove it.
2-They claim it is the only true church on the face of the earth.
3-Polygamy is still doctrine.
4-The church taught that Native Americans were cursed with a skin of blackness, and that blacks bear the mark of Cain and were unworthy to hold the priesthood. They have backed off from talking about this, but it's still doctrine.
5-They are against gay rights.
6-If you joined the church, he would want you to marry him in the temple. His parents sound very strict. They will fill him with guilt if he tries to marry outside the temple. You parents would not be able to attend your wedding. As yourself if this is a Christlike practice.
7-They claim that Christ is the head of their church, yet they have many practices that are not Christlike. If you are not paid up on your tithing, you cannot see your children married in the temple, for one example.
8-If you decide to start talking to missionaries about the church, they will only tell you the Sesame Street version. They won't tell you the disturbing parts until you are baptized. They will never tell you the frightening parts because the church hides them. They won't tell you about Joseph Smith's 33 wives. A friend of mine was looking into the church and she told the missionaries that Joseph Smith had 33 wives. They told her that it was a lie. It's not a lie, it's true, but likely the missionaries don't know this because the church hides it. I didn't know until I was 43 years old!

This boy's parents are likely only letting him spend time with you because they think they might be able to convert you. If you show no interest, they will prohibit you from seeing him. Try an experiment, when they ask you to talk to the missionaries, tell them "no". They won't let you see him outside school any longer.

I hate to say that you should shun him because he's Mormon. You need to be aware that this is a dangerous road. You will grow to like him more and more; you will be tempted to join the church because of him. You will be forced to choose between the church and your parents should you marry this boy.

This is a long time in the future, but it happened to me. I met a boy when he was 17. He joined my church. He went on a mission, he came home, and we married 6 weeks later, in the temple, leaving his loving parents standing out in the cold. I ask you if Christ could possibly be at the head of a church like that.

To heavily paraphrase a favorite quote "The church isn't perfect, but most of the people are pretty cool."

Above any other large church, it's definitely a cult, or as they said on 'The Simpsons', "America's Most Respectable Cult!"--it meets every definition of a cult, dictating nearly 100% of a member's life.
I had lots of LDS friends in high school and they are still among the best I have, but some of them have become "morgbots", and can't mention anything in their life that doesn't have something to do with the church. The one really good thing that church does do (even if it's based on total made-up BS) is instill self-disclipline; while a lot of kids in school don't really have direction and get into smoking, drugs, sex, the mormons kids, by and large (although there are plenty self-righteous ones who are all ready to "get some" when Friday night rolls around). Fer god's sake, in high school you're 15-16-17-18, there's plenty of growing up and learning about life, and while that includes sexual maturing, why go crazy? That's another thing I liked about most mormons--they could make out but not be embarrasing, and later, regretful, horn-dogs.
The bad thing about the church is that it dictates your behaviour like programming a computer-controlled machine: life decisions are easier to make when someone else lays out your entire life & afterlife (and somehow, at the same time, make you think that you have "free agency"). Pointing out that the church is based on lies is incomprehensible to someone who is immersed in it, although some can "put it on the shelf" and stick with the common sense family-values that the church community can provide

Anyway, I've prattled on too long; if you're good friends you can take it from there, but if he's a hard-core TBM he'll try to suck you in; his church is the ONLY true church on Earth, and it's his duty to convert you.

You'll be a "hormonal convert"--exactly what happened to my brother; after a hot & heavy relationship he converted--immediately after baptism she was "just friends".....

Just find out the story for how that came about.

Just this single example, once you understand it, will tell you all you need to know about why kolobianism is nucking futz; and you will have nothing more to do with.

not to mention the ferrets!

They'll try to convert you...even just to date him.
If you convert to mormonism for him, what will likely happen is that you'll "wait for him" while he serves a mission, and either you'll dump him when reality slaps you in the face, or he'll dump you when he gets home.

If you end up marrying him, you're marrying the mormon church. It'll distance you from your family and the church will praise you for being a "pioneer" for it. Your whole life will orbit around the mormon church...your marriage, your kids, your friendships. With any LUCK you'll...like it. But, most likely, you'll feel lonely, isolated, stuck.

If the guy will date you for WHO YOU ARE without ANY religious conditions, then fine. But I would balk at the FIRST hint of any religious conditions in the relationship.

You say you're "generally christian."

My advice is to take some time to really find out what that means to you. If tomorrow, your friend said he couldn't continue to spend time with you unless you converted to his church would you do it?

Are you willing to completely change who you are for this guy?

Are you willing to exclude your parents from your wedding? They won't be able to attend unless they also convert to mormonism. If you don't believe me, just ask your friend. He'll admit it.

There's much more involved here than him leaving for 2 years to sell afterlife insurance policies for the mormon church.

You will have to give up who you are for this guy. He won't have to change a bit.

I was raised in the Catholic church just like you. What you need to understand is that Mormonism is nothing like Catholocism. It is an aggressive missionary religion. Pressure will be put on your friend to help convert you. It would be completely unacceptable to him and his family for your friend to ever marry in the Catholic (or any other) church. It's the LDS church or the highway. And if you married in the Mormon temple, your own parents would be excluded from your wedding for being "unworthy." Does that sound right to you?

It is a highly controlling religion -- far more controlling than Catholocism. Do you really need that much supervision and control?

Keep reading this board and the Mormon Think website. Learn, learn, learn. This is not a church that you want to go anywhere near.

http://mormonthink.com/

This boy is probably a hardcore Mormon and that's one of the worst. He can't be in a serious relationship because of his mission coming up...in two years?!
I have a friend whose little brother is a senior in high school and has been dating a Catholic girl for 2-3years, even though he's leaving on his mission much sooner than your friend. Bottom line: if he really wasn't so ultra Mormon, he wouldn't care.

Honestly, this stuff is scaring the crap out of me. I would NEVER convert. I'm not easily manipulated. I may not be a specific Christian religion, but never would I conmvert to a religion that has these rules, morals, etc.. Everyone's right, this is abuse. It's cruel, to me. My friend and I are talking about it as I speak, and we're talking about possibilities and such. I know not to let myself fall into this, but don't some Mormon's end up leaving their religion? I know there's not a great chance, in his situation, but it could possibly happen.

I don't know. It's making me anxious.

It's never a good idea to get into a relationship with someone you don't already accept 100%.

Yes, some Mormons leave. Many revert back to their roots when life gets serious with marriage, babies. It's not a good direction to go with Mormons. You need to accept it as part of your life. Would you want your children raised Mormon? Don't go into a relationship with this conflict. I dated an uber TBM for a bit. Nice guy, but we parted ways after about six months because there was just no future with our differences in religion. I ended up marrying a Jackmormon. This was before I knew much about Mormonism and thought it was "just a little different." He wasn't TBM, and I wasn't much of a church-goer either. It seemed fine. It wasn't fine. He reverted. Just be careful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2013 01:39PM by omreven.

I was the sheltered mormon girl. When DH and I started dating, I was already on my way out. It had nothing to do with him, (although he did know more about the 'meat' of the church than I did) but my family still feels deep-down, that he led their precious baby away.

So either you end up converting and are unhappy, or he ends up leaving for you, and even if it works out, you are always the evil harlot that corrupted their son to his parents...

Either way, you have a LOT of time to meet interesting and genuinely mature men before you need to worry about serious relationships. I still hold a special place in my heart for my HS boyfriend, but I know that we would never work out now because of how much we have both changed since then.

Obviously some Mormons leave the religion. You cannot expect that of him, nor should he expect you to convert. You need to find someone who you adore, just as he is, and same for him. You don't have to be easily swayed to convert. They are very good at selling their product and making it look good. Anything they tell you, that sounds good, come back here and ask us about it. We all lived it. My husband and I, like many here, lived and loved the religion until we found out it was not true, and based on lies. There are good things in the religion, it's not all bad, but it definitely is not what they claim it is. Become a giant skeptic, and read everything you can on mormonthink.com. Read Richard Packham's page about Mormonism: http://packham.n4m.org/#MORMONISM

Waiting and hoping for that to happen would mean you'd be waiting for this unlikely possibility until you're 40 or older. Not worth it!

Just for fun, ask him what church meetings he goes to EVERY single day of the week. Don't forget monday night. It's basically a church meeting at home called family home evening.

Once your married in the temple, you have to wear what is basically long johns under your clothes. Even in the summer. Kiss fashion good-bye. There is a scheduled meeting for someone in the family every single day of the week. Most likely your husband will be gone doing church busy work in the evenings.

The teenagers are expected to dress as if they've already been through the temple and wear garments under their clothing. This means nothing without sleeves. Shorts and skirts are knee length, no low cut necklines, either front or back. No exceptions. Not even for prom or wedding. Oh yeah, no tats, and only one pair of modest earrings. No belly showing. These are also requirements to get into church dances for teens.

There are women that work, but it's highly discouraged. They expect the women to stay home and have babies. They load you up with so much church responsibility that you won't have time to do hobbies, or much of anything on your own. No complaining allowed.

If you do go to church, look around at the women's faces. How many look happy. How many look tired or angry?

These are just some of they joys of mormonism. Not to mention it's a religion that is built by a con man and a liar.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2013 01:55PM by Mia.

Don't be misled by Mormon misuse of the language. When they talk about "high moral standards" and being "worthy" to attend the temple or whatever, they are not talking about doing anything that is ethically better than anyone else.

They are talking about keeping their crazy made up rules that have nothing to do with whether you are a good person or not - not drinking iced tea, or having a cup of coffee, a glass of wine with dinner. Not masturbating - a practice science is showing is increasingly important for health. Lying to protect the church is also considered 'good'. What they leave off the list of virtues is genuine compassion for other people (it is only useful for PR or if you are trying to convert them.

So Mormon "high standards" are just code for blind obedience to silly cult rules. Don'tbe fooled!

Young lady, there are plenty of guys out there who are just as nice as this fellow, without his baggage.

Ultimately, it's your decision, but you have to be very careful if you do date him.

Personally, I don't think you should date him (for both yours and his sakes). I would still stay friends though, especially if you find him a nice person, but don't let him guilt-trip you into going to church if you don't want to.

It's your decision though. It's not like he's evil or anything, but he's a victim of an organization (although he doesn't feel he's a victim), and he'll try and draw you into it too (with good intentions on his part, he thinks it will help you, but it will probably do the opposite).

At least try and stay friends with him imo. Just firmly say "no" whenever he asks you to church, even if he seems really nice, because once you go, that's it, you'll have missionaries knocking on your door, phone calls from the Bishop every week, etc.

He's probably more open-minded than the average active mormon, since a lot of mormon boys would never even consider being friends with a girl, especially not a girl from a different religion.

Mormons get huge benefits and massive attention from bragging about building Zion. Many about to go on missions think it's good practice for when they're in the field and they imagine bearing testimony of the experience throughout their missions or until they rack up a long list of baptisms.

Be realistic with your expectations. You're 16? Most HS relationships end when HS is over anyway when people go their separate ways.

I was a good member and only dated non-mos. I knew I'd leave town at 18 for college anyway.

Just know the relationship would have a shelf life.