Hi- I haven't posted too much here (yet)...rfm was the lifeline for me circa 2005, Thank You.
One thing I still *really* struggle with is social interactions...as a mormon for 28 years I was so insulated from Real Life that I feel at times as if I'm walking around naked ...or maybe in only garmies, lol...& no one tells me--
Also, I have been realizing the impact of my being a Highly Sensitive Person.
It's so funny, being a mormon made me so peculiar that I fit in nowhere...
Kay...except here. : )

Welcome back to the mothership.

You feel like a stranger in a strange land and the people around you don't? Trust me, they're crazy, not you.

I have a hypothesis that it's not being different from others that makes them think we're weird. It's our lack of confidence in ourselves. Maybe lack of confidence isn't quite it. Perhaps it's lack of comfort with ourselves. I think it makes us act in ways that make others uncomfortable.

For example, I learned there's nothing wrong with saying, "No thanks, I don't drink." It's not all that odd. But when we blush and cringe, when we get all ashamed and apologetic, when we self-flagellate for not being "normal," then it gets weird.

How do we get to that point where we can just be ourselves? I suspect it starts with genuinely believing that our particular version of a human is perfectly okay. I know that's hard after being in a conformity cult like Mormonism. We were taught we should remake ourselves to fit a certain cookie-cutter ideal. We're defective, unworthy, sinful if we don't.

But that's baloney.

Years ago I participated in a big group therapy session. One exercise was to draw ourselves the way we hope to be some day. I drew myself naked before and accepting crowd. There I was, totally open, hiding nothing, not conforming, and everyone was okay with that.

A couple of years after that, in a private session with my personal therapist, I said that I just wanted people to accept me as I am. He replied that in order for that to happen I had to let people see the real me.

Oh... wow... yeah. I guess that's right.

That's the big risk right? What if no one likes the real me? But how much longer could I drive myself crazy pretending to be someone I think they'll like? "Do you love me yet? How about now? How about... now?"

I mentioned "The Tao of Pooh" in another thread. I'm a fan of it because it really helped me turn my thinking around. And because the principles actually worked, actually led to greater happiness. It's about finding your true self and your unique path. Conflict and unhappiness come from trying to conform to someone else's path and goals. What is the use of becoming just like some other person if it doesn't lead to contentment and inner peace?

They say if you fear speaking in front of an audience, you should imagine them all naked. Well, if we fear being weird around "normal" people, we should consider that each of them feels weird in some way. Because except for the occasional raging narcissist or sociopath, everyone hates something about themselves.

This is a common problem for exmormons. What are specific ways of dealing?

I say get out there in the world and try. Be patient and keep trying if situations seem a little awkward. It's like learning to play the piano, the more you practice the better the outcome.

I'm right there with you.
I have been trying to practice being "normal" and it is bizarre. I feel more like an android than an alien though.

I just feel like I'm programming myself to emulate humanity rather than to really emote and interact.

Good luck. If you figure out the secret recipe, be sure to let me know. If not, come and hang with some socially awkward exmos like yourself (that has definitely helped me)

There is such an emphasis on kids to behave well because everyone who isn't a member is learning by our example(and of course the tattle tales are lying in wait). And god and all the spirits are watching all the time.
It does not surprise me that there are serious long term consequences to this kind of teaching.
I struggle with it too.

Most people are uncomfortable around other people. That's part of life.

The only difference between mormons and the rest is that we were taught that we were supposed to feel weird around people because they're of the world and we're just in the world.

So most people learned to act comfortable even though they aren't, while we never did. When we leave the church we have to learn what most people learned as kids in school.

It just takes time..