it started during the summer but since i started gr.11, it got worse. i can't sleep at night,i get headaches,i can't focous at school,i find it harder to eat at times,im fine with people around but when im by myself i don't think straight. it was so bad tonight that i started crying screaming "how could you!" "you ruined my life!""you ruined and innocent child""i fucking hate you""i want you to feel the pain that i felt!" my mom has suggested that she set me up this a counceler but she hasn't done that yet due to money problems. right now all i can do is try and do the best i can.

Abusers need to pay, because they won't stop unless caught, and victims suffer tremendously. I think perpetrators should be punished, and it helps me cope better when they are.

I used to ride my bike, or listen to music, and did not understand how much exercise helped me until I did not have a bicycle (leaving when I wanted to helped too). I hope you get counseling, but either way it can take time.

I have PTSD, and get severe insomnia if I have a really bad trigger. Fortunately it usually goes away (mostly) after a few days. Unfortunately some triggers cannot be avoided at this time.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2013 04:44AM by atheist&happy:-).

Firstly, I am so sorry. It is a lousy situation.

My wife and I were both sexually abused as children. It messed me up for a long time. I literally disliked being touched. I didn't like being hugged, and I could barely handle people shaking my hand. This is one area where the mission actually really helped me (inadvertently).

Up until my mission, I was always able to put it out of my mind. I never thought about it, and I would try to convince myself it was a dream, or a false memory. But, living away from home for the first time, being isolated, and constantly teaching about sexual sin made me think about it all the time. I often had trouble sleeping.

Eventually I told my mission president about it. I dunno what I thought would happen, but I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I told him. He was baffled, and tried his best to say something consoling, but it really didn't amount to more than "pray to get through this Elder."

For me though, things started to get better from that moment on. I had never told anyone about the abuse (not even my parents). The only other person who knew was my sister, because she too had been abused, but neither of us spoke about it. I guess we each hoped that the other had been young enough to not remember it.

But that fact that I told someone... and that it wasn't someone I had an implicit relationship of trust with, or any emotional connection, somehow made it not feel shameful any more.

I had told someone who was little more than a stranger to me that I had been abused from age 2 to 5. Even though I always knew it wasn't my fault, it somehow became real when I told this person.

My wife has told people, and even had therapy, but still struggles with it. So, I'm not insinuating that it is an easy thing to get over, nor that you just need to have some conversations about it.

I don't claim to be an expert, but I have been where you are at. I encourage you to talk to someone about it. You may not be able to afford therapy, but if there is a school counselor of your same gender, I'd recommend talking to her. She may not have any sage advice, but just listening can help. Also, she may have access to some government resources to get you to a real therapist free of charge.

Good luck. I empathize & wish you the best.

While professional therapists can be expensive, I recommend going to one (who specializes in sexual abuse survivors) as soon as possible. If you needed medical care for diabetes or stomach problems, would the money be found somehow? This is the same thing.

Some will have group therapy (at a reduced rate) where there may be other survivors who you can interact with. The therapist may also recommend books or other literature to heal from the abuse. This may be useful for you to read and educate yourself.

Be sure you go to someone you can trust. Interview them (just like a job). If it doesn't seem to be working with one therapist, go to someone else.

It can be very scary to heal from what happened. It wasn't your fault. But processing what happened will help you move forward, will help your relationships and to become a healthy adult.

Whether it was a relative or not, whomever did it should actually be reported to police. But I agree, make sure you get a counsellor/some type of therapy.

You can try calling the regular abuse of women nonprofits or shelters (google them) and then tell them it was sexual abuse and they may be able to put you in touch with someone. I would recommend a female therapist if you are vulnerable.

I'd try to set up the therapist before you report to police, as that way you have someone you can talk to about it etc.

Please take care and be strong! If your Mom is not that supportive, you may end up needing to talk just to the therapist once you find one.

You can also read some books on healing from sexual abuse from the library or bookstore to help you cope, too.

Women's shelters do not charge for counseling. You may be able to explain the circumstances and they may be able to find you free counseling. The Mom in me would want you to ask for a female counselor/therapist.