I mostly lurk here, but I decided I needed to post.

A friend just wrote a post about me on her blog begging me to come back to church. While she didn't use my name, she did state enough information about me that people close to me would know she was talking about me. (and outing me to some)

She was extremely rude, self-rightous, claiming that I'll be so much happier if I come back, blah blah blah.

She knows how I feel.
How do you even respond to something like that???

Give us the link and let us respond for you.

We've got your back.

I would tell her what you told us -- that she crossed a line with her blog post, that even though she didn't name you directly, you are easily identifiable to mutual friends, and that her behavior is offensive to you. Tell her that you want the post taken down immediately because she is intruding into your personal business, and she doesn't have a right to do that.

If she doesn't comply, I would drop her as a friend.

I would send an email or something to make it clear that she has damaged her relationship with you, perhaps irrevocably.

It also wouldn't hurt to mention articles of faith #11.

If you want to be a little more aggressive here's some "ammo" that pretty well proves Mormonism doesn't go a good job of making people happy:
http://www.mormonprobe.com/index.php?topic=By%20Their%20Fruits

I would just post a comment on her blog, "How do YOU know how I feel? Do you really think you know my mind better than I do?"

I agree with Cheryl. Why maintain a friendship with someone who obviously isn't your friend?

Blog Comment

"Hey thanks for informing me (and the planet) about how I feel and what is best for me. If you get a minute could also tell us the lottery numbers? By the way, in terms of how I feel about your blog post. I don't need to tell you because you can read my mind, right?"

Alternative Blog Comment

"Hey, how's it going? Did you resolve that problem you were having with same sex attraction/self abuse? Or has the Bishop just advised you to wear mittens to bed?"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2013 10:21AM by Stumbling.

Whatever you do, be careful not to validate her.
If you respond in a huff, or get really emotional, she will think "I hit a nerve, so obviously qtp2t knows the church is true, and she is choosing to disobey"

I would recommend responding to her with soft-yet-powerful phrases like:
--"I read your blog. It saddened me a little to see you push for something when you are misinformed."
--"I skimmed your blog, and the person you are talking about seems a lot like me. If she is, then she is far happier outside the church than in it."
--"As someone who's seen both sides of this issue, I felt like your blog was uninformed. You really should try to get inside the head of someone that has left the church before you assume to understand their reasons."

Phrases like these are not combative, and don't show some sort of weakness or nerve that's been hit. Yet, they come from a position of superiority, yet apathy.

So essentially you are telling her that:
--You blog was inaccurate/uninformed
--I know the situation better than you
--But I don't care to force my knowledge on you

It's like when you dangle some yarn in front of a cat. Maybe they'll play with it, maybe they wont. But once you drag the yarn out of sight (like around a corner) the cat feels deeply compelled to go see where it went.

You aren't shoving the truth down her throat, but merely dangling it and saying, I have this if you want it. Then you exit the conversation, and see if it eats at her that you know something she doesn't. Maybe she'll ask you about it, maybe she'll research it, or maybe she'll just ponder it. But, all those options are wins in my opinion.

Great responses.

Sounds like this person just dug a hole for themselves and you have no need to dig them out. Crossed a boundary of healthy relationships and needs to learn there is no reward for doing that.

It's best, in my view, to ignore stupidity like that. Never allow a dialog to ensue.

Don't read her blog. If it's on FB, click HIDE! Bingo..gone!

And most of all: don't take any of it personally. That is her vision/life, not yours.

From The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz
2. Don't take anything personally. The first agreement suggests that we avoid treating others hurtfully. The second agreement provides us with a way of dealing with potentially hurtful treatment from others. Because each person sees the world in a unique way, the way that others treat us says as much about them as it does about us. To not take anything personally is to acknowledge the unique identities of other people. We respect their subjective realities, realizing that their views do not necessarily describe us accurately.

This little book has some very practical ways of conducing our lives that produce the most freedom and peace of mind.

It's universal wisdom, of course. Works too!

See what her response will be...........

Hey, stop trying to missionary me. I'm not that kind of person, it's against my morals. You wouldn't want me to do something against my morals would you?

These are all really great suggestions. Gah I think I'm just gonna pretend like I didn't see it. I don't want to accidentally give her any fuel for her fire.