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Posted by: jacob ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 03:05PM

My wife and I got home from our various endeavors yesterday to find our one year old son in the middle of an epic nap. We thanked the babysitter and sent her on her way, thinking wow she did a great job. When our son woke up we discovered to our dismay that she had failed to change his diaper. This resulted in an immediate bath. After I freed my son's ass from it's soiled prison and placed him in the warm water he started yanking, pulling, scratching, and rubbing. My wife checking in on the two of us asked me to stop him from playing with himself. I asked what she would have him do to relieve his understandable discomfort. Her response was that she didn't want him to learn to scratch in public. To which I responded, well lets give the little guy some privacy to take care of his business.

Mormonism, where a one year old scratching his balls is "playing" with himself.

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Posted by: davidlkent ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 03:12PM

If your springoff continues to carry on like this in public when he reaches 21, I'd say the problem is no longer yours.

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Posted by: Tupperwhere ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 03:17PM

Like father, like son :)

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Posted by: Jonny the Smoke ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 03:35PM

I didn't realize the bath tub in your home was a "public" place. Perhaps I'll use it if I'm in the area and need to clean up.

Maybe she would have you tie his little arm to his crib with a neck tie like Boyd K. Packer suggests?

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Posted by: justrob ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 04:54PM

If god didn't want us scratching our balls in public, he wouldn't have made them so damn itchy.

LOL, it's good to teach your kids about propriety, but bath time after epic diaper rash is not the time to teach that lesson.

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Posted by: Anonymous User ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 06:02PM

Yup Lol +1

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Posted by: skeptifem ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 04:56PM

wow thats messed up

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Posted by: Outcast ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 05:00PM

Within arm's reach for GOOD REASON. I think I'll give mine a good skritch right now - aaahhh!

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Posted by: Mia ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 06:00PM

If God had such a huge problem with masturbation, don't you think he would have made it physically impossible?

He apparently doesn't have a problem with dogs licking their crotch area, but made it almost impossible for all but a very few unusual humans.

So,scratch away, but please, don't lick. God doesn't like you doing that to yourself. If you can find someone else to do it for you......

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 05:26PM

The problem with a one-year old is that you can't really shame
them yet. You have to use the good old-fashioned "negative
feedback" approach of hitting them whenever they touch the
disgusting body part. By the time they are two or three they
will be able to understand that certain body parts are evil
and should never be touched and that if they do they are
unworthy and Jesus doesn't like them.

On a more serious note, your post reminded me of an incident
during my first marriage to an ultra-TBM. I came home to find
my infant son crying and my wife telling me that she had no
clue why he was crying. She'd tried feeding him and putting
him down for a nap but nothing worked. I asked if she'd
changed his diaper. Oh. she replied, she hadn't thought of
that. I changed his diaper and noticed that the end of his
penis was blistered so badly that it resembled the end of a
section of cauliflower. When I pointed this out to her and
she responded that she didn't understand why that should
hurt. This was only one small clue that she basically hated
men. There were many others that came out during our
marriage. By the way, the reason she hated men was that, with
the exception of the GAs and a few religion teachers, they
were all rotten, wicked beings whose righteousness was sorely
lacking. That she told me verbatim, I didn't have to infer it
from any subtle clues.

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Posted by: lulu ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 05:30PM

Obviously takes after his old man.

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Posted by: Cali Sally ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 06:46PM

I never had any children nor brothers but even I know that your son is behaving perfectly normally. I'd be more worried if he did NOT carry on scratching and pulling under those circumstances. And at one year of age he will most likely scratch himself whenever and wherever he needs to as well he should. When he gets out of diapers you better tell your wife that when he grabs his penis when they are out and about it is probably an indication that he needs to pee and not likely masturbation. I think I've seen far more adult men pulling at their crotch in public than I've ever seen children do it. But then if I saw a child doing it I probably didn't think much about it. I take it this is your wife's first child and she has a lot to learn.

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Posted by: flyboy21 ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 06:54PM

Who else but MORMONS?!?!?!

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Posted by: flyboy21 ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 10:31PM

Yeaaaaaah jacob gets me.

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Posted by: misterzelph ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 07:31PM

If I ever get into the business of raising race horses, I would name my first horse "itchy balls". Then 5 minutes before his very first race, I would pull him out of the race. Just to hear the guy on the loud speaker say, "itchy balls has been scratched".

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Posted by: breedumyung ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 08:44PM

"Why do dogs lick their balls?"

"Because they can."

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Posted by: misterzelph ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 09:54PM

A friend of mine was staring wistfully at my dog licking his balls. "Man, I wish I could do that", he said. "I think he would bite you", I replied.

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Posted by: lulu ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 10:18PM

That's a much more respectable punch line that:

If you pet him for a view minutes, maybe he'll let you.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/14/2013 10:18PM by lulu.

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 10:19PM

Heh. Years ago my therapist said Jehovah's Witnesses came by and for some reason she let them in. Her little boy, two or three at the time, unconcernedly started playing with himself and mom did nothing. The JWs soon made a hasty exit.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 10:41PM

My father put me and my two smaller brothers in a soapy tub and stroked our wieners with a soap bar in his hand. "Your potty is dirty," he chanted as he rubbed up and down. "Your potty is dirty."

I'm still seeing a psychiatrist now.

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: February 14, 2013 10:53PM

I'm sorry, Don. That's terrible.

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