Posted by:
Jesux of Nazdaq
(
)
Date: March 12, 2013 02:45PM
In a previous off-topic thread I got a lot of good advice from many.
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,821510Thank you group for all the support.
I wanted to respond to a few of the comments that I can't now that it's closed.
anagrammy wrote:
>>Going forward, please consider NOT being available for this woman as a friend because you are emotionally vulnerable to her manipulations<
bookratt wrote:
>>She is being passive aggressive...Commit to having no more contact in any form with her, and move on.<
Both anagrammy and bookratt said the same thing: Avoid her. She started texting me today and being sweeter--that she can't imagine a life without me and would be happy if we were friends, if nothing else. I'm torn because I still want to be friends. But I don't want to be manipulated if she is truly passive aggressive.
Has anyone good references on how to recognize and deal with passive aggressive persons?
WinksWinks wrote:
>>I think both of you two were not communicating well, and you have a lot of expectations she was supposed to meet without you ever spelling them out. That said, this relationship wasn't going to work because both of you tiptoed around your real feelings, assuming things that the other person should "just know". It is good you guys separated, now go work on yourself and learn how to communicate your needs instead of avoiding direct talk.<
It's true, I failed in communication. At first, a couple of months into the relationship, when she had requested that I do something for her that I was reluctant to do, I brought up the issue I felt about making most (or actually all) of the sacrifices to keep the relationship going--I drove to her always, paid for all meals, was her ear and more. I approached it by asking her what she felt she was sacrificing in order to have a relationship with me. She said that she couldn't think of any and further didn't think it was a fair thing to bring up because if one truly loves the other, it's not a sacrifice. It's something you want to do for the other. I said that in fact, we make compromises in relationships in order to reach a common point. I listed those things I felt were sacrifices on my part. When I did, she began crying and told me that I had made her feel badly because it seemed as though I was labelling her negatively. I pulled back on that and decided it wasn't worth causing her to feel badly. I know, I don't own her feelings, but I didn't like her crying all the same.
Thereafter, I limited my communication when I felt it might cause her negative feelings. That's incorrect, I know, but I was willing to let certain things go and just accept her without complaint. She is a really nice person. But apparently, her ways are subtle and passive aggressive. I have a hard time seeing this. And I know she doesn't mean badly. But I can't be with someone who doesn't sacrifice back.
So again, I need to learn how to recognize passive aggressive behavior in myself and others.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2013 02:50PM by Jesux of Nazdaq.