I've slowly come to the conclusion that the church is no longer true, the controversies surrounding the Book of Abraham was the biggest thing for me to finally say this is enough. The only person I've expressed doubts is to my bishop.

I'm debating talking to my parents about all this, I don't know the best way to do, how to bring it up, should I wait until I'm put in a position where its obvious and then talk about it or if I should even talk to them at all. I know I can't hide forever although I do live in a different state than all of my family. I have a close friends wedding this summer and he's already said that he wanted me at the temple ceremony, my recommend expired several months ago, so coming up pretty soon my close friends will find out something's going on. I'm just thinking that maybe my parents should be the first ones I tell before anyone else.

Any thoughts? How do I bring it up with family? Phone call? Letter? In person? Avoid it until its obvious that somethings up then talk? Just let them find out on their own?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2013 10:24PM by rusty123.

There are two choices: Either just start gravitating away and give responses as they are required, or announce it right out. You would have to determine which option suits your situation and personality best. If you took your time and just sort of evolved out of it over time it might be easier on you. By the way, I read your other thread. I would avoid marrying a Mormon girl. There are plenty of girls with standards who are not Mormon. You should meet someone you can believe whatever you want with and be open with, not someone you would be trapped by.
What made it easy for me is when I realized they were mislead. I started feeling sorry for them because I knew they were in on a fraud that I was no longer in on. Once I made that shift in my mind it empowered me. But it sank in slowly and I had to go through all the recovery stages of realizing what I had gotten myself into and how I was going to get out of it.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/12/2013 11:21PM by suckafoo.

I'm starting to think the slow approach is probably the safest route for now. As far as dating Mormon girls its been hard recently because I've been hanging out more and more with a girl in my ward that I really like, and I get the impression she likes me, and I'm fighting back not asking her out. I know I can get over it but I think about this girl a lot and it makes it hard.

Excuse me while act like a teen, but that was funny.

Haha, I've really fallen for this girl, and this doesn't happen very often to me, I think its the only reason I still show up to church stuff. I'll get over it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2013 12:59AM by rusty123.

How about crying inconsolably while you say you just found out its not true. I mean wailing after each problem with the Mormon church you state. Every time someone offers a lame justification for polygamy or the book of Abraham, let out a painful shriek followed by a river of tears as you repeatedly exclaim "it's all a lie." Never let up. Overwhelm them with grief.

Not to mention that anything spoken through a blubbering flow of tears must be true as only the spirit can bring on the tears like that. :)

Haha, I told my bishop that I got the same "spirit feeling" watching basketball game winning shots and that I gave up on basing truth off of feelings, then he said, "Actually I have my theory on that exact topic [gaming winning shots] and I think it is the spirit." He didn't elaborate anymore than that but...wow! I guess I have witnessed several one and only true gaming winning shots!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2013 12:24AM by rusty123.

Hahaha, yeah, this would be awesome... I think I could have pulled it off a year ago, but now the tears won't come so easily.

just give out bottles of fine wine for christmas!

LOL no, just messing around.

GO slow- if you just recently felt this discvory let it all sink in over and over before you formulate any gameplan - there is no rush even though at first you feel anxiety and adenaline. Take a breath and say ok its not true - If you actualy realize it is not true it puts the whole coming out thing waydown on the priority list - In your mind you have this BIG event of announcing that something that is in fact not true is in fact not true - big deal - take it slow.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2013 12:04AM by builttospill.

My husband is going through this right now. I told him that he should tell his family that he was visited by an angel who warned him not to stay a member of any church...


But really, whatever you do, be gentle. It is going to break their hearts. But you must be true to yourself and be honest in your relationship with your family. A lot of people write letters and express their fear that their family won't love them anymore. That softens the hearts of many upset parents

Not that I recommend doing this, but I announced it on Facebook and lost about 30 friends because of it. It was cathartic in one way. Now I feel comfortable posting links like this:

http://mormonstories.org/top-5-myths-and-truths-about-why-committed-mormons-leave-the-church/

My family says they're supportive, but sometimes their actions lead me to think differently. Only you know your family best. I would ask this: What is your motivation for wanting to tell your family? Would it do more harm than good? Just a couple of things to consider. For me, it shows me who really has my back.

Also, I honestly do feel that I had a witness from the Holy Ghost telling me to become "born-again". I told my Pastor this and he told me to be careful with feelings. That indicates to me that he's not taking advantage of what I feel like the missionaries would. It might be lying to tell them you had a witness of the spirit, however, in my case, I did. I told my Bishop and Stake President this. They really have no way to come back at that.

I guess my motive for telling my family sooner than later is because eventually they will find out and I guess I feel if they hear it firsthand from me that maybe it will play out better in the end. That's my rationale. Like I said my friend is getting married this summer in the temple and friends are going to know somethings up and we all know how Mormons love to gossip especially about apostates (except apostate gossip is done in a whisper).

Good question, Don. I have a friend that constantly tells me, "If you're not doing something wrong, why do you hide your actions?" This pertains to friendships that I keep secret simply because I don't want to explain myself. I think this is similar because you might feel a need to explain yourself. I've had person after person tell me it's not necessary to explain myself. Being honest is always the best policy. I think you may find that people actually are more supportive than you at first might think. I was certain my wife would leave me but she told me that she has had similar concerns and had been afraid to voice them out of fear I would leave her. So far, outing myself has been a good thing with a few negative things. But overall a very positive thing.

I'm a big fan of the bandaid approach. They are going to react however they're going to react, no matter how long you wait. There's no easy way to let them know gradually. At least you'll have the advantage of controlling the flow of information, instead of wondering if they have guessed. Once it's out in the open, it's out there, no more worrying and hiding.

Good luck!

Let us know how it turns out.

There are five stages of grief and I think that when you love people you should help them through it.

l. Denial. Tell them you are struggling with your testimony and ask for their prayers. You have discovered some facts from reading church-approved history and FAIR and you are praying about it. Rub your forehead, shake your head and say, "I want to do the right thing." Then listen while they talk and bear their testimony, which will sound like this, "THIS CAN't BE TRUE! ALL I HAVE EVER DONE IS WANT AN ETERNAL FAMILY...." IT will be all about them. This will help you to see your place in their life very clearly.

2. Anger. Tell them you are taking a time out because you are angry that the church has lied. You are drawing closer to Jesus for comfort and inspiration. You can't understand how people with direct inspiration are telling people lies about what Mormons believe. You loved the Plan of Salvation and to think that Gordon B. Hinckley claimed it was n't even taught has bothered you since that happened. Ask them what they think about (an issue that you feel strongly about). Feel free to substitute your own issues for the one I just pulled out of thin air here. ONE ISSUE ONLY. Then let them talk. Keep asking if they feel any anger about these lies (name more if they need more). This channels their anger about you losing your faith (and ruining their expectations) to a discussion about anger towards the church, the actual deserving target of their anger.

3. Bargaining. Tell your spouse you have concluded that the church is not true; however, you understand and respect her desire to continue as a Mormon. Ask her to honor the 11th article of faith and allow you your beliefs and respect you for valuing truth as you see it. Negotiate attendance boundaries. Tell her you don't want her sitting alone in church, like a single person, and don't want her to be a target of Relief Society pity (a particularly onerous form). So you are willing to go to Sacrament (only) every week, every other week, every month (you decide ahead of time) and you would like her to join you on alternate weeks, months, etc. to attend a church of your choice or take the family to community activities, nature, etc, out on the boat, whatever YOU choose.

4. Depression. Tell your family ahead of time that your process was influenced by personal inspiration. It had nothing to do with the time they wore a pastel shirt to church or failed to wear stockings. Tell them this is a highly personal journey of spirituality which you take very seriously and not a reflection of anything they did or did not do or say. Tell them your primary influence, as always, has been the Brethren and their conflicting and uncompassionate form of Christianity. Your family will go through a period of depression, which is really self pity. The best cure for this is to maintain a cheerful disposition and joke about how now that you can smoke, drink and partake of whoredoms, you still have the values they gave you (or that you both grew up with) and intend to keep them. Ask if they have a bong you could borrow. (Just kidding). If your family can stand it, humor is always good --especially at this point in their process.

5. Acceptance. Eventually, no matter how you do it, your family and friends will have to accept that you no longer believe. They will join the rest of the world that does not love or choose friends based on having the same imaginary friends. The difference in whether acceptance includes alienation depends on how you handle it. Instead of composing an email (so sterile, like a dagger to a grandmother's heart, dipped in alcohol). Or blurting all at once, "Joseph Smith was an adulterous pedophile" because you have stuffed it for so long you are about to explode,

Taking a sane and slow method of gradual revelation gives the ones you love a chance to go through the dawning realization that your spiritual life is changing and it is yours to change. And you are the same loveable Joe in spite of that--or maybe in your case, because of it.

Best of luck!

We are hear for you any hour of day or night absolutely free!!!

Anagrammy

Anagrammy,

Without every reading this strategy, it's pretty much the one I took, without negotiating church attendance. I don't ever want to set foot in an LDS chapel again. My boys are going to be deacons this month, so I may feel obligated to go and support them. But other than that. I have my place of worship (I believe church is my relationship with Christ, not the place I worship) and DW has her church (TSCC). I continue to invite her to worship with me. She asks that I not drink coffee if my kids go there. I think I can compromise on that one.

Sithlord did the bandaid approach on me. No hint anything was coming. We spoke in SM in a branch in our stake as part of his high council calling on Sunday, Wednesday he was done with the church. There's no one right way to tell people, and no way to predict the outcome.

Well, one thing I WOULDN'T suggest is presenting them with a big, long list of evidence proving Mormonism is a fraud. It might be very tempting (it was to me), but in the end, such an approach will almost certainly only cause a huge argument and them taking a defensive stance, claiming you're persecuting them for their beliefs, and completely rejecting everything you say.

I would reaffirm your love for them. Say that even though you've chosen a different set of beliefs, you still love them and want to be part of their lives.

I would talk to them in person, if thats possible. But thats just me. I'm sure everyone has their own opinion on what would be best.

I agree. Sithlord gave me no information. Just said he didn't believe.

Why the great need to tell family?
Most Americans do not discuss their religious beliefs with others.

Whether or not you attend a church is no one's business.