Posted by:
anagrammy
(
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Date: March 13, 2013 02:13AM
There are five stages of grief and I think that when you love people you should help them through it.
l. Denial. Tell them you are struggling with your testimony and ask for their prayers. You have discovered some facts from reading church-approved history and FAIR and you are praying about it. Rub your forehead, shake your head and say, "I want to do the right thing." Then listen while they talk and bear their testimony, which will sound like this, "THIS CAN't BE TRUE! ALL I HAVE EVER DONE IS WANT AN ETERNAL FAMILY...." IT will be all about them. This will help you to see your place in their life very clearly.
2. Anger. Tell them you are taking a time out because you are angry that the church has lied. You are drawing closer to Jesus for comfort and inspiration. You can't understand how people with direct inspiration are telling people lies about what Mormons believe. You loved the Plan of Salvation and to think that Gordon B. Hinckley claimed it was n't even taught has bothered you since that happened. Ask them what they think about (an issue that you feel strongly about). Feel free to substitute your own issues for the one I just pulled out of thin air here. ONE ISSUE ONLY. Then let them talk. Keep asking if they feel any anger about these lies (name more if they need more). This channels their anger about you losing your faith (and ruining their expectations) to a discussion about anger towards the church, the actual deserving target of their anger.
3. Bargaining. Tell your spouse you have concluded that the church is not true; however, you understand and respect her desire to continue as a Mormon. Ask her to honor the 11th article of faith and allow you your beliefs and respect you for valuing truth as you see it. Negotiate attendance boundaries. Tell her you don't want her sitting alone in church, like a single person, and don't want her to be a target of Relief Society pity (a particularly onerous form). So you are willing to go to Sacrament (only) every week, every other week, every month (you decide ahead of time) and you would like her to join you on alternate weeks, months, etc. to attend a church of your choice or take the family to community activities, nature, etc, out on the boat, whatever YOU choose.
4. Depression. Tell your family ahead of time that your process was influenced by personal inspiration. It had nothing to do with the time they wore a pastel shirt to church or failed to wear stockings. Tell them this is a highly personal journey of spirituality which you take very seriously and not a reflection of anything they did or did not do or say. Tell them your primary influence, as always, has been the Brethren and their conflicting and uncompassionate form of Christianity. Your family will go through a period of depression, which is really self pity. The best cure for this is to maintain a cheerful disposition and joke about how now that you can smoke, drink and partake of whoredoms, you still have the values they gave you (or that you both grew up with) and intend to keep them. Ask if they have a bong you could borrow. (Just kidding). If your family can stand it, humor is always good --especially at this point in their process.
5. Acceptance. Eventually, no matter how you do it, your family and friends will have to accept that you no longer believe. They will join the rest of the world that does not love or choose friends based on having the same imaginary friends. The difference in whether acceptance includes alienation depends on how you handle it. Instead of composing an email (so sterile, like a dagger to a grandmother's heart, dipped in alcohol). Or blurting all at once, "Joseph Smith was an adulterous pedophile" because you have stuffed it for so long you are about to explode,
Taking a sane and slow method of gradual revelation gives the ones you love a chance to go through the dawning realization that your spiritual life is changing and it is yours to change. And you are the same loveable Joe in spite of that--or maybe in your case, because of it.
Best of luck!
We are hear for you any hour of day or night absolutely free!!!
Anagrammy