I feel as if I'm not supposed to live in society anymore. I feel as if I should become a recluse, or at least a partial recluse. I don't feel comfortable around people anymore at all. I don't generally hate people, per say, I am just not able to function around them, especially in large groups. However, I'm finding that I'm also becoming very frustrated with what I find to be idiots and/or extremists. I can't stand being around them, & I can't stand accidentally coming across them online. This includes TBMs of course. I don't know what to do. I'm not in a position to live as a recluse, & still work. I'm trying to figure out what I can do so that I'll be able to do that though.

He loves working from home, as he is sensititve like you seem to be. He can take a break and exercise, sleep, or whatever, as long as he keeps up with the business.

Lately, I've gotten like you. It's madhouse out there. I like to shop late at night when most people have gone home. I could stay in the house for days at a time, if it weren't for needing some walking exercise. I am comfortable with my own company.

I've been an introvert my whole life and the past ten years that has turned into reclusiveness. Fortunately, I had an occupation that allowed me to work alone most of the time. Now I'm retiring, selling the house and going to live fulltime in an RV, traveling the continent -- alone, thank you.

I haven't become the classic cranky old man. I still enjoy talking with a friend or two. I'm still somewhat optimistic about humanity. But I just don't need or want much social involvement. (That's one of the things that made it hard for me to be a good Mormon.) The extroverts of the world, or the people who crave validation from society don't understand us introverts and recluses. I don't hate people, I just don't want to spend much time with them.

So I wish you luck in your quest to build a satisfactory life of reclusiveness.

I kind of understand where you all, er, stand on not being out in public much. I'm kind of getting there myself. As the god George Carlin once said "I like people. But I like them in short bursts." Children especially.

Let the flaming begin.

My father has reached that stage in his life. He is reclusive and is fine just being by himself. He finds it very difficult to have to socialize on a regular basis with people.

I believe he has been hurt by others so severely, including the church, that he has reached a point where subjecting himself to the posibility of further pain actually makes him emotionally sick.

This may sound very pessimistic of him but he has mentioned to me that no matter where he goes or what he does on any given day, he meets as least one selfish, self centric a-hole a day.

But aside from that negativity towards humanity that he carries, he's one of the most loving men I've ever known.

I'm forcing myself to go out and meet a whole bunch of gay guys this afternoon. It's going to be loud with a room full of people I don't know. It's either that or stay home, which I do quite well.

I honestly don't know if this is the best way for me to meet friends, but it seems to be all that's out there. Maybe I won't go. But then I know what I'll end up doing.

Were you like this outside of church associations when you were a true believer? I think I was. Maybe there's nothing wrong with us. Maybe this is just how we are.

There's got to be a quieter way of meeting people for sensitive types.

i think it's good to push ourselves and stay engaged in the community. remember that the other guys you'll encounter are probably shy too and will appreciate you taking the first step! have fun! return and report!

My social-meter exploded.

Fortunately it was for me to get certified as a Home Care Aide which will allow me to work basically alone. I'll help clients (which they call "consumers" but makes me think of cannibals) stay independant in their homes as long as possible. So I can work without being a member of the rat race. My best friend is my first client and I'm hoping to pick up one more who is similarly isolated so I can do what I enjoy (help people) without having to interact with dysfunctional family.

Here in Washington we have a union (manditory) and get paid 10 dollars an hour starting wage and I get health benefits for 25 dollars a month if I work 80 hours a month. It's ideal for me.

And I'm like you fine folks -- I like my own company. When I want human contact I get my grandkids to come over for a while. I don't enjoy people around me much.

You might want to watch "Into the Wild" before you go through with it.

I'm not trying to discourage you, but it's important to consider the downsides of going "off grid".

I couldn't even attempt to live completely isolated like that, & I have absolutely no desire to. This is more about me planning to live in a big city, but more or less trying to avoid people as mich as I can.

Sorry, I misunderstood.

It's easier to blend, to go unnoticed. Whereas in small towns too many people know everyone else's business. And even though there are more people to drive you crazy in a large city, the chances of finding people you actually like increases.

It took major energy to contact the old boyfriend from 28 years ago and force myself to be social. I had just finished getting my 2 kids through high school.

I still work at home. I am VERY PICKY about who I socialize with--mostly just my kids, my ex and 2 of his past boyfriends, and my boyfriend. I have 2 very good friends from 25 to 30 years ago--who I see now and then and talk to regularly. I see some family, but not often as we are all recluses. The sibling I'm closest to I haven't seen in over a year--He lives 50 miles away. He gets home from work and goes into hibernation.

I also hated mormonism for the forced socialization. I had major anxiety every Sunday.

I believe I've just gotten pickier about who I spend my time with. I'd prefer to be by myself for the majority of my time.

What is a recluse? I'm thinking Howard Hughes. Does it mean staying away from people period? Or just not talking to people?

Take Stray Mutt. He'll be traveling the country. That doesn't strike me as a recluse unless he's taking back roads.

I want to respect the idea to keep to yourself, and not to have to constantly create and enforce boundaries. But sometimes extreme isolation can go hand in hand with depression. It's too hard to risk being hurt again, to risk being disappointed by various people.

I've found life is about taking risks. I've had friends who've hurt me, but I have also found incredibly supportive friendships that I cherish. Take it slowly.

But in terms of geography, if you're in Utah (Idaho or Arizona), take a break from mormons. It's like an addict taking a break from being around active addicts. It's not that there's anything wrong with mormons, just sometimes it can be hard to be around them when you are newly out. Sometimes you have been very hurt and just being around them triggers you. But I've found time heals, and things get easier.

"But I've found time heals, and things get easier."

For me things aren't getting easier the longer I live in Orem. I've been told the Provo/Orem area is the mecca of Mormonism, and in general they are such *ssholes. It's unbelievable. I seriously believe they PRIDE themselves on being this way. They show no remorse or humility.

I know it sounds like I don't want to be much of a recluse, but the line of work I'm in, I technically don't have to associate with many people.

I'm retired and reclusive for all the same reasons. I have no idea who will come to my funeral. I hope my extended family won't be too amazed by that.

The downside is that people do energize me and make me think, even if it isn't in a good way usually. Especially as I age, I run out of gas and need more motivation. A good book doesn't provide that like a run-in with an idiot does. Or an hour with a nice person.

I had a friend who was a WELL PAID high pressure attorney .HE SAID HE HAD ENOUGH.!! Started by making a list of his ideal lifestyle in sections.

Habitation
Location
Occupation
Renumeration

First -- He downsized his house and paid off mortgage, paid off all credit cards. Got rid of Mercedes bought a Saburu.

Second -- He moved away from the city to the outskirts of a small town, close to countryside and woods but not that far from the ocean. He specifically chose this location as one he would like to *RETIRE* to. However he decided he would just make it part of his life *NOW*.

Third -- He work out to the penny how much it would take to "live adequately" and he sought out part time employment which would cover his expenditures. He also decided to make a complete change of pace. He studied all about bee keeping, bought hives and he soon had a thriving little cottage industry selling natural honey (ONLY OPEN SATURDAYS) .

Fourth --He basically needed about half the money he needed from his high pressure job which he reckoned would kill him in 5 years. House paid off, car paid off, *Half the money but less than one third of the bills*

It takes a plan and determination but it is do-able.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT OUT OF LIFE !!!!

jb

mormon missionaries will STILL find you !

We moved into the country in a woody area. I like not being visible to everyone. ( we don't have many curtains in our house as we live on a hillside with no back neighbors and only 1 a little ways across the street.)

It's not so great for our 6 yr old who likes playing with friends but for me, it's nice.

OP- do you have a pet of sorts from whom you get affection and to whom you can give affection? You might think of that as having pretty much no contact with anything may not be the best idea- or it might be, for you. Just something to think about.

good luck.

It's not you. It's society.

The world is getting crazier and crazier and the society that we live in fosters craziness in its membes.

That is why, even if it drives you NUTS, you need to interact with others.

So you can inject a little sanity and compassion and civility into a world gone mad.

At least, that is what I tell myself.

Every day.

I feel the same way. The forced awkward social contact of the church was a nightmare for me. I think I would be perfectly happy living off in the desert somewhere remote, with just my books, my paints, and music.

That would be heaven. Heaven.

I like to see a handful of people, (friends I have had for 30+ years), once in a great while, but the energy it takes to deal with society at large exhausts me.

And this is messed up: I have discovered that I have zero patience for any type of religious discussion, other than this recovery board. I read a post about debate, and the way the morg affects ones critical thinking skills/ability to argue/debate. How we are taught to focus only on the emotional crap. Holds true for me. Most days I do not feel fit for public consumption. And I am totally okay with that.

As long as I could leave my hermitage to go to a great restaurant, the bookstore/art supply store, & meet up with a couple friends every three or 4 months, I would be fine
I think... :)

Way ahead of you there--I am a recluse. And I like it.

I'm the one who started the introvert/extrovert thread a while back (to which most of you on this thread so graciously replied).

**No judgment here AT ALL**

I'm a total extrovert. But I really, really would like to put you folks under a microscope and figure out what makes you tick. I'd go insane if I didn't have constant people and activity around me.

To the OP . . . life is too short not to live your dream. I say GO FOR IT!!! Good luck.

;o)

But I don't like big parties, or anything where I actually have to talk to people. That was a major reason why I hated going to church - the forced socialization.

I'm an introvert and need to spend my time alone. It's a way to recharge my batteries, so to speak.

I do freelance artwork from home (and a spouse who is usually not home), so I have the opportunity to spend lots of time alone.

I'm not someone who's into making small talk with people.
I'd rather have a few friends that I really click with, than a lot of friends on a superficial level.

I'm also someone who prefers to do grocery shopping in the evenings when not as many people are around. Or go to a restaurant during off-peak hours so it's not crowded.

If I spend too much time alone I tend to get that deserted island feeling. So I need at least some contact to balance things out.

I also wanted to mention that my spouse's family is mormon and they seem to treat me like fine glass that might break if they don't approach me very gently....all because I'm an introvert.
It's awkward. I'm just on the quiet side around people that I haven't gotten to know well, I don't have the plague. lol

They don't even think her problems are real either.

This is in California, not the Morridor.

As for myself, they just think I'm crazy & antisocial.