Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: January 16, 2011 03:19PM
I've had to deal with TBM family members and TBM former friends, each as an individual. To summarize what has happened, the bottom line is that the majority of them I don't see anymore, except at family reunions, funerals, weddings. I don't consider them friends anymore.
In setting boundaries with Mormons, I have had to generalize, too, like Cheryl has. Any law that is set down is general, by necessity, right? A trespasser is a trespasser, and we have a right to hose them. Some of the people I've closed the door on have been distant relatives I didn't know I was related to (I found out later), but all that mattered was that these men were stalking my children at 9:30 at night, to manipulate them into joining their stake basketball team.
We can't have all the facts about every individual Mormon--BUT WE DO KNOW THEIR AGENDA! I don't know about you guys, but that's enough for me!
We also know their attitude toward apostates, expressed by their own prophet, even Thomas Monson. We've experienced first-hand their lies and manipulations, and we don't like being treated like dirt.
We vary on the board, across the whole spectrum. I and my children were actually abused in the Mormon church, so of course we have a more acute reaction to the cult, as opposed to those who are currently married to Mormons and those who still attend cult meetings.
I agree with Cheryl. And, my idea of recovery is to avoid any more pain from that cult. I avoid the shunners, because it still hurts! I smile, and keep moving on, or look the other way. I shop at different stores, hang out in a different neighborhood. I'm still working on getting out of "pleasing the Mormons" mode with my TBM relatives. This is hard to do, unless I keep in mind that the only way an apostate can please a Mormon is to either go back or fail at life! I'm serious!
Like Cheryl, I'm part of the non-Mormon world now, and have some great non-and ex-Mormon friends (fewer but better friends).
If I still lived in California, instead of in the Moridor, my goal would be to just not think about the cult at all.
I'm in therapy for PTSD, due to ongoing childhood abuse in my dysfunctional Mormon family, and a temple ex-husband who beat me daily. I'm not saying ALL Mormon families are dysfunctional, but I can tell you that some of their beliefs (such as putting church ahead of family, and believing that unconditional love is anti-Christ, and frightening children into obedience) are most decidedly dysfunctional. When I was a child, it was the fad for parents to deny any mental aberrations, and to not believe in psychology at all.
The first signs of recovery come very soon after leaving the cult--happiness, freedom, more time and money, family enjoyment, love, appreciation of the good things in the world. I'd like to think that we all have more of these moments of pure joy!