There's a lot of life-suckery going on, going around, here, there, everywhere......I feel so used & abused by my time in the cult- I know healing takes time...just seems my awarenesses of my broken-ness is tumbling onto me fster thai can work them out.
Wah. Victim, I lnow...annnd, there's another to add to the list...now that my 'reasons' in life are gone, what value do I have?

And sometimes it feels like you are spiraling.

It helps to talk things out.

I felt worthless for many years. I exercise and take meds to get by. I wish I could give you a magic potion to make things better, but there isn't one. I will listen to your problems though :) Don't be afraid to share.

I'm overwhelmed ny life (hsp), learned helplessness, no career, tbm-x moved my kids, $ prob's, house falling apart, a.d.d., depression, social awkwardness, etcetcetc ad fucking nauseum...
Just ended 4-yr unhealthy r'ship, lost others due to attempting to change patterns...
Wait, don't I whine about all this enough?
I'm losing my mind.

first question?

do you have 4 limbs and 20 fingers n toes?
yes?

do you have people to spill your guts too?
right here on RFM

already you are off to a good start now see if you can add 10 more things to that list that make you better off that some of the poor bastards you see out there.?

in fact list them here on this thread. toss aside all the crap that sucks and type out what doesn't. it might take a while to get started but start simple if you have to, as simple as I have a dry place to sleep one more night or RJ has funny posts I like to read or the fridge makes ice, anything at all that you are thankful for, list it, nothing negative allowed, only positive, get ten things on the list and we can go from there.

OOPS, replied to wrong post.

Brownie, I will just say that I know what you mean. I really like the posts delving into gratitude and how absolutely true it is. A friend of mine asked me why I was in such a good mood one day. My reply?

It's sunny outside!

He said, it doesn't take very much to make you happy does it?

I said, I'm simple that way.

Be simple, be grateful. You have a life of possibilities and opportunities ahead of you, and will in no way be stuck where you are right now forever. I have social anxiety issues as well and whenever I'm afraid of something, I know I need to confront it and force myself to do it. I started with my fear of motorcycles years ago, and apply that lesson to everything that makes me nervous. I've gotten rid of a LOT of fears that way.

I've also struggled with depression and severe GAD. Those are hard things to beat and no one can understand unless you've been there.

Do you live in Utah?

If money is tight, take a hot bath, (if you have a tub), put on your pajamas, and read a library book. The simplest things in life can add to our happiness.



:-)

Ange



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2013 04:24PM by itsneverover.

Take a look at Roberb post (today) on problem solving. Maybe there will be something there that will help you manage.

I do work hard at seeing the gold, the gift in difficult situations. Thank you for the reminder to have gratitude-and that I can spill my guts here, haha, temple innuendo!
The learned helplessness thread hit me *hard* & I read up on it. So that awareness is fresh in my psyche as yet *another* way tscc broke me.
I am having a major reality check right now & it's kicking my ass...

Post-Mormonism, one of the more daunting AND liberating realizations is that there is no one coming to our rescue, not individually or collectively. After all the tears, time spent wishing for what never was and what is not, articulated grief, loss, and and other difficult emotions, there is existence. Life.

Either we do SOMETHING to improve the quality of our life, even if it's only doing a post on RfM asking for help as we try to figure things out, or going online to search for badly needed self-help information, or we do nothing.

Self-assertion or continuing to perceive ourselves as a victim and remain stuck - that's what it boils down to. The former might involve seeking out subsidized (100% or less) psychotherapy to talk over our situation with a mental health professional and work out a roadmap, so to speak, from where we are to where we wish to go in our life.

There might be a great amount of emotional and mental healing from Point A to B and the challenge before us might seem very daunting. But what's the alternative, really? Continue in the status quo?

None of us knows, specifically, what you need to do to move forward in your life, to heal and move into a psychological place, if you will, that works for you. You have to figure it out for yourself. It's your responsibility and part of you creating your life from this point forward.

In cultic Mormonism, people are not taught that Life is a process of self-creation. Significantly, via the choices we make - and don't make - we create our lives.

Mo-ism also doesn't teach people to learn to become resilient, to develop inner strength. In the disempowering LDS religion, the notion is that if an individual is suffering, he or she should 'turn to God' for help, God being defined by the religion.

In other words, Mormonism says that the individual does not have the strength in and of himself or herself to cope with whatever difficulty or challenges are facing the person. Hence, Latter-day Saints do not perceive themselves as personally powerful. The Mormon deities, Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ, are all-powerful and mortals are "nothing without God", goes the dysfunctional thinking.

But the "inconvenient" truth for an unhealthy religion like Mo-ism is that since the dawn of humans some 200,000 years ago, our species has ALWAYS had to learn to adapt/cope and be resourceful and resilient.

Fortunately, we live at a time in which there is more knowledge and resources available to people than at any point during the past 200 millennia. It's never been easier to reach out and ask for help and find info. that can help us solve our problems. We have extraordinary communication and other tools at our fingertips.

Here's online info. that may be of use to you:

Self-esteem is:

1. A feeling of being worthy and deserving.
2. The reputation that we acquire with ourselves over time, particularly with our mind.
3. Confidence in our ability to think correctly and in our judgments.
4. Confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life.
5. Confidence in our right to be happy and successful, however we define success for ourselves.
6. A feeling of being entitled to assert our needs and wants, develop our values, and enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

Self-esteem is based on the following practices:

1. Living consciously
2. Self-acceptance
3. Self-responsibility
4. Self-assertiveness
5. Living purposefully
6. Personal integrity

People with solid/healthy self-esteem deal with their challenges better (more functionally) than people with low-self-esteem.

You can improve your life. There are resources available to you. You can DECIDE what value your life has and use your time, energy, and other resources, as available to you during your existence, to that end.

Many people here are adept at providing comforting words and good counsel. But you have to take action to improve your life. No one's going to do that for you and there is no Deity-in-the-Sky who will, either.

Best wishes!

Thank you for an excellent post. You've identified many of the emotional/other problems living as a Mormon inculcates within its victims... Sadly, Mormonism is not alone in the damage it does to followers. More of us--more of everyone--could benefit from a little self-work to cast off harmful paradigms etc.

At least your money problems aren't compounded by paying 10% to the corp.

I feel for you, brownie. I also am feeling the helplessness, the lack of a serious career, suffering with add/adhd, depression, money issues, social awkwardness, and unhealthy relationships. And I hate feeling this way, too. I know I really don't know you at all, but I wish there was something I could do to help. At any rate, if you need to talk, talk.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2013 11:56AM by thereflectinggod.

I'm sorry to know you are suffering.

It can help to share it with others who care and are empathic.

Today I had to take a "minute" (really, about 15) to sit in a beam of sunlight with my dog and clear my head. Nothing has changed on the outside, but it helped to calm my inner beast.

Bein g present & conscious, as opposed to living in Stepfordville, where nothing gets inis my Intention...the sudden onslaught of awareness is breathtaking, heartbreaking & raw. That damn toothpaste just won't go back into the crumpled confines of it's tube.

This is what it feels like to be huuman...ahhh, the bittersweeet agony! *mocking self-drama*
& slightly furious @self for...well...everything...

brownie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bein g present & conscious, as opposed to living
> in Stepfordville, where nothing gets inis my
> Intention...the sudden onslaught of awareness is
> breathtaking, heartbreaking & raw. That damn
> toothpaste just won't go back into the crumpled
> confines of it's tube.

That moves me as something profound. I know everyone here, including me, will listen and help in any way we can. If you want, you can feel free to e-mail me.

Toothpaste!! don't worry about it coming out of the tube, finger paint on the mirror with it.

also let you emotions be felt, I like how raging Phoenix gets angry and the gives him reason to go on, if anger works for you use it.

think is you are you. too often you have been molded into what society thinks you should be, don't buy it anymore, look deep, see who you are and be who you are.

you will discover you are a pretty cool person and have your own unique gift to give the world or even just one other person in the world.

god or no god, the fact you exist right here right now on this blue marble in this corner of the milky way amongst billions even trillions of lifeless planets makes you pretty damn lucky :)

to read & respond. Though I may not mention specific posts/posters (due to posting on phone), know that I am reading every post multiple times, (will print out, too) & taking it in. It's so scary to spill it-this feels like a safe place to work it out. <3



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2013 01:23PM by brownie.

Mormonism restricts and distorts our vision about our own worth, the way life works, our future, problem solving and relationships. Brownie, the tools mormonism gave you sometimes don't work, and sometimes make things worse. You are rediscovering what the possibilities, good and bad, are. It is lonely and makes you feel helpless. But you can do this. I love the following quote from Eric K... because it captures the deep trench most of us find ourselves in after we leave mormonism.

Eric K... “I did not comprehend the ugliness of Mormonism until after I left the church, then it becomes quite evident. It seems to be a two step process for many. First, discovering the fraud. Second, experiencing the ugliness. Hang in there. Life gets much much better”.

Remember what is happening now won't last forever, and reaching out to others to learn will help you. I owe my sanity on more than one occasion to posters on RFM.

I'm sorry you're going through some shit right now. It's never fun, and I empathize.

No advice here, just know that I care.

I hope you are able to get in a good-enough place mentally & emotionally, and then progress from there.

Good luck. We're rooting for you!
-Rob

Now what was I going to say!?!?

MONEY PROBLEMS. I think money problems exacerbate everything else. I couldn't heal because all I could focus on was paying the next bill. I get really angry about the mental health industry--you can't even get a year supply of refills without going to a psychiatrist for a 15 minute $200 visit every 3 months to get your prescriptions. So if you go in for help, you can't afford it, so that just makes you more depressed.

Learned helplessness is a vicious cycle. I really don't know how I got here from there, though I still do battle it, but if you looked at my life and watched me go through my day, you'd think I had it beat, so just know that every day is a new opportunity to maybe make your world seem a little more tolerable. Believe it or not, one of the things I did was pull up all my carpet. My therapist cheered. Everyone else thought I was nuts. He said I was moving on. Could I afford new carpet. No. I had painted floors for a few years.

But I keep busy now. It is so wonderful to see a new painted wall, the lawn mowed, the dishes done. I force myself to go downstairs to do laundry once a day. I don't have to anymore, but doing one load of laundry meant I wasn't spiraling out of control. My toilet upstairs broke once and for 6 months, we all had to go downstairs. At that point, I hadn't been downstairs for 6 weeks, but then I was forced to.

Just keep trying to do one thing that has value to you everyday no matter how small. Walking and therapy saved me, but I know not everyone can afford therapy (I have insurance because I never did get divorced, otherwise, I couldn't have gone for therapy).

But financial problems are the worst. They really make it difficult to heal.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2013 01:48PM by cl2.

I love brownies ;-)