*not* mingled w/scripture...
But seriously, so many people are going through really hard gut-wrenching times right now...is it my imagination? Do es my empathic/hsp-ness make it that much more difficult to function well in my own life? Plus, .*bllleeahhhhh* Learned Helpless, ...I suppose my 'emotional boundaries' could be healthier...but I can't help how I feel things that aren't 'mine' personally, but ARE mine, as a human being.
I know that I have certain personality characteristics that could be very easily pathologized (see above), but I am flirting with the idea that they are indeed Gifts, not flaws...that we are all exactly where we are 'meant' to be, from a personal-evolution-stanpoint, and that the ultimate life-gift is full presence...and Love.

How do I stand in this place that feels like my very soulls

I am being shaken to my corei hear that I am not alone...my soul is being challenged like never befor to SHOW UP IN MY OWN DAMN LIFE.
& it's hard to break patterns deeply etched into one's core.
The support & understanding here are amazing...*bowing owo*



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2013 02:41PM by brownie.

Behold this painted body, a body full of wounds, put together, diseased, and full of many thoughts in which there is neither permanence nor stability. This body is worn out, a nest of diseases and very frail. This heap of corruption breaks in pieces, life indeed ends in death. What delight is there for him who sees these white bones like gourds cast away in the autumn? Of the bones a citadel is made, plastered over with flesh and blood, and in it dwell old age and death, pride and deceit. (Dhammapada 147-150)

I...don't...understand...
Reading, re-rreading...

Impermanence?

We're all human and subject to frailties and joy. This is life.

What's on your mind, brownie? I'm having trouble following you only because you're posting from a phone.

I think I get what you're saying brownie. Hang tough!

...hanging out in my own head.
...knowing who I am as not-a-mormon, and reconstructing my thought patterns to align with my truth. And finding out whhat that truth is...this liofe has been very emotionally painful (for me-I can only speak for myyself, of course).
I am trying desparately to find value in my life rioghht now. Remembering that I am a Creator, The Creator, of My Life.
I want it to be good. I know it's a choice...

Posting again, under my own thread...that's probably wrong...
Not attention-seeking, just processing & looking for answers that make some kind of sense...
No one is coming to save me.
That dream died in family court.
I appear ill-equipped to save myself.
How much can I ask of others?
It seems like what I need is too much...
...this could be more LH self-talk, but it just feels like I'm drowning in the mess of my own creation.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannnot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

...and ppl are 'going away'...I could be on the journey toward healing & healthier r'ships. *if* I am able to make new connections...

But maybe I'm the effed-up one...
Oversharing, lol?
Am I having a spiritual breakthrough?...or nucking futs?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/24/2013 03:34PM by brownie.

You know how it is when you're cleaning out a junk-filled room. You're having to decide what to keep and re-purpose, what to give away, and what to toss in the dumpster. It's exhausting to have to make so many decisions so you just give up and close the door.

Brownie, I think you're too honest to close the door. So do what I try to do when I'm cleaning the junk room. Work at it for short periods of time. Then close the door and go away and take a walk (really, a physical walk), eat something healthy and soul-satisfying, read something, listen to music that soothes or energizes you. Get your strength back. Then go open that door and go at it for a little while. Rinse and repeat.

Maybe it will be awhile before you find someone to help you clean that room, but maybe you'll find some friends to walk with while you're getting strong. I know you'll find friends here.

I wish you the best. Take it day by day. I know it's hard and hurts deeply, but it will get better.

Take care, Brownie, and be well!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/24/2013 07:20PM by cl2.

I totally get it, brownie. Are you my long lost twin? Boundaries are tough. Finding support is hard. Understanding yourself and finding the faith in humanity to try . . . it's just freakin' difficult!

(((hugs)))

...and, yes, I can no longer keep trying to hold the door shut.
I'm scared of what's in there & taking things out is painful & messy.

oh brownie, i could have written exactly what you did (but i didn't) i feel your anxiety, bogged down by too many things and that hopelessness and the harsh reality that at the end of the day, there is only you to rely on ad nauseum

just do ONE thing at a time
don't even think about any other number of things
just the ONE
then the next

and always ALWAYS be kind to yourself

I made through another day! ; )
I do need to remember tha the best I can do is the best I can do, one thing @ a time & celebrate even small victories.
Looking at how far I've come helps too, it just seems like I've got to remember all this on a deeper level...