Posted by:
Gay Philosopher
(
)
Date: March 29, 2013 06:09PM
Hi,
Obviously, your parents' beliefs are imaginary, but no less "real" to them for being so. You're fortunate to have a family of your own. Your parents aren't your most important link to the world. That should help to keep you sane. And remember: your children will never be part of the Mormon fantasy. Although we may not know the truth of existence--and we don't--we know that Mormonism is false. It's better to know uncertainty than believe what's provably false.
You can't change your parents. They belong to the Church because of the social aspects, primarily. It gives them a sense of belonging and a framework within which to find meaning, rather than having to create it themselves out of a chaotic, complex, and confusing world. They're doing the best that they can under the circumstances. Unfortunately, their best clearly isn't good enough, if they're to have a meaningful relationship with you.
Unfortunately, there's really no way around this. It sucks. I'm sorry that you're going through it. You've chosen the truth over comfort. These are the consequences. No matter what you do, you'll suffer--and so will they. I wish that there were some magical way of altering their beliefs, but, for them--from the standpoint of their optimal functioning--at this stage in their lives, those beliefs are serving them well, despite the fact that they're false. (It's funny how that works. It goes to show that a bad tree--Mormonism--CAN produce (some) good fruit, and does so all the time!)
At this point, I think that you need to decide on what you want. What kind of relationship do you want with your parents? You're not dependent on them, so you don't need to worry too much about offending them. The worst that they can do is to engage in emotional blackmail (which, of course, they've already begun doing), and emotionally abusive behaviors such as disparaging and belittling you, if not questioning your morality and sanity. The fact that you're no longer Mormon is something that they can't escape, and eventually, they'll either be forced to ignore this fact about you, ignore you, or change.
The best that you can do is to set firm boundaries. This will help everyone all around.
Life is hard. Just do the best that you can. You're not responsible for others' thoughts and feelings (but many Mormons are trained to behave exactly that way, to be "nice," to obey, and that many times leads to such an individual coming to harm, which you're experiencing for yourself now).
I commend you for having the amazing courage to free yourself from an imaginary religion (all of them are imaginary). This bodes well for your children, and your future. Think critically. Think independently. Live in accordance with your own conclusions. If you make mistakes--when you make mistakes--change, and try again. It's the best that anyone can do.
Good Luck,
Steve