So I have been happily married for four years. My wife and I have sex fairly often, but on the days when she isn't in the mood I sometimes like to view pornography (usually pretty standard stuff, a hot woman getting boinked with good shots of t&a is probably what i like the most). And of course that leads to masturbation as well.

I never talk to my wife about it, usually do it when she is at work or asleep. I feel guilty at times, but I don't know if that is from my upbringing in TSCC or if I am really doing something wrong since I am married.

Any thoughts?

If you're not getting any from her, I suppose it's okay. works for me.

edmarc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If you're not getting any from her, I suppose it's
> okay. works for me.

I disagree. That's when I think it isn't OK.

To the original poster, if you have a good relationship, but one of you has a stronger sex drive, it's a good way to equal things out.

If it is used to fill in for a bad relationship, and used as an escape instead of working on the relationship, then it's not a good thing.

It's rare for two people to have the same sex drive.

DNA Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> edmarc Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > If you're not getting any from her, I suppose
> it's
> > okay. works for me.
>
> I disagree. That's when I think it isn't OK.
>
> To the original poster, if you have a good
> relationship, but one of you has a stronger sex
> drive, it's a good way to equal things out.
>
> If it is used to fill in for a bad relationship,
> and used as an escape instead of working on the
> relationship, then it's not a good thing.
>
> It's rare for two people to have the same sex
> drive.


It's a good relationship. We don't fight and if she is ever interested in having sex I am always available. I just find that I am more interested in it than she is, thus I often do it solo.

You've been married 4 years and you still have sex fairly often? Lucky bastard.

Perhaps I was being a bit generous when I used the term "fairly often". Maybe 9-10 times per month.

Normal amt. of sex. Very common.

I think that masturbation is normal both within and outside of marriage.

As for the porn, IDK. To me, it's more of a young guy thing. As long as you don't let it overpower your relationship with your wife, a small amount of it probably does no harm.

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate

sonoma Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Every sperm is sacred
> Every sperm is great
> If a sperm is wasted
> God gets quite irate


Howling with laughter. Thank you! I love the Pythons!

I just peed a little.

I would say that if the fantasy interferes with your real relationship in any way, then its something that needs to be addressed.

I don't think what you describe is inherently wrong, but it could potentially be a problem, depending upon the nature of your relationship. If your wife is aware, and has no problem with you scratching your itch that way, everything's hunky dory. If she's not aware, or not OK with it, then there's some potential problems in the future.

For what it's worth, I don't think it's reasonable to expect a partner to seek sexual release SOLELY with the partner. Everyone needs to rub one out every once in a while, married or no. As to the pornography thing, I can't pretend to have an answer. Would it jeopardize your relationship? Is it a relationship worth hanging onto? Only you can figure that stuff out.

IMO, if you are "playing with your little factory" in place of having sex with your spouse, then you have a problem. If, however, you are masturbating because your sex drive is stronger than your spouse's sex drive, then, IMO, you have NO problem. Masturbation is natural and normal, just like breathing and sleeping.

Playing with your factory....well now...let's see. Normal behavior for all from a certain age on I would say. But if you are enjoying it more by viewing porn then it may be a problem. So that is what you must try to figure out. Can't answer that for you.

And sonoma, your sing-along gave me a big laugh. Probably killed some sperm.

The way I look at it, only having sex with your wife is like eating the same dish of food all the time. Nothing wrong with a little variety. However, it's different if a woman is unfaithful. Men are programmed by evolution to feel very hurt if their wife cheats because it may deprive them of an opportunity to pass on their genes to the next generation (if the wife gets impregnated by another man). In contrast, a man impregnating another woman doesn't interfere with his wife's opportunity to pass her genes on. The man can impregnate his wife too. So women didn't really evolve to feel hurt if their husband cheats.

Try telling that to your wife and see if she evolved to feel hurt.

That's bullsh___!!! Women don't feel bad when their man steps out on them???? Women don't feel horrible when they learn that this was occuring for many many months and still he would come home from his wkly trips like all is well on the homefront??? You are nuts!

Does your mommy know you have the 'puter on after lights out?

Anagrammy

We have tendencies about which we need to make good decisions. That's why you were given a brain to think with. Whether or not you cheat on your wife is a *choice*, not programming. This is the pseudo-scientific version of "the devil made me do it."

Of course there is nothing wrong with the porn or the rub. If looking at porn and jacking-off ruined Marriages, then the only people who'd still be married would be Lesbians!

I think that it's hilarious that people think that masturbation is OK as long as Porn isn't involved. As if using your imagination to fantasize is somehow more wholesome than *gasp* a Photo!

I think to be safe though, you should only masturbate while thinking of the Savior.

Seriously, dude, think about it.

You are a grown up now, you call the shots. Grow a pair already.

If it gets to be too big of a problem you might want to take Elder Peterson's advice and tie your offending hand to the bedpost at night.

I really never did understand the whole tying-one-hand-to-the-bedpost thing. I mean, if it's really that big of an issue, shouldn't you tie both? Leaving one hand to flap about still allows "self-abuse." And at that point, you have a completely different problem, because you need someone to do the tying and to get you loose in the morning.

Though some of us might not view that as a problem at all...

I think I should go ask my boyfriend to help me avoid some "self-abuse" tonight. ;)

If you're a normal healthy man that stuff has to come out. If it builds up your nuts swell to the size of grapefruits. It's called blue balls.

If you're not getting enough together you have to get it out alone. Nocturnal emissions sometimes do it automatically but not always.

For males who are healthy you don't really have a choice. Get some or endure excruciating pain. Ladies this is not an excuse. It is biology. We have to release old and dying semen or old and dying semen fills our organs and causes pain.

For comparison, do not under any circumstance breast feed or pump. Let it build up. That's roughly what it feels like.

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now, and we're lucky enough to still have a fairly active sex life. There are always times when it doesn't sync up, though. We both view porn and masturbate whenever the need arises; there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's not controlling your life, it's not harming your relationship, and it's not causing a problem. It fills a need, and it gives you an avenue for self-exploration in a pressure-free environment.

So enjoy yourself!

until I got married!