Never a missionary myself (thank heavens) and now I'm an old and decrepit gal, but from what I've seen and learned many marriages "make it", but they are miserable. Mormons find themselves in the worst of catch-22's - stuck in what they truly believe to be an eternal relationship they cannot get out of if they want to maintain good standing in the church. It is shocking how many empty, apathetic, and sometimes abusive marriages exist in the church because one or both spouses are living in fear and under the threat of status, financial, and spiritual loss.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2013 06:16PM by Cathy.
CTRringturnsmyfingergreen Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ...and then believe they will be "together > forever". Awful.
Wouldn't it make sense to spend time getting to really know the person you plan to spend eternity with?
I was barely 23 and she was a couple of months shy of 20. We lasted 6.5 years. She was a good girl, we just surrendered to the prescribed path that ultimately failed us both.
I was 18, he was 21. We lasted 24 months too long.
All of my siblings were married within the same age range. All but one is divorced at least once, some twice. The one that's still married stayed that way mostly because of money (IMO).
They all continue to keep getting married in the temple. All but be. Enough already.
That's interesting. Same with me and my siblings. Every one of us has at least one divorce, and some have more. So much for the Mormon upbringing being a sure path to family stability.
summer Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Aww, Susie, how sweet that you made it to your > 50th! That's lovely.
Yes! I was a bit concerned as he was not doing well. However, you'd never know by the way he picked up the pace with his walker into the decorated room! It was so funny! He was having a ball. I have a photo of all of his priesthood (High Priest) friends from 30 plus years ago all smiling and enjoying themselves! Priceless!!
I never did, but on two separate occasions, when I was already past 25, mothers in the ward tried to hook me up with their underage daughters. One told me, "It would be okay, because it wouldn't be like you were having sex or anything, and you can get married after she turns 18."
I was 19 and he was 21. We had dated for a year before he went on his mission and wrote while he was gone, been married 7. We're good. I'm not sure how this belief/disbelief thing will go, but I think we're going to be okay.
My RM dad married my BYU student mom within a few months of his return from his south american mission in the mid '60s.
They were both 21 (she waited for him, as they'd met when freshmen). My older sibling arrived less than a year after they got married. 7-ish years later, my dad became ex. Of their 6 kids, me included, 5 are also now ex.
They're closing in on 70 years old and still married. Dad's been ex since the '70s and mom has continued as a BIC TBM.
I love them both but I wouldn't wish their dysfunctional, stunted marital situation on anyone I care about. They have been sucking each other dry for so long I'm used to it - but on a rational level I know it's about as sick as it gets.
Everyone's mileage does vary, but the particular trajectory of my parents' marriage and its effect on their family and childrens' lives has been, IMO, particularly catastrophic.
Luckily, I didn't marry at RM. I married at 19, left at 26. We lasted 7yrs. If he wasn't a douche, we probably would still be married to this day. I'm very glad he messed up because I've been remarried now for 2yrs on the 28th of this month! I was smart enough to live with my husband for over a year prior to getting married this time around.
but my sister married her husband at 21 and he was 22. They are still happy after 30+ years. The only first marriage that lasted, but my other divorced siblings were not active mormon and not temple married. My sister and I were the only ones who temple married. She likes to flaunt that she is the only one who is still temple married. I have to remind her now and then that SO AM I.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2013 08:58PM by cl2.
I turned 22 the month before (and had only been back from my mission for 9 months) and she turned 20 six days before we got married. Well over eight years later, we are very happy together, but we both recognize how reckless we were getting married that young and that fast. The problem really isn't the age or how well you know each other, but really whether you both know what you want/need out of a relationship and whether the other person meets those wants/needs. In our case, we had made those things a focus of getting to know each other and we were extremely open and honest about our flaws, so there were no surprises after we tied the knot. I suspect a lot of the ones that don't last focused on the wrong things or were less than honest with each other and themselves. But even if they were, people change and divorce is bound to happen just because of people changing or not putting enough energy into making the marriage work and those things can't necessarily be predicted before the wedding.
When I was 12 (1988), people in the ward were talking about how a girl who's family had moved away was getting married. The thing though is that she was only 16 years old, & she was getting in the married in the temple to an RM. I was already a disbelieving NOM, so this sickened & creeped me completely. I thought, "How in the hell is she going to at least graduate from high school? Will her husband force her to have babies? What kind of perverted creep is this guy she's marrying?" This wasn't in the Morridor, but California.
Then years later, the pathetic jerk my cousin married would date only high school girls when he was in his 20s. He was a 24 year old RM, & used to prowl for 16 & 17 year old girls to date. They started dating when she was 17, & married the minute she turned 18. He has turned out to be one of the most pathetic, demented, misogynistic, racist, homophobic, anti-intellectual, conspiracy spinning, & emotionally abusive bastards I have ever known.
My moms aunt got married at age 16 to a 18 year old in the temple. 40 years later they are still married. Are they happy? I don't know I saw them once for about 10 min.
I got engaged just 8 months after I got back, but we didn't marry for another 5 years because we thought it might be a good idea to see if we might, you know, actually work together. I was 21 but she was actually 31, so you can imagine the "shame" and the doubt that everyone had about her, being evil or something.
26 and 35 now and we're the happiest couple.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2013 10:54PM by notsurewhattothink.
I was a couple months shy of 22, just having got back from Japan less than a year beforehand. My wife was just a month past her 20th b-day when we got married, but she was a teenager when we got engaged.
We just hit 12 years last month and celebrated by leaving TSCC together. Really glad we did it together.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/16/2013 11:29PM by utahstateagnostics.