Thanks to kimball's Temple Name Oracle website, I was able to learn my TBM husband's temple name. Last night I told him that it had been 'revealed' to me. He froze - I mean literally froze mid-movement - and asked through gritted teeth how I had gotten that information. I started to explain about the recycling of names and he brushed it off, saying he already knew all that, but just wanted to know how I personally would have gotten the info.

I was surprised and asked, "You mean you already knew about the name recycling? And that everybody that day gets the exact same name?"
His reply was: "Yes. I imagine it would be very confusing for the temple workers otherwise."
"But doesn't that make you wonder what the point is? Do you ever wonder -- "
He suddenly cut me off and stormed out of the room, saying angrily that whether he wonders anything or not doesn't matter, that it's only faith that matters. And since he's got faith and I don't, he will never discuss religion with me again.
Period. Exclamation point. End of conversation and Exit Stage Left.

Sad, but kind of fun to push that button. Like tapping on the knee with a doctor's reflex hammer and watching their leg kick out...

I can see the cog dis brewing. That's why he's mad. He knows, but he's trying to hang onto his faith.

My husband told me on the day we got married that everyone got the same names that day and that the names were recycled. Didnt think it was a big secret as far as that was concerned.

But telling him his secret name that was a secret kept from you - well that's just funny. Good job.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2013 10:30AM by wine country girl.

I used to think it weird that my Mom talked about knowing all of the daughters-in-law's new names since she went through the sessions when they took out their endowments.

What's the point of having a secret name, that you can't reveal, if it is so easy to figure out.

ROFL that was awesome! You totally should have recorded it. I'd be the kind to pull something like that, except that I'm SUPPOSED to know my wife's name. Of course, I supposed I could do something like that to my parents, siblings, their spouses, etc.

I just told my nevermo teenage son this story and he said, "What?" So if I go to heaven I would say, "No, Jesus, not son-of-toto, my new name is 'Alex' and that would get me in?!" Then he couldn't stop laughing and said it sounded like the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

Have to agree with him.

AC:

are you trying to Ambush your DH's faith?

I'm not sure I agree with that / the other posters;

how about:

"Live & Let Live" ?

I would be completely willing to live by that but perhaps you should read some of my past posts about our interactions before you judge me. This man has outfight refused to allow me to discuss religion with my children and has forbidden them from asking me any religious questions. One child told me "Daddy said I have to run out of the room and call him right away if you ever start talking about church stuff." He has said that church comes first and not me, even when I was lying in the hospital with a life-threatening allergic reaction. I could go on and on, but the point is that as long as he is treating me unequally and condescendingly, he can darn well expect me to not take it sitting down.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2013 10:38AM by AngelCowgirl.

Ugh... he sounds very controlling! And you obviously rattled him.

Pay no attention to marriage advice from a divorcé.

I've read some of your posts, and IMO your husband is fighting dirty, totally fair to fight back.


Regarding the recycled names... Both the bishop and my mother told me that the new name is the special name I was called by in the preexistence. Not everyone is disclosing this shit appropriately. With that set up, I would have been both disappointed by some shitty name like Hulda, and then devastated to know it wasn't special at all, but everyone else got it that day.

Fiona, it's a jab at a particular idiot who can't be bothered to give advice pertinent to the situation. Yours, on the other hand, is wise.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2013 11:50AM by WinksWinks.

AngelCowgirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I would be completely willing to live by that but
> perhaps you should read some of my past posts
> about our interactions before you judge me. This
> man has outfight refused to allow me to discuss
> religion with my children and has forbidden them
> from asking me any religious questions. One child
> told me "Daddy said I have to run out of the room
> and call him right away if you ever start talking
> about church stuff." He has said that church
> comes first and not me, even when I was lying in
> the hospital with a life-threatening allergic
> reaction. I could go on and on, but the point is
> that as long as he is treating me unequally and
> condescendingly, he can darn well expect me to not
> take it sitting down.

Maybe, as I'm married for a second time and never-mo, my advice is irrelevant. However, I have a word of wisdom for you: competent, non-LDS marriage counseling needs to be sought. Period.

Teaching your children to disrespect you is abuse in my book. Run out of the room? It's like telling them you are mentally unstable. I could never stand for that. It's also teaching them to go to him rather than learning to think for themselves just as LDS, Inc. teaches him to do with regard to TSCC. What a horrible cycle of dysfunction. Hope you find a way out WITH your children. I also hope you are keeping a record of all these things and dating it. In divorce court it will make him look like a maniac unless you live in Utah.

....teaching Mormonism is abuse. Mocking a temple name--disrespectful, I see your thinking. Disrespectful of something that merits disrespect. I guess that comes down to judgement.

It is certainly counter to the objectives of a cult and those supportive or comfortable or indifferent to the propagation of a cult.

Maybe she will find such a disrespect fails and is counterproductive. Hopefully she will share that information with the RfM community and institutional knowledge will begin to develop on how to help separate children from the Mormon cult in mixed-marriage situation. The Mormon cult has certainly developed and passed on the expertise of preserving homeostasis in its' favor when just one parent leaves Mormonism.

Without assigning words or ideas to ACG's actions, I will trust she is doing what she thinks is best until shown differently. I support her efforts to diminish the role of the Mormon church cult in up the lives of her children, and especially her life. She is against a powerful, self-serving culture with expertise in the operational and social ways it can influence her and her children. She's fighting back.

If the point is you think she is making a mistake, fair enough. If you are assigning a morality to her mistake, the stakes are high and I admire that she is playing an active role in those stakes and will withhold judging those mistakes unless she is clearly wrong.

Best. The Mormon cult has targeted your children from birth. Parents that fight to extricate their children from Mormonism have my support.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2013 12:13PM by gentlestrength.

Mormons "live and let live"?

Since when I really mean this, since when?

that's one ferret dangling by a thread.

Angel, you might be rattling the cage in unnecessary ways.

Perhaps you can find a neutral area to discuss on philosophy or science. Something that could help him use logic without feeling threatened. I bet he has religious identity crisis. He identifies through his ego so strongly to Moism that any negative talk about it is personal. To exit it would be like cutting off an arm or poking out his eye. It will take a lot to de-program someone like that. You can try working with him on general skepiticism with other subjects.

Getting him upset won't help him see the light. Mormons are so defensive about the temple.

AC does NOT have to play that (meaning his) game. She is free to make up her own game.

I think that the "my way or no way" is typical zealous mormon thinking. Unfortunately, I think it is also psychologically damaged thinking that cannot be simply address using normal communciation. Mormons are not mentally equipped for normality. It really really sux to be married to a TBM. However, if she wishes to remain married, she may have to approach his abnormality with patience and caution until he is normal.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2013 10:45AM by Jesus Smith.

+1

What you describe is a characteristic that contributes to Mormonism being a cult. The script is really so fragile, it can't withstand honest inquiry and the best way to maintain it is to shut down any contrary ideas or criticism.

AngelCowgirl said her DH instructed their kids to run (screaming) from the room if she brought up religious topics to them. He effectively does the same when she brings up anything religious (or anything contrary to his religious ideas). Communication is shut down to prevent any non-conformist thoughts getting in. These are, btw, of the "Devil" (que eerie music) because they are not faith promoting.

Can you imagine confronting the DH tactic of getting kids to tattle?

Int. Scene - Family all together, having FHE.

AC: Kids, I've heard that your father would like you to tell him anytime I discuss religion with you. How do each of you feel about that?

Dad: Hold on, I didn't--

Kid1: It sux.

Kid2: I dunno, I get treats when I tattle.

Dad: Oh, shit.

Awesome...would love to have seen it.

There is always the option of making some type of nickname to call him during 'those moments' such as heated arguments.

For example, if his temple name is Heber, I would occasionally drop in 'well heebs....'

I say:

take the High Road.

If he's controlling & one-sided about religion with the kids, that needs appropriate solution / resolution.

I'm NOT suggesting that AC be Anyone's doormat!
A marriage should be nourished by Trust & Respect, NOT BY BULLYING!

but, taking that role will destroy the relationship, IMHO.

my suggestion: document the incidents (write them down, including dates/times). When you have a few, invite DH for a sit-down & tell him you won't tolerate this any longer.

If he refuses... is there some 'friendly' church authority who will recognize this as bullying? I hope so....



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2013 10:49AM by guynoirprivateeye.

It especially encourages the bullying of women. Good luck finding a church person to back her up on that one.

Rebeckah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It especially encourages the bullying of women.
> Good luck finding a church person to back her up
> on that one.


+1. After all, the husband is the "leader."

I highly doubt that he knew that. He proly just didn't want to admit it.

I knew it as a TBM. I worked the veil when I was in college and got privy to more info about the process then. It never bothered me that they recycled or used the same name for everyone that day. It's just a word, after all.

This thread makes me think "Soup of the Day"--if you've been bad and you get to the Pearly Gates, Joseph Smith is standing there like the Soup Nazi and says: "No soup for you!!"

I love this! absolutely awesome. now where is the website?

I always wondered about how we all had the same name that day. I didnt even have to ask if that was true, it was just sort of obvious to me. I never shared it out of fear.
My husband told me his once but I could never remember it after that.
I do think its really funny what you did but at the same time I can see the point some others are making by "taking the high road." Then again Im not in your shoes and it all just sounds like a really ugly situation at home. I dont have any advise really, maybe counseling with a non mormon?
Good luck!

Ahh.. so that's why he's mad -- because he has faith? Seems to me that he's mad precisely because he doesn't have faith. If he had faith, it would all make perfect sense to him, and he wouldn't be irritable about it at all.

I think Mormonism is about winning arguments and being right, and not about values or faith or anything else. He's mad, because you won that round.

Remember this phrase, "your Dad is just being silly." Whenever your children yell you that they can't talk church stuff with you, or they have to run out of the room. Follow it by, "I would never tell you anything that would hurt you."

Why don't the sessions for the living get their own names. I can see using the same name for the dead, but for your own endowment you should get your very own name. So much for the event being your special day.