He met a very nice woman during Utah's ridiculous 90 day "waiting period" to get a divorce. I don't remember him having any 90 waiting period to obtain a marriage license. Anyway, they didn't date or do anything that would seem untoward, and on the day the judge issued my brother's divorce decree they started dating. Of course, they're waiting until marriage to have sex. So, it hasn't even been a month, and they are already talking about marriage.

I told him at the beginning that I think waiting to have sex until marriage is the worst idea ever, because you have no idea if you're sexually compatible and you're so horny and wound up you're not thinking straight. He had an answer for everything, which I'm sure has been fed to him by the Mormon church. I didn't press the issue though, because I know he's a 100%'er in the Church and he'll never listen.

So, now they've been dating for not even a month, and they're already talking marriage. Well, he's a big boy, and I'm not going to lecture him or be a jerk or anything. I'm sure they'll be married by summer in some quicky ceremony in the mountains or on the beach or in Las Vegas, and they will hardly know each other, and they have six kids at home between them. It's insanity! And it's all because they're being "chaste." It's so stupid.

There. I feel better now.

I know of a TBM man in my extended family who divorced his TBM wife after 30 years. He IMMEDIATELY went to an online LDS dating site, met a TBM woman in Europe and proposed to her without even meeting her in person. He married her by proxy, having never met her in person. She came to the US and they are now living together (no idea how that's going!)

My theory: LDS males cannot masturbate, but they love watching pornography. (When he was married to his first wife, even though they were sleeping in separate bedrooms, he would watch Internet porno, get all worked up, and then beg the wife to "take care" of him, since he could not masturbate for relief).

I think they marry quickly just so they can get their rocks off.

RPackham Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> My theory: LDS males cannot masturbate, but they
> love watching pornography. (When he was married to
> his first wife, even though they were sleeping in
> separate bedrooms, he would watch Internet porno,
> get all worked up, and then beg the wife to "take
> care" of him, since he could not masturbate for
> relief).
>

Gee, I wonder why they divorced!

RPackham Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I know of a TBM man in my extended family who
> divorced his TBM wife after 30 years. He
> IMMEDIATELY went to an online LDS dating site, met
> a TBM woman in Europe and proposed to her without
> even meeting her in person. He married her by
> proxy, having never met her in person. She came to
> the US and they are now living together (no idea
> how that's going!)

See, with heterosexuals, they can do that. But not for the LGBT people. How can anyone NOT see the injustice and inequality?



When he was married to
> his first wife, even though they were sleeping in
> separate bedrooms, he would watch Internet porno,
> get all worked up, and then beg the wife to "take
> care" of him, since he could not masturbate for
> relief).
>
> I think they marry quickly just so they can get
> their rocks off.


Wow, that man has single-handedly redefined "pathetic." That he would rather "beg" than masturbate is really beyond me.

why did he divorce his first wife?


I'm a little worried for him. A lot of the time people get divorced and go for someone that is completely different than their ex (and get w them for that reason). They are rarely the right person to be with permanently; they just help to patch someone up inside from the hardship that is divorce. I doubt he is all better after only 90 days.

Maybe you should express your concern for his well being instead of the wrongness of the woman he is dating or his sexual practices. He will probably be a lot more receptive if you make it about his well being instead of something more negative.

No, we had that talk too. He's in a big rush to remarry, and he said so. I live on the east coast, and I haven't met his girlfriend yet. She looks a little like his ex. His ex-wife cheated on him, abused drugs and alcohol, and pissed away about $30k. Then she screamed at him in front of the kids and told him that she never loved him. She was actually the one who filed for divorce.

I'm just worried that he's in such a rush to make such a lasting decision. I think the reason is sex, but like I said I'm not going to lecture him or be a jerk or anything.

I agree with you. They really shouldnt wait. I wonder what percentage of Mormon couples wouldn't have gotten married had they had sex a few times before marriage to see if there was true chemistry. I know that there is no way in HELL I would have married my ex-wife had we had pre-marital sex. NO WAY! As for my current wife we were together (including living together) for three years before getting married almost a year ago and needless to say I have NO complaints in the bedroom :)

My brother did the same exact thing.

The only good thing is all their kids are grown adults.


I can't say much though. I moved in with my BF about a month after my divorce was final. We got married 6 months later. At least we lived together for awhile first. We've been married 23 years.

Also, neither one of us were mormon at the time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2013 07:16PM by mia.

That's what my SIL did. Met a guy at a singles dance - both were in their 40's, divorced with kids. He has two, she has three. They were engaged 3 weeks later and eloped a month after that. None of their kids were at the wedding. What really worried me is that the guy she married had restricted visitation with his kids. He could be alone with them but only got them a few hours a week. My sister, who works with a lot of government organizations, said child protective services rarely does that (at least in our area - she has a lot of friends in that department) unless there is a problem with the dad. Scary. And yet my SIL was so desperate to have a husband and what she called "a real family" that she believed his excuses. In all fairness, we haven't caught him in any inappropriate behavior and his sons are nice, polite boys so maybe he didn't deserve that judgment. But what bothers me is that my TBM SIL was so desperate to fill her assigned Mormon role that she put her kids in danger to do so and married with almost no thought whatsoever.

Oh, I so can relate. TBM BIL remarried in a rush to a much younger woman. She's not old enough to be his teenagers' mother and has a young, spoiled son. You can imagine how that's working out with his four teens who were practically blindsided by their parents' divorce and dad's hurry remarriage. Of my in-laws, I would've guessed that this BIL actually had his head screwed on straightest...guess I was wrong.

I think people should recover from one relationship (especially a bad one) before they start another.

But people usually don't listen when they are given relationship advice.

My younger very TBM cousin has in the last 3 years - gotten divorced, remarried very quickly, & low & behold got divorced again. The second marriage was so short that I never even met ex-wife #2. Luckily, they didn't have any kids together. Tell your brother that he needs to cool his heels.

Geez! I know a guy like that, got divorced and married again right away, and is now divorced twice more, and is only in his mid 40's. It's such a mess.

my TBM dad lost 2 wives to cancer. He was remarried to new TBM's within 6 months of both of them dying.

Wow, this post answers my separate post. The rush to remarry IS a Mormon thing.

it really is. He found wife #2 on lds singles btw lol

Peradventure, he just wants to get laid?

Wow. The first wife must feel oh so very special to have been so easily replaced.

Why wait? He's already a licked cupcake. It would be unfair for him to demand that she save herself since he has not done so.

Marriage is just a legal contract. If you rush into to have sex, then you are no better then someone who has sex without it. Actually no, there is nothing wrong with the person who has sex without it, but the person who rushes into a contract, in order to have sex is an idiot.

There oughtta be a law. Especially with children involved.

My sister divorced and remarried in less then six months to a guy she knew for only two or three months. So far he seems like a good guy, but they've been married less then a year, so it is really too early to tell.

That's the problem right there. If the marriage turns out well, that doesn't make it right. Marrying someone you hardly know is a recipe for disaster, especially when there are kids involved. There are six kids at home and another three who are grown in my brother's case. My aunt did the same thing. She adopted half a dozen kids with her first husband. Then she married another guy with five kids who beat her. She had two more kids with that guy. Then she married the guy she's currently with, and he had half a dozen kids of his own and they also had kids together. Kids kids kids!

I have one kid and no desire to remarry. So, maybe I'm the wrong person to be worried. But I am worried about my brother.

If they lived together first, they would avoid the divorce turmoil. Since mormons can't do that, they marry, and marry, and marry.

It's a good deal for mormon attorney's.

Wait, wait, wait, you are saying that a religion ran by attorneys would go out of their way to pick a position that was favorable to attorneys?

Of course attorneys never see it that way. They see having to get an attorney involved during a break up as a good thing, for both sides, so their rights are fairly represented, and that is well worth the four to five thousand that each spouse will spend.

It makes sense to me. Take it one step at a time and see how it goes. Don't put the cart before the horse. But I'm an evil ex-Mormon, so nobody cares what I think.

Its a very healthy maxim. Shacking up, getting involved or marrying on the rebound is a bad idea.

The average time for for Mormon males over 35 to replace his spouse is 5 months.

Ex-husband #1=2 months, but he had to wait for the divorce to be legally final before re-marrying in the temple. He beat her, too.

Ex-husband #2 actually didn't wait until filing for divorce--he just moved in with his new woman. She makes his life a living Hell.

Our ex bishop's wife died, and he got remarried 4 months after her death. She was only after his money, and when he lost it, she left him with nothing but a note taped on the wall.

I was in the Mormon single adults group (against my will) for many years, and have a lot of true stories. There were single TBM women who would check the obituaries. My sweet neighbor, a doctor in the Stake Presidency, ran into someone he barely knew at a high school reunion, when his wife was dying. The "death-monger" didn't even wait until the wife was dead. She brought them dinners, did their laundry and cleaning, and when he broke his leg, she moved in with him. They were married as soon as it was legal, and she began making doctor's appointments for all kinds of plastic surgery, bunion surgery, knee replacements, and also cruises, river trips. Doctor build his beautiful house himself, and the first thing she did was put his house up for sale, at a huge loss in equity. She is a horrible person, and he must be, too, because she talked him out of helping any of his children; in face, she talked him into dis-owning his daughter because she got divorced and was left with four kids.

Tell your TBM brother

Terrifying, and yet I have stories I've seen too. So much of it could be averted by slowing down.

Oh, how many mormons have I seen marry very quickly after their divorces. One I worked with met a guy, spent the whole weekend "dating" and were married a week from the day they dated. They just have to hurry up and make it legal so they can screw. Stupidest idea in the world. I know one really pretty gal who is on husband number 5 or something like that. /They've all been losers.

Waiting to have sex until marriage is just effing stupid. Especially when you're well into adulthood and should know how to have a responsible relationship. But noooooooooooo, can't start with the responsibility thing for older people. Then the young people will want to be responsible too and won't be jumping into marriages just to have sex. Can't have that.

I have a friend who was also married to five different men. Then she met another woman, and they've been together nine or ten years now. They were recently married, and they seem very happy.