Situation: My young child's father (emotionally abusive & volatile) has taken our child to the home of a registered sex offender, a friend of father's. (For clarification: his offense was against an older-teenage child-and has not been, to my knowledge, a repeat offender.)
I do not know how much contact my child has had with this person; I do know that father has asked our child to keep information from me.
Confronting father would result in my child being punished (verbally abused) for telling mom, as well as a $hit storm directed at me. It could get *really* ugly, and I've already had my share of Family Court-style ugly.

My child should not even be ACQUAINTED with this person, as his arrest was the year my child was born.

If I believed that my child was in imminent danger, my actions would be aggressive.

I approached the school for guidance in handling the situation. "We're sorry you two are both having a hard time right now."
Um, no...it's about our CHILD.

It seems the best action is for me to anonymously report to the DOJ that this person is known to have been in the presence of a child, and get counseling for our child (which is needed anyway).

Has anyone had the experience of attempting to get their child's needs met by professionals, but being marginalized or even vilified by those professionals who are *supposed* to be able to see what is going on?

How do I approach this?

Upon reflection, I believe this is On Topic because the way I present myself (I guess) is incongruent with the strong person I know I am, but was taught to suppress--
which has a tendency to leak out the sides looking like Crazy/Angry.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2013 02:00PM by brownie.

Brownie, That sounds like a tough deal. Unfortunately, I don't have any experience to help you with. Have you thought of contacting child protective services for your state? This is where educators report anything they suspect might be going on in a child's life that may be a problem. You should be able to make an anonymous report. Also, have you looked into child and family support services? They have some great resources. Good luck.

Sounds like a classic case of brushing-off-a-female-with-an-issue-I-don't-want-to-touch.

But I have a damned hard time getting anyone to take me seriously to my face so I could be projecting.

Are you in Utah? Gets extra hard to be taken seriously, especially when your penishood backup won't back you up. Gawd forbid a woman know what she's talking about.

I think your planned course of action is good, although consulting an attorney might be in your best interest too. Document, document, document. :(

Brownie Wrote:
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<Upon reflection, I believe this is On Topic because the way I present myself (I guess) is incongruent with the strong person <I know I am, but was taught to suppress--
<which has a tendency to leak out the sides looking like
<Crazy/Angry.


I don't have any great advice but wanted to say I know how you feel in your above statement. It's tough trying to rein in certain emotions when you've been taught to act a certain way for so long. Hang in there! It sounds like a tough situation! Hopefully someone here will have some good advice for you :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2013 04:07PM by luvcake.

GET AN ATTORNEY! They can give you the best advice on your options. I know a friend who had some custody issues and their attorney was willing to file a restraining order for waayyyyy less than what your ex did.

What state are you in? Here in AZ, divorced parents are required by law to inform the other of contact with a sex offender

My experience was that the courts won't do anything unless your ex takes your kid to a meth house and forces him/her to smoke it and even then the state will probably blame you somehow.

I too was forced into co-parenting even though my ex was diagnosed bipolar, couldn't live on her own, and had threatened to commit suicide. She could barely take care of herself let alone an infant. But the judge ordered co-parenting and let me tell you, the first few years were hell. Finally, ex stopped being difficult and let me be in charge of things. That happened when our daughter became school age and she needed to be with one parent during school.

Over time, we have evolved to me being primary custodial and she does weekend visitation, which worked out best for everyone. The other good thing was our daughter became old enough to tell people what she needed and has become a self-reliant child (she's now 11).

There were times when I was so afraid something bad might happen when she was away from me, knowing how wishy-washy mom's thinking could be. I'd have a knot in my stomach when she left my sight. But about age 6 or 7 I started to relax.

I think for your situation today...you would have to prove your child was in real danger. If you think you can do that, then call an attorney and request a change of custody. Be sure to get a child custody attorney. Good luck!