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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 05:28PM

For believing her when she said, "I'll convert," before I married her. Unending harrassment for 20 years. I hate that cult!

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 05:44PM


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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 07:25PM

Yeah, she said "I'll convert" to regular Christianity, if the LDS thing is a problem, before I married her (my JackMo wife). Of course she didn't, and within weeks of marriage her F-ing TBM family is all like, "When is StillBurned going to that 'the discussions'?" Well, I told 'em up front I wasn't going to and that I had a religion of my own. Future FIL said, "Oh, we're Christians, too." Like I said, I'm an idiot for buying into it.

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Posted by: anagrammy ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 07:42PM

Yes, you were.

"I'll convert" goes with "the check's in the mail" and "prove you love me."


Ana

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 08:24PM

It's clear you're unhappy with your wife's family. Are you unhappy with *your wife*, though? Some sort of in-law problems are not unusual, although it is too bad the ones you have are the ones you'd hoped not to have. Also, people in love make all sorts of promises that seem possible while in love but then don't work out. Even if your wife had converted, you'd have similar problems from the in-laws. They'd be after the both of you. Does your wife side with them or put pressure on you, too? That would be unfair, since she knows firsthand you said you wouldn't become Mormon.

I don't think you're an idiot--or at least what you did doesn't fall into a special category of idiocy since, as I said, people in love really overestimate what they will do.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2013 09:45PM by robertb.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:24PM

Yeah, I'm unhappy with her. She's a jellyfish and she won't tell them to back the f--- off. She goes to church with me even, but won't do a thing to kill the perception that poor Sister Stillburned married a heathen (oh sorry, "her husband's not a member"....like I'm a flippin' godless heathen).

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:41PM

You care a lot about what they think. Unfortunately, what other people think is a tough thing to control. The hardest people to stand up to are friends and family.

What do you like about your wife?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2013 09:48PM by robertb.

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:03PM

Perhaps your wife needs to stand up to you, too, stillburned. You have referred to her as a "jellyfish" and as "lazy." Not a good sign for your relationship. I get you are frustrated with Mormonism, but name-calling is a bad road to go down. If it is an indication of how you speak to her, it is bullying.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:07PM

She has no problem standing up to me, trust me.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:14PM

Truth is there were to promises when we got married: 1) I'll leave Mormonism, 2) I'll be faithful. Neither were kept...and if there is to be reconciliation, that's my deal. Am I selfish? I don't care if I am...that's my condition...don't like it? Leave. Call me an @$$hole, I don't care...I've been far more forgiving otherwise than 80% of all men...and that is because of my Bible-thumping evangelical Christian faith.

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:28PM

No. I won't call you an asshole. Your wife had a sexual affair? That's painful, if that's what you mean. And you are right, most men don't forgive affairs.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2013 10:30PM by robertb.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:44PM

robertb, yes, it was. Two years on the internet in the middle of the night, then met up with the guy halfway across the country for a one-time encounter, with the excuse she was visiting a doctor--who she did visit. She confessed and said she'd do anything for me to stay...but not before she called the bishop, who she didn't even know.

He was pretty cool. I liked him...his wife was terminally ill and he still put up with being a bishop. But the other self-righteous pricks in the ward? Oh, poor Sister Stillburned...Brother Stillburned isn't a member. What about Brother Stillburned and his broken heart? God, I prayed they'ed ex her and we'd be done.

But they didn't...and the forgiveness of a ward she didn't even know seemed, on some level, more important than mine. She can thank my Bible-thumping Baptist preacher that I DIDN'T leave...because we teach forgiveness, to a fault perhaps...and he volunteered to meet and talk with me any time to help get through it. And my concentration on helping the poor has helped me work past much of my own pain.

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Posted by: robertb ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:56PM

I'm sorry. It's a rough thing to go through and the pain lasts a long time. No wonder you're angry. At the time I was leaving I felt my wife was having an affair with the church--it always seemed to be in the middle of my marriage and marriage bed. You've had both the literal affair as well as the symbolic one. I get your anger better and hope you will find some solace. I apologize for being judgmental.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2013 10:56PM by robertb.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 28, 2013 07:46AM

No problem...at heart, if there's one thing I know people on this board are NOT, it's judgmental.

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Posted by: Brian M ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 08:01PM

No, you were naive. Her Mormon roots were deeper than you could have known.

What's the situation now? Is your wife wanting to return to activity? Or is it just tension with her family?

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:34PM

She goes with me to church and I think her "shelf" is getting really heavy. So, not so much activity as the lovebombing by the local ward is incessant. I think the visiting teachers have to make their numbers by the end of the month, and magically, they want to love bomb her on Tuesday. Have I read that somewhere here about VT/HTs?

I don't appreciate them pitying her because oh, poor sister Stillburned, her husband is "not a member." Doesn't matter that I'm active out with my church feeding the poor and actually serving people in need at various Christian charities...when none of them do SQUAT to help the poor...I'm teaching Sunday school, I'm mowing the lawn of the old lady next door (without love bombing her to go to my church)...and I'm the flippin heathen?!?!?! 'Cuz my church is an "abomination" in God's sight...I'm sick of the tension. I'm sick of DW not just pulling the plug on TSCC to end the lovebombing and the calls. NONE of those women would ever call DW again as a "friend" if she formally resigned and she is too gullible to realize that.

Then her sister will find out she's going to church with me and I'm the a-hole, ya know? MIL and FIL died...and they had already learned to accept me, I think. It's that older sister of hers that lays on the guilt trip heavy and thinks I'm a monster, not that she does SQUAT to help the poor or show anyone she believes what she says she believes. I just had the gall to say I believe it's not true.

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Posted by: Bradley ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 08:04PM

You didn't hear the "you" she said under her breath.
"I'll convert <you>".

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Posted by: intjsegry ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:31PM

Exactly. I've rarely hear of a mormon converting to christianity, or being willing to... it is usually the other way around.... right from the start it sounds like you both wished the other was something they were not... bad news...

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:35PM

Twenty year nightmare that I'm ready to be done with.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:38PM

She's too lazy to look into any of it. I read everything. All the Mormon stuff. All the Christian stuff....nothing they would call "anti" and it's just plain as day to most Christians--if they look for themselves and don't trust the TBM that calmly assures them "Oh, we're Christians, too"--that Mormonism is crap.

This site does give me some encouragement that one day she'll cut the final string, not straddle the fence, or hold onto a little of Mo-ism "just in case it's true."

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:40PM

I don't know. Sorry to bother all the good people here with my woes. I'm not an ex-Mormon after all--I'm a Never-mo. You folks were the smart ones, pulling yourselves out of that brainwashing, when I was too dumb to even look into what they believe.

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Posted by: intjsegry ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:41PM

Now, now that you know... don't you just cringe?

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 10:08PM

Yep.

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Posted by: stillburned ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:35PM

Haha, you got that right!

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Posted by: intjsegry ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:41PM

It happens, probably to everyone on some level. The church portion, just makes it... so much more.

When I left mormonism, I also left my TBM husband (not that I am advocating it, it was what was right for us) I realized I didn't love him, I never had, I never would, I married him because he was the TBM my dad liked, and I was 20, and he was a returned missionary, and that is just what you do at that age, we even broke up once right before we got engaged... I even knew the day of the marriage, it was wrong. The night before I almost called it off... he said the day in the temple, he knew too.. we were both... well, just doing our "duty."

He married me (he told me this) because he lusted after me, and never loved me either. .... but he didn't want to divorce because of the church stigma attached. Really? SO, I did it. Now he's married to the TBM he wanted with 2 kids, and I am much happier with the man I love who is an atheist like I am.

SOrry, self indulgent there....

my long point just was that we all do it. We see what we want, we make decisions with our emotions, and sometimes those decisions are good, sometimes, they haunt us. But there comes a point where that emotional fog dissipates and we see through the clouds... then, we have to figure out if what we have is worth saving or if a reality check is in order.

(Ps- for us it was easier- no kids. I know now I never wanted any... he did. He deserved to have what he wanted, and so did I- so I let him go.)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2013 09:44PM by intjsegry.

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Posted by: raisingspecialneeds ( )
Date: April 27, 2013 09:52PM

I feel for her. She was raised to believe if she left, she would never spend eternity in heaven with her family. The brainwashing runs deep.

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Posted by: WinksWinks ( )
Date: April 28, 2013 08:25AM

Really... Sympathizing with an adulterer? There is a fuller picture available if you read more than just the opening post.

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Posted by: Sid ( )
Date: April 28, 2013 08:41AM

Yes, you are an idiot for a couple of reasons. One is that you should never believe what someone says they are going to do. It sounds like the Mormon thing is working out for your wife. She has the best of all worlds. She has you. The other guys she is having sex with the love of her family and the people of her ward. Life is good for her!!!! As far as you are concerned, stop whining and adhere to your Christian values and principles.

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