Posted by:
DonQuijote
(
)
Date: May 03, 2013 06:16PM
Last night the wife of one of my best friends called me crying so bad I could barely understand her.
Just a little background so you can understand what's going on here, her husband and I studied and converted to fundamentalism about 6 years ago, and at one point we were both looking for a 2nd wife to marry. I stopped looking about a year ago when I became disillusioned, and then announced to him a few months ago that I was done with Fundamentalism and Mormonism completely. He was upset, felt like I abandoned him, and thought that I was gullible and naive believing the things I read from books and the internet that were "anti-mormon." He gave me 2 days to try and convince him it wasn't true, and I sent him some mighty good evidence that he just ignored or said it was from the devil. I even mailed him a copy of Grant Palmer's book Mormon Origins. Turns out he never read it, but his wife did...
So we talked on the phone for several hours. My wife also spoke with her. She was at her wit's end. A couple years ago she started to doubt Joseph Smith, but her husband and I "set her straight" by giving her books to read. I'm very ashamed of that now, and I feel responsible for what's going on in their marriage. Anyway she confided that her husband is still talking to a girl online, and that's all he's done every day for the past year almost. He forgot their 10 year anniversary, and when he did remember later, he took her out and all he talked about was his girlfriend.
I asked her what she believed and where she stood. She said she didn't like Mormonism, but followed her husband and is trying to stick it out because she's afraid of the consequences in the afterlife, and she mentioned DC 132 that talks about the sin being on the women's head if she doesn't give permission to her husband to marry another. She is completely miserable, and has no one to talk to, except now for us, since her husband recently told her that we no longer believe. She read part of the book that I sent them, but now she can't find it and thinks her husband hid it or got rid of it.
My wife and I told her that she should not make decisions based on fear. We told her that we'd support her in whatever she decides to do, and that she can always call us whenever she needs to talk. I apologized to her for the damage I caused for helping her husband get into this warped state of mind. I feel very responsible and horrible because of what she's stuck in. Her husband ignores her and gives her the cold shoulder because he is upset she isn't excited about plural mariage like his is, and he read her some quotes from Brigham Young that talk about what happens to a wife who doesn't share or follow her husband.
By the end of the call she was cheered up and encouraged, but asked us to please not tell her husband that she called. He was sleeping when she called, it was about midnight.
Today I got a call from her husband. I didn't answer. Don't think I'm ready to have that conversation right now. I'm sure he found out and is furious. Maybe I'll wait a few days to talk to him after he's calmed down. If I do I will try my best to talk some sense into him, but it's going to be pretty futile. He lives and breathes this stuff, and he doesn't seem to listen to reason.
So anyway, don't know what advice anyone might have, it's a very strange and unique situation, but I want so badly to help his wife get out of that situation if it can't be fixed. Is it my place? Do I let her come to the conclusion of what to do? When am I overstepping my bounds? I'm so conflicted, but for now I think I'll ignore any calls for a few days, unless his wife calls again to let us know what's going on.