Posted by:
FormerLatterClimber
(
)
Date: May 12, 2013 06:30PM
I'm celebrating five years of NO CONTACT with my tbm NPD parents. Reflecting on Mother's Day, it appears I'm not alone in my pain. So, today, I dedicate this poem to you.
For Children Who Were Broken
By Elisa Wise
For children who were broken, it is very hard to mend.
Our pain was rarely spoken and we hid the truth from friends.
Our parents said they loved us,
But they didn't act that way.
They broke our hearts and stole our worth
With the things that they would say.
We wanted them to love us
We didn't know what we did
To make them yell at us and hit us
And wish we weren't their kid.
They'd beat us up and scream at us
And blame us for their lives
Then they'd hold us in their arms
And tell us confusing lies
About how they really loved us
Even though we were bad
And how it was our fault they hit us
Our fault that they were mad.
When days were just beginning
We sometimes prayed for them to end
And when the pain kept coming
We learned to just pretend
That we were good and so were they
And this was just one of those days--
Tomorrow we'd be friends.
We had to believe it so
We had nowhere else to go
Each day that we pretended
We replaced reality
With lies or dreams or angry schemes
In search of dignity
Until our lies got bigger than the truth
And we had no one real to be
Our bodies were forsaken
With no safe place to hide
We learned to stop hearing and feeling
What they did to our outsides.
We tried to make them love us
'Til we hated ourselves instead
And couldn't see a way out
and wished that they were dead.
We scared ourselves by thinking that
And scared ourselves to know
That we were acting just like them
And might ever more be so.
To be half the size of a grown up
And trapped inside their pain
to everyday lose everything
With no Savior or refrain
To wonder how it is possible
That God could so forget
The worthy child you knew you were
When you had not been damaged yet
To figure on your fingers
The years 'til you'd be grown
Enough to leave the torment
And survive away from home
Were more than you could count
Or more than you could bear
Was the reality we lived in
And we knew it wasn't fair
We who grew up broken
Are somewhat out of time
Struggling to mend our childhood
when our peers are in their prime
Where others find love and contentment
We still often have to strive
to remember we are worthy
And heroes just to be alive
Some of us are healing
Some of us are stealing
Most are passing the anger on
Some give their lives away to drugs
Or the promise of like beyond
Some still hide from society
Some struggle to belong
but all of us are wishing
The past wouldn't hold on so long
There's a lot of digging down to do
To find the child within
To love away the ugly pain
And feel innocence again
There is forgiveness worthy of angels wings
For remembering those at all
Who abused our sacred childhood
And programmed us to fail
To seek to understand them
And how their pain became our own
Is to risk the ground we stand on
To climb the mountain home
The journey is not so lonely
As in the past it's been
More of us are strong enough
To let the growth begin
But while we're trekking up the mountain
We need everything we've got
To face the adult we have become
And all that we are not
So when you see us weary
From the day's internal climb
When we find fault with your best efforts
Or treat imperfections as purposeful crime
When you see our quick defenses
Our efforts to control
Our readiness to form a plan
Of unrealistic goals
When we run into a conflict
And fight to the bitter end
Remember we think that winning
Means we won't be hurt again
When we abandon our thoughts and feelings
To be what we believe you want us to
Or look at trouble we're having
And blame it all on you
When life calls for new beginnings
And we fear they're doomed to end
Remember, wounded trust is like a wounded knee
It is very hard to bend.
Please remember this
When we are out of sorts
Tell us the truth and be our friend
For children who were broken
It is very hard to mend.