I got this email today and I was delighted to read a list of inane things I no longer have to do. They sure do like to keep people busy.

Sisters,

Here is a list of ward events coming up in the next few weeks.

Today at 7pm there is a chapel session with the stake at the temple. Feel free to do an endowment session before or after.

This Friday there is a father and sons campout at Stub Stewart state park. Call [name] for details.

Saturday at 12:00 there are two convert baptisms. At 2 pm are child of record baptisms.

At 4pm on Saturday there is a Priesthood stake conference session. At 6:30pm there is a session for all adults.

Stake conference will be held at the Stake center this Sunday at 10 am.

May 20 - berry money due to [name].

May 23 - RS temple endowment session at 10am, meet at Fred Meyer parking lot at 9am to carpool.

June 15 - stake RS conference 9am to 1pm. Classes, keynote speaker, lunch, service project.

Yawn...

Yeah, and when I first left, I thought I could still attend activities.

What a colossal waste of time and life.

Notice all the family time they steal from families.

Family first.

I didn't see a single activity on that list that would put families together with each other in a meaningful way. Sitting in stake conference is not family time.

That very issue was making me very angry for a long time. Family First! We just need you to spend 10 hours a week in meetings first so you can catch up on gossip

Yep - and notice for most of those there isn't even any interaction with friends or others - they are just sit and be indoctrinated sessions.

Ye shall know the truth and it shall make you free. Oh sweet freedom.

And WHY stay for social reasons?

Exactly. I soon realized that their version of "social" wasn't mine any longer.

<<Saturday at 12:00 there are two convert baptisms. >>

Oh man, this made me cringe. They put this in the bulletin and never realize how absolutely anxious it makes the missionaries. We always announced our baptisms the day of, and only after the investigators had showed up, and dunked them right after church. This ensured we didn't look like fools when investigators didn't show up for the life-changing event because of a soccer game on TV...

14th Article of Faith
We believe in meetings, all that have been scheduled, all that are now scheduled, and we believe that there will yet be many great and important meetings scheduled. We have endured many meetings and hope to be able to endure all meetings. Indeed, we may say that if there is a meeting or anything that resembles a meeting or anything that we may possibly turn into a meeting, we seek after these things.

Now THAT is so funny!!

hilarious! The truth is always sooo funny!

Gah---puke!

saturday baptisms?
Someone has to open up, prep the font, (extra resources for heating the water) and close up afterwards.

the only time I ever saw saturday baptisms was for BIC sons/grandsons and daughters/granddaughters of stake leaders

It's really too bad they've roped in a couple of converts.

A nice book about the truth of mormonism would make a good baptism gift. Bookmarkers with Mormonthink.com and Richard Packhams site would be a nice touch.

Sithlord was the ward mission leader for three years. I can't even count how many Saturdays he spent filling the font. They are too lame ass cheap to buy a bigge water heater, so he had to go, fill the font until the hot water ran out, wait for it to recover, and then run it again. If someone was getting baptized, it took most of his Saturday.

They like to do it that way to make confirmations easier. CHI dictates that converts need to wait til the next Sunday to be confirmed, they don't want to wait a week. So they do the dunking Saturdays.

newatthis Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> CHI dictates that converts need to wait
> til the next Sunday to be confirmed,

that's new to me..... how long has that been the case?
{last baptism I attended was - hmmm - 1990's sometime}

Seems logical to "Splish Splash" on a Saturday

That's what it will be like in the celestial kingdom for time and all eternity.

All I want to know is what is "berry money?" Another Mormon mystery?

They always do bulk berry orders. I'm actually a bit tempted but I think I'd rather go berry picking with my kids. These ones are really only good for jam because they come in buckets. I want to freeze them for smoothies, and baking. We live in berry country.

My father used to run the church Berry farm.

That was about the only perk I ever received from being associated with mormons.

I could put a bucket at the end of the conveyor belt and fill it with raspberries or blueberries. Since I was the farmers daughter, I got them for free, and didn't have to go berry picking.

They were all picked by machine the night before.

The other perk was the gas pump that was in the driveway. My father would let me fill up my car when I drove out there. That was when gas was 1.35 a gallon. Not a big perk, but a perk none the less.

I also purchased food grade food storage buckets like the ones they put the berries in. I still have some of those. Square buckets. 80¢ apiece for those things. You have to have a lid lifter to ge the tops off. These days I keep excess flour, sugar, and rice in them. I have no use for 5 gallons of frozen berries.

Wondering what the RS service project is after lunch?

My first guess would be chapel cleaning LOL

Gotta love the Over-Organized Cult of JHC of Latter Day Time Wasters

I was so insanely happy about spending my time (outside of my job) as I pleased, that I would read the ward newsletter, and have special celebrations, when I was missing "activities.". I was freshly inactive, and had not yet figured out that I had other friends to socialize with. All I knew is that I did NOT want to do depressing, pointless things with people Who made me feel bad. The first activity I missed was the ward Christmas party. My kids were gone, and I rented my favorite Christmas movies, and watched them in my pajamas, by the fire and the tree. I made salmon, and my dog had the skins. I was grateful to be away from Mormons.

While Mormon families are juggling meetings, and different meeting times for different wards for their married children, and singles ward meeting times for their single children, and not seeing their children during primary and Sunday school, and fighting with their kids to get dressed and get there on time--my family and I are having lunch together, and playing with the grandchildren, TOGETHER. Life is better now, in every way.

They are going to change the water after the convert baptisms, right? It's gonna be yucky, dark and lothsome.

Ha!! Good point. I was thinking it would be awfully cold after two hours, but there's not time to drain and refill because there's not enough hot water.

Maybe I've been out so long it has been erased from my memory, but I have no idea what a "chapel session" at the temple is. Is it like a super secret sacrament meeting that is so super special that it can only be held in the temple?

Usually the temple president speaks, and the stake president (if a stake session) or the bishop. It's like a mini sacrament meeting, about 30 minutes or so. Hymns, prayers, and all. Yawn!!