The following bit of prose is based on myself and my experiences, some of my friends, people on this discussion board, and stories from TBMs who didn't realize anything was wrong with what they said.

I AM NOT IN A CULT
As a child, my parents were pushed to indoctrinate me before I could talk. Prayers and scripture readings were a daily ritual and every Monday night, they forced a dry, boring lesson on me. I do the same to my children. And I am not in a cult.

In my teenage years, the church dictated the structure of my free time. I spent three hours in church and did nothing active on Sunday, I got up before the sun rose every weekday so I could spend an hour learning about my religion before going to school, I spent an hour and a half doing church activities every Wednesday, and my weekends were often filled with church activities designed to eat up my free time and prevent me from making choices the church wouldn’t approve of: I was still expected to join in family scripture studies, family prayers, Monday night church lessons, personal prayers, occasional meetings on Sunday nights, and personal scripture study. And I am not in a cult.

Also as a teen, every six months, the bishop of my ward would want to meet with me privately and ask about my sex life. Implicitly or explicitly, he would ask if I masturbated. And I am not in a cult.

After high school, I was expected (regardless of my own desires or needs) to spend two years of my time and $10,000 of my own money to try to convince others that their religions were wrong and they had to follow mine. My desires in this were not taken into consideration – it was a religious and cultural expectation that refusing would have left me ostracized and made it difficult to find a decent wife. And I am not in a cult.

In preparation for my mission, I went through the secret endowment session at the temple. Non-Mormons and Mormons who don’t follow all of the rules aren’t allowed to attend. While there, they rubbed olive oil onto my nipples and my pubic hair and I was given special underwear that I am obligated to wear at all times. I was taught a number of masonic handshakes and ordered to repeat words that were completely nonsensical given the situation. I was sworn to secrecy about the whole thing. No one was able to offer a logical explanation for the bizarre ritual, telling me that they, in fact, didn’t understand it either, but they keep going in hopes that it will one day make sense. And I am not in a cult.

Before I could serve a mission, I had to go through the missionary training center for eight weeks. There, every minute of my day was planned out for me. Day in and day out, I was exposed to nothing but religion, religious ideas, and criticisms for not learning fast enough. My individuality was denounced and they endeavored to make me feel guilty for everything I had ever done wrong, telling me that only through helping others join my religion, could I find forgiveness for my weaknesses. As an insomniac, I was deprived of sleep on the schedule they forced me to follow. By the time I left, my rebellious nature had nearly completely been beaten out of me through sleep deprivation and incessant repeating of church beliefs. And I am not in a cult.

Going in to the endowment, I had no idea what to expect - the vows of secrecy made everyone very tight lipped about it. While there, I was obligated to make vows to the church that I hadn't been previously informed of and was given no time to consider. These vows included being willing to give everything I own to the church. Because my family was there watching, I immediately gave into the pressure and made all of the vows. And I am not in a cult.

I was told that good, honest people who loved God would hear my message and accept it. I was told that those who rejected it were being deceived by Satan or didn’t want to give up their sinful lifestyles. Despite this, I taught many moral, sincere, loving people who didn’t join my church. Some of these people were far better people than I was, but I nonetheless determined that they wanted to continue living in “sin,” following Satan’s deceptions. And I am not in a cult.

After my mission, the church demanded that I get married as soon as I could. I got engaged to my wife only five weeks after I met her. Despite the fact that we barely knew each other, we were convinced that God wanted us to get married. The church condoned it despite offering us no real preparation for marriage. And I am not in a cult.

When I got married, my grandparents who were never members of the church and my younger brothers who hadn’t been to the endowment were banned from the ceremony. I accepted this and never regretted leaving some of the most important people in my life out of the most important event of my life. And I am not in a cult.

During my wedding, I knelt at an alter and joined in a masonic handshake while making promises to God, but making no promise to my wife. And I am not in a cult.

Before my wife was even born, our religion dictated to her that she was to grow up and be a mother who stays at home with the children, not allowed to pursue a career, be childless, or remain unmarried. And I am not in a cult.

We felt enormous pressure to have a child even though neither of us was really fit to be a good parent. So we started having babies one after the other because that was what we were supposed to do, not because we wanted it, and not because it would be best for us or our kids. One after the other, our kids added stress to our relationship and we never had enough time for them or ourselves, but we kept having them because that’s what the church wants. And I am not in a cult.

My wife began to have doubts about our religion and I freaked out when she told me. Even though I claimed to know my religion was true beyond the shadow of a doubt, I refused to listen to her reasons for not believing. And I am not in a cult.

I was called to be a bishop – an important leadership position in the church. Now I’m the one asking teenagers if they masturbate and taking their confessions regarding their sex lives. I spend so much of my time doing unpaid work for the church that, between my job and my calling, I barely see my family. And I am not in a cult.

Finally, I decided that I needed to hear my wife’s complaints about the church. She told me that she had found obscure church publications that indicated that the church’s founder married other men’s wives and teenage girls. She pointed out numerous ways that the church had lied to us about its history and its leaders. In a creepy, nearly sociopathic way, I said it didn’t matter because I knew the church was true no matter what and it made me happy even if it wasn’t true. And I am not in a cult.

I forced my wife to go to church and raise our children as Mormon. Allowing her to teach them what she believes was out of the question. Using the power I had as bishop, I obligated her to keep her doubts quiet at church and even ordered her to accept unpaid jobs within the church that would force her to say things that she didn’t really believe. And I am not in a cult.

After I was released from being a bishop, I decided that, since my loving, caring wife of 25 years with whom I had had six children and to whom I had pledged eternal love, couldn’t be with me in eternity, I needed to find a spouse who could be. I divorced my wife despite the fact she did nothing worse than change her beliefs. And I am not in a cult.

I believe that my church is led by a prophet who speaks to God. If he ordered me to drink poisoned cool-aid, I would do it. And I am not in a cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2013 10:15PM by joesmithsleftteste.

Feel free to add any thoughts about things I left out.

Just by your list it is quite obvious how the cult controls ones' life. We can all relate.
I hope you're recovery is going well. The church does mess with your mind and it takes time to rid the crap out of ones psyche.

ST

That was very powerful.

I was taught by the church to hate myself, but it didn't work because deep down I could not stop liking myself just the way I was, and , I am not in a cult no more.

It is a CULT. It is an insidious despicable cult and your beautiful prose illustrates it in daggers.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2013 08:51PM by blueorchid.

Agreed that your devastating point by point summary pretty much covers it: cult to the 10th power followed by about 20 or 30 zeroes.

I am so sorry to hear all that it's taken from you.

Wow. That's heart wrenching and terrifying, seeing it all laid out like that. :(

I was taught to follow and obey the church leadership without question, even if I thought they might be wrong on some point. But I wasn't in a cult.

I tried to work that in, but it ended up being best left to the tiny statement in the last section about the prophet.

Send a copy of this to Elder Holland.

He doesn't look like a dodo, he went to Yale too. Yalies don't lead cults.

WOW. This is powerful.

Send a copy to Salt Lake Tribune to publish in the opinions section. Send a copy to other media news sites. Sent to tscc prophet and quorum. Send to each family member who is TBM.

Wow, I am blown away by this. Thank you for writing it, and sharing it with all of us. It hits so many points that so many others can relate to.

I can totally relate to this with my personal expereinces. Thank You and well said.

Nice.

I think you are missing a HUGE point thought that more than anything else clearly defines Mormonism as a cult:

In the temple, under duress, without previous disclosure I was coerced to promise that I would sacrifice everything for the church, not God, even my own life. Additionally I promised to obey the church, and consecrate all of my possessions to the church. I also promised never to speak badly of the leaders of the church.

I was told what I'd be promising before going in, so I tend to forget that. I'll add it in.

Didn't mean to post here



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2013 10:10PM by joesmithsleftteste.

Wow. I feel like I can relate.

So, how much of that happened to you. If so, I'm sorry about the divorce.

My wife and I left the church together. I doubted first, but it worked better for the narrative to have the wife be the doubter because otherwise, I couldn't work in the ideas about the bishop (which are based on a councilor in the stake presidency who was my home teaching companion before I left on my mission. He had been a bishop before that - ironically and awkwardly, the first bishop who ever asked if I masturbated - told me about how the church had made it so he almost never saw his family for years. He told it to be an inspiring story of sacrifice. I didn't take it that way. Most things after the marriage starts are based on others' experiences, although my wife and I did get engaged 5 weeks after we met and we did start having kids before we were ready, we stopped at one. We have a great relationship, but we attribute that to luck and constantly working on our relationship. The aspect of "In a creepy, nearly sociopathic way, I said it didn’t matter because I knew the church was true no matter what and it made me happy even if it wasn’t true," my sister did that to me on Sunday and it really creeped me out. It was so cultish.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2013 10:29PM by joesmithsleftteste.

I prefer accuracy to sensationalism. Olive oil was Not rubbed into our nipples nor our pubic hair.

I agree completely that accuracy is preferable to sensationalism. It pisses me off when people exaggerate to harm the church because it convinces members that ex-Mormons lie to harm it and that keeps them from taking a realistic look at criticisms of the church. It may have been true that nipples and pubic hair were left alone for you, but not for me - not only was the oil rubbed across my pubic hair, it was done right above the base of my genitals. Having discussed it with my wife, I have come to conclude that the women's washings and anointings were less invasive. We should also remember that having olive oil rubbed on one's nipples is less intrusive to a man. However, the other part was VERY intrusive and that is why it is included.



Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 05/21/2013 11:27PM by joesmithsleftteste.

I went through the temple in 1980. I can't say they "rubbed it in" but they definitely touched my nipples and I think my genitals not pubic hair, but does it really matter? I've tried to block it out. It was "down there" and it was very, very unexepected. The whole temple ceremony actually.

Out of the mouths of two or three witness.... I stand corrected!

For me it was the nipples and the brush across the pubic hair.

Unexpected? "Very, very unexpected." LMAO. I love understatement.

I went through in 1983, and yes, they touch men's nipples and just above the pubes. But, ya know, how else are they gonna bless our loins that they may be fruitful and multiply?

My pubes were never touched that I can remember, and I went through a lot of washings and anointings. I think you got a bit of a closeted gay perv in your situation. Nobody ever touched a nipple, either. Did that happen a lot?

Mine was the ball sac, which I suppose technically does have some pubic hair on it.

I wasn't raised in a cult.
I was raised by two parents that drank and smoked and told me not to do either or I'd be beat and punished severely.
They made me go to whatever church they were attending once a week.
When the hormones kicked in, I was advised to stay way from the loose girls and whores because I wouldn't want to suffer an STD. That virgins were the better girl to have sex with.
When I began to drink they were mad and upset but didn't say a lot. My mom would tease me about my drinking.
When I began to smoke they hid their cigarettes.
When they found out I got high they were really mad and upset and then didn't say much.
By the time I hit my late teens they stopped forcing me to go to church.
I had a car, a job, was an alcoholic and got high as often as possible. I had many notches on my belt and suffered a few STDs because I ignored parental advice and stuck with the loose girls and the ones that were whores and easy to lay for sex at parties.
And I wasn't in a cult. And you think you had it terrible because you were in a cult? I think you had a better structured life than I ever had a chance at.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2013 02:45PM by chucky.

So Chucky it really sounds like your life was a stereotypical view of everything mormons believe about non-mormons, I wonder why that is?

Never would have guessed. ;-)

Overly structured can be just as bad as no structure. Why are you comparing here, that is a senseless thing to do.

It's not an either-or, chucky.

I'm so sorry for what you had to live through. Every child deserves loving, caring parents.

I hate to bring up Dr. Phil again but he had a family on yesterday I think...where the Dad was concerned that his daughter was in a cult. It wasn't anything to do with Mormons at all, but they sure acted like mormons! So yes, I grew up in a Cult and all of my family are still members and I can't make them leave.