I am almost 26 years old and sad that I haven't gone anywhere with my life. I still live with my parents and have no car because I don't have the money to move out and I haven't graduated from college yet. I got started with college late because I went on a mission that I didn't even want to go on in the first place. Everyone else I know my age is farther ahead than me in my life; they have graduated college, have a nice job, their own place and car, etc. It's difficult to socialize at the same level as my peers because my parents still treat me like I'm a child. They don't respect me. They still expect me to 'follow' their rules and ask their permission to do stuff and always want to know where I'm at and what I'm doing. I have even tried talking to them about it and they won't listen. I can't move out because I have no one else to live with and no money. (yes I have a job but all that money goes to college) It's difficult to even have motivation in life. I don't know what to do.

Do not be hard on your self, you are doing what you have to do to get through school. You are actually being smart, by living with Mom and Dad while going to school.Just breath and pat yourself on your back you are doing okay:)

Totally agreed. Just do what you have to do to get that degree!

;o)

Don't worry, everyone these days has to change careers and live like a student again several times over. You are only 26. Many of us are much older taking classes again and getting another degree. Life is a learning process and you must have lots of patience:) There is no yard stick that should be measured for you against another person. A human life is very long and there is plenty of time to smell the roses and work. There literally is no rush! Don't believe that having a house and car is "making" it anymore. For many it is the "time" that is more precious. I have had over 20 cars and it has not made me any better of a person.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2013 10:28PM by orange.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Make a plan for the next three years and stick with it. Save money by living with your parents if you want but just work backwards from where you want to be three years from now and input all of the markers so that you have regular goals to reach. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish and how quickly you can make up ground. And don't forget that what you see with others can be very deceiving. Some are in a whole lot of debt to give the appearance of having money and things. You are very young and you should make no judgments about what you can or cannot accomplish and who you will or will not be because it is all yet ahead of you. Head up.

Welcome to the board.

At your age, I had completed college, but wasn't able to land a job commesurate with my education. So to some extent, I do understand where you are coming from. I can tell you that comparing yourself with your peers is seldom productive. You will get where you want to go; if your path is a bit more winding at present, it will still lead you to the same destination in the end.

How far along in school are you? Are you a full time or part time student? Do you work full time or part time?

Although your parents are driving you crazy, if you can graduate debt-free or with minimal debt, in many respects you will be ahead of your peers. Some or many of them have financial yokes around their necks that won't go away for a very long time.

Summer's right on her last point -- there are lots of students that bought their education on credit and will be paying for it for the foreseeable future. If you can graduate without debt, you're leaps and bounds.

In the meantime, you mention your parents expect you to follow their rules. While you're living under their roof, that's their prerogative. If you want to get out on your own, you just need to find a way to make the math work. That usually means either spending less, or earning more.

You don't need a nice car. You can find a beater Honda or Toyota for about $1200-$1500 if you know where to look (I'm assuming you're in the states).

On the earning side, are you working? If so, is it full-time or part-time? If you have skills, you can try doing freelance work on one of the various freelance sites. Or sell plasma.

As others have said, make a plan. Present it here if you're comfortable with it. Understand that only you can change your condition.

One more point -- if you are attending school, there are other students in your vicinity who are sharing apartments or houses. You can find them through college bulletin boards (check your student union,) ads in the newspaper under "Roommates Wanted," or Craigslist. If you share rent and utilities, living away from home becomes a lot more affordable.

If you are interested, I can give you some pointers and tell you how to interview a prospective roommate. I had a lot of 'em in the past. :-)

If money is tight, toughing it through at home might be your best option, though.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2013 10:47PM by summer.

don't worry, the Mormon church tries too get everyone on the same timelime, it doesn't work. That's why we call them morgbots, working for the morg, getting married, have 3, 4 kids before graduation, this way the morg gets maximum amount of tithing in little time.

Mabey quit school temporary and get in to a shared rent with someone. If not, please don't let it bother you. As long a you are making progress in something, school..ect that is all that matters. Comparing yourself with your counterparts will make you depressed. I've done this to myself time after time. I think everyone has done this to themselves at least once.

Do you live in Utah? I would be surprised if you got down on yourself for being 26 and not done with school because when I went to the UofU, there were a LOT of mid-twenty somethings still on their undergrad due to everyone having gone on missions, including myself. I didn't start college until a year after my mission so I was a 22 year old freshman. It seemed like there was a large range of ages and many graduate students too (who's ages could REALLY vary).

I kinda felt like you too because I felt like I was "behind." I RUSHED through college because I felt insecure about being older than some students, but now when I look back at it, I think of 26 as being REALLY young. I actually wish I had slowed down and actually enjoyed college, socialized more, and had more time to get better grades as well as figured out better what I REALLY wanted to major in. Oh well.

And to be honest, no one really cares or even notices how old you are. Some people take breaks. Some people work and save up money. Some go on some kind of adventure. And some decide the degree they original earned isn't what they wanted and go back to school later for something else. I went back to a community college at age 34 after having earned my bachelors because I felt I needed additional schooling. No biggie.

As for not having enough money move out, have you considered living in a large house with several roommates and/or working full time during the summer? And can't you obtain enough financial aid to cover tuition? Not that I encourage debt but if are responsible with it and don't rack up too much you should be fine paying it off after you graduate.

Going to college is something to be proud of. Concentrate on getting through it. You are 26 and that isn't very old at all. By the time you are established and or get married and raise a family, you will be mature enough to handle it. Don't rush through life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/22/2013 10:42PM by snuckafoodberry.

Hang in there! This is a temporary, transition period. You'll get past this.

Spend as much time away as possible studying and working if that helps give you a little breather!

Congrats on going to college and sticking with it and working also! That's no easy feat!!

Chin up, as they say! You will move on.....

You always give the sweetest advice! :)

You might be surprised how many of your married peers may envy you. Many young Mormon men (and women) marry way too early and wish they still had their freedom.

You still have a world full of options that others have eliminated too early. True, you have some home restraints to deal with, but they aren't permanent.

Be patient and be smart - you may surprise yourself in the long run.

I've been there.

At 26 I was a pathetic drunk. Didn't get sober until 30, and finally got a Postal (dis-)Service job at 33. I still had time to find a wonderful wife, develop the USPS career and later (46) moved to another permament one which was more rewarding, both personally and financially.

During these years I moved into a healthy religion (I'm a born-again Baptist), bought a house, and started my retirement savings.

You're doing fine, "26." Avoid harmful practices, assess your strengths and your prospects, and take steady realistic steps forward. A last thought: you may make mistakes or suffer other setbacks. That's part of life, and it sure hurts. Re-gain your footing and start moving again.

At least you're free of TSCC!

I'm 25 and I just finished my first semester of college. like you I also live with my parents. not only that, but I don't have a job and I just live off of the GI bill.

You're too hard on yourself.
Used to be back in the day a job paid for housing and a bit of food with roommates and enough left over to save, go to school, then work, save, go to school.

My son, who is now 24, went to one year of school, well, four classes just after HS. Then he started working about 25 to 30 hours a week. I was working about 32 to 35 hours. We paid the rent and expenses for the whole family.
Just this year he was able to start back in school with some grants. He has no car, but uses the bus system.
He does yard work for various people around town who know him and since he is a saver and living room and board free right now he is able to pile up a bit of cash.
He'll probably move out before Christmas and I'll cry for weeks because I'll miss him...but he is so motivated and able to do very well in school.

His focus is so strong now that he is in his mid 20s. Many many people your age are in the same boat. Even in Europe my other son had friends who are still living with Mum and Dad as they work for a few years to be able to get out on their own.

It used to be (100 years ago) that kids if not married, and sometimes even if they were to still be living at home into their 30s. They helped the family and saved until they could establish themselves.

What really sucks for you at the moment is the childish control of your parents. Maybe an old bike is a way of freedom of movement out of the house so you're not around them as a target?
I'd think the library or starbucks was my best place to be away from home doing home work.....Sorry, Mom,Dad, I can't chat now, I've got class and work tomorrow and must go to sleep.....
You'll be alright there are lots of people your age still living with Mom and Dad who want to over moniter them because they're power hungry and it will never occur to them to let go.

When you move out they'll find something else to micro manage.

This is good job training for you; the ability to keep your mouth shut and your head down.

Take your depression seriously. It will sap your energy. Can you find counseling at school? Can you find older friends to talk to? You are not alone with your concerns. Some thing is out of whack in your life, and it may not be what you think. Talking it out with some one helps clarify life.

It is easy to think others have it better, and some do. But many of those you envy are just better at putting up a front.

More and more people your age are doing this.

My daughter just moved out and she's 32. She lived with me for a few years while paying off stupid debts and going to school. She left with a healthy dose of Buddhist philosophy and without a smoking habit.

It was hard on her to move back in (because of all the peer jokes) but it made all the sense for her to move forward.

You need to be comfortable with it yourself. Get some wisecracks ready to use when you are out socially and people are describing what they do, like, "I'm the 40 year old virgin living with his parents while inventing cold fusion on the kitchen table."

Or something that fits your own sense of humor. You get my drift--have something to say that shows you are comfortable with living at home and going to school. You could say you are going through a career change from Mormon salesman to Nuclear Physicist. Not."

As far as your parents go, just don't answer. When they ask where you've been, just say you needed an outing, is there any lasagna left?

Best of luck to you and keep us posted on how it goes.

Anagrammy

Firsttimer, please don't be hard on yourself. I'm in the same situation and try to make the best of it.

I will not repeat what other posters have replied with advice.

Suffice to say, you should be mindful of your finance, tolerating your parents' idiosyncrasies since you live under the shelter they kindly provide but with rules, and remembering that life is what you make of it, not struggling in the rat race.

The rat race means some people have accomplished at your age, but -- this is my guess -- at some greater cost to their mental health and finance in trying to acquire the best things in life - fancy house, vehicles, spouse and children, leading to a very stressful lifestyle with the constricted freedom.

Constricted freedom means struggle to make the ends meet by overworking to pay the bills -- mortgage, vehicle payments, insurance, grocery, entertainment, upkeeping, savings and retirement investment, whatnot -- while not spending enough quality time with the wife and children, to their detriment.

Constricted freedom means less quality time to spend with the wife because of stress that might lead to friction and less satisfactory sex life, potentially leaning towards divorce for the myriad of reasons, in part attributed to trying to provide everything at once at cost to your or someone's happiness.

Constricted freedom means too much to do on the list and less window of time and opportunity to take the needed week-long vacation to wind down and relax and forget what trouble the man and wife back home. Taking the vacation periodically re-charge man and wife and restore energy with the improved or fulfilling sex life (assuming the children will be well-cared for with expected expense).

Constricted freedom means spending oneself into excess debt, including education, from which extrication would be difficult without sacrifice of certain habits for enjoyment (like dining out often). Spending money frugally, for example put 10% of your regular paycheck in the savings for a feasible goal and thrift or discount store shopping for items and clothes, is wise money management in resolving certain woes with the flexible or firm plan.

Constricted freedom means once you marry, you're stuck with it for life with spare room to improve, unless she's open to you trying to finish a degree and work your way up to the shared financial freedom, until separation and divorce for irreconcilable differences and other reasons. Argument over money is one of the common reasons for divorce.

Trust me, I've been there with financial woes, living with the parents and struggle in higher education to find myself. Not to mention always dateless.

Another advice is, you might look into bodybuilding and cardio fitness (running on the treadmill regularly like 3 times a week with controlled diet) to improve the self-esteem. It worked for me (albeit to the limited extent) in improved esteem for healthy outlook and appearance of fitness that is appealing to prospective women in dating and marriage.

The healther your outlook is, the more optimistic you will feel, which will be motivational to improve the quality of life by setting the realistic goals such as moving out after sustaining financial independence, finishing the degree with little or no debt and quitting (leaving) the poor job after landing the desirable job that define your social identity.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2013 01:04AM by provoisboringhell.

I didn't live with my parents, but I didn't go to college until I was 40. You really don't want to do that.

I was married, and had 2 kids. It was extremely difficult to go to school, keep up the house and home, raise 2 kids and be married while going to school.

Being 26, living at home, and going to school is like a vacation compared to how I went about it.

Look at it this way. It's temporary. It gives you the opportunity to focus on school and school only. Take as many classes as you can manage, and put all of your effort into finishing. The finish line is your goal. I know it's difficult, because you also would like a social life. You can have one, but school should be your number one focus. The sooner you finish, the sooner you're out of school and on your own. When I was 26 I worked at KMart and had 3 roommates. It wasn't all that fun.

My daughter is 30 and just now getting married. I'm glad she didn't get married earlier, and so is she. She has a career, and has been on her own for awhile. She just now feels like she's ready to get married.

You know, we are told constantly as adults that when it comes to kids we have to let them develop on their time. However, past about age 10, we forget this and start judging everyone against everyone else. Trust me, I know how you feel. I know plenty of people that are much younger than me that are much more successful than I am. I'm 27, I have 2 part-time jobs, I am swimming and bills and due to GPA issues, i'm unsure if I can graduate. I didn't know what I wanted to do for years and my parents weren't helpful in advice with college. Really I think they liked me doing it for the money and that was about it really. When I finally decided, I was already 4 years in. I kept going but man do I wish I didn't just take classes and I had more direction. But that's not how things worked out. So I'm just doing things how they come and not worrying about how people judge me for not being as far as others.

Just as some people learn to walk at 8 months and some at 13 months. Our lives are filled with all sorts of road blocks and such. It's sucks that we aren't in a certain place at a certain age but it's not impossible to get out of.

I'm around your age and still live with my parents, so I understand where you're coming from. You'd be surprised at how many 20-somethings are living with their folks, especially with the current economy. Your peers may seem like they have it together, but 2 out or 3 college graduates are in debt. Most of my friends really struggle with money for this reason, and it's been a significant setback for a lot of their long-term goals. If I were living on my own or even with a roommate, I would have a much harder time getting to where I want to be 3 years from now.

Given your financial situation, living with your parents is the smart, practical thing to do. This will actually give you a lot more freedom to pursue your goals once you finish college.

I know that doesn't make living with your parents any easier, but try to remember that a) 26 is actually still really young, b) your living situation is temporary, and c) this will all really pay off when you finish school and you're not up to your ears in debt!

I'm usually not a proponent of going into debt. But you sound very unhappy about your situation, and your parents sound overbearing. If you don't live in a city with great public transit, then not having a car can put a real damper on your freedom and your social life.

I'd make it a priority to get a cheap, but functional car. And then depending on how long you have left in school, and how expensive it is, consider moving in with some other students so you can experience college life. You only live once, and I think the social aspect of college is important.

Of course, I don't know how expensive your school OR your town is, or what your earning potential is after school, so you have to figure out if my suggestions make any sense at all for your situation. But if borrowing a reasonable amount of money could make college an enjoyable experience, and you could repay it fairly easily in a few years, it might be worth it.

BTW, right now car loans are cheaper than student loans.

These comparisons are artificial road blocks. Hang in there. Finish college. Be patient. You're a good person and you're going to do well.

My husband was 26, hadn't graduated from college yet, and was still living with his parents when I met him. He eventually fulfilled all of his goals and more.

Could you be more passive/aggressive with your parents? They're being unreasonable with you. It's unfair and unrealistic to expect a 26 year old to check in like a kid. My husband refused to do that. His mother had to had to accept that fact or be aware that she'd lose her son. She'd rather have limited control than none at all. I think she had one nasty all-out tantrum when she fell to the floor screaming and sobbing and my husband blew her off. He told her she'd have to get a grip or not, laughed at her and stormed out of the room. When she was unreasonable, he was less communitative and stayed away longer and later.

You did the mission thing and they need to be grateful for that because it was a huge imposition. Instead, they think it's an indication that they have a ring in your nose. How shameful.

The economy has been terrible for years. The college situation has been much worse as well. It's expensive and very difficult at times to get into required and needed classes. You can't change all of that. It just means you have to stick with it and not give up.

Our son lived at home for a long time. The woman he eventually married lived with her parents until she was 29 and married. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion. They're doing beautifully and so will you.

Please don't be sad, you and I are the same age and basically in the same position. I really recommend Melanie Fennell's book 'Overcoming Low Self-Esteem' and if you can a few sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I've found it really helpful as you see where you get and express negative thoughts and then how to deal with them

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-Behavioral-Techniques/dp/0465012663/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369301974&sr=8-1&keywords=overcoming+low+self+esteem

kids who have hurried to get through college and now don't like what they majored in.

My long-time therapist said to 'enjoy the journey.' He was around 30 when he finished his degree. He is an ex-mormon.

My boyfriend's daughter had her college education paid for at an expensive university. She finished 2 years ago. Has worked on a zip line for 2 years. She just moved "home." Is living in her mother's vacation condo for free. She doesn't know what she wants to do. She will be living off her trust fund for the next 6 months while she decides what to do. She is 25.

Pat yourself on the back for doing what it takes to get where you need to be.

My daughter just graduated at age 27. She used to talk like you are--and that is when my therapist told me to tell her to enjoy the journey.

My son just moved back home a few months ago at age 27. He has been married and divorced (9 month marriage to his high school girlfriend), in a long-term relationship that was HORRIBLE for 2-1/2 years. He finally dumped her in February. She liked living off the system or on the streets. He is unemployed right now. He was demoralized by his sister graduating--but it doesn't matter when you finish.

Also--do you get grants? At age 25, you no longer have to claim your parents' income to qualify for a grant.

Again--pat yourself on the back for doing it the right way--the smart way.

My kids don't "have" cars either--they are our old castoffs. They aren't pretty.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2013 08:17AM by cl2.

How much longer do you have in college? Please hang in there--it'll be worth it!

Is there a student health clinic at your college? You sound very depressed--please go see a counselor. You are too young to feel like this. I wish you the best.

Dude stop comparing yourself to others. You are YOU and you are not like anyone else. You need to do what you need to do at your speed and in your way and forget about everyone else.

Since you live at home you will have to stay politically correct with your parents and play by their rules to keep that free rent going. It isn't fun but you need to get through school. Take out a student loan and buy yourself a car then at least you will have wheels to escape once in a while. When I was 26 I was working full time, going to school full time and had 2 kids and the only way I survived was with student loans. Of course, here I am 56 and I still owe three grand on my student loans, but hey they saved me while I was going to school.

Ya know lots of people have accomplished great things getting started way later in life than you are now. I know about getting the late start because of a mission, but you can't change that now so just make the best of what you have and move forward. It seems to me you have two choices right now. Either stay home and finish school or get a full time job and move the hell out and see what happens.

You are young, single and only have you to worry about. Take advantage of that and do something risky. When you are married and have kids you can't take risks like you can while you are single. Hell, all you need is a one room apartment for a place to sleep and go to the john. Start a business or get a job in sales with the potential to make big bucks. You might fail but you might just make it big the bottom line is that you will never know unless you try. Good luck buddy I really wish you the best.

One of the things that I realized about Mormon culture is that there is a notion that everything in your life has to be set up by 25 or so. Good job, good husband/wife, and good kids all marching onward to the Celestial Kingdom. From there you just endure to the end--not much left to learn or discover.

For many reasons, life often doesn't work out the way the Mormon Church/Culture lays out. Life isn't over if things are not working out on their timetable! Their timetable was created circa 1955 anyway.

In reality, we all have diverse life journeys. It sounds like you are on a good path, and have the ability to get through challenges. You are on your own life journey--not the life journey others, or maybe even you, have planned. Plans don't always work out exactly as we hoped. That's part of human life.

Hopefully, you'll be able to move in some other peer circles, because outside Mormonland your situation would be considered fairly normal. I don't want to make that seem easy--it often is difficult to associate with regular folks after growing up in the Mormon bubble.

Best of luck.