What is the average length of time before coming to a decision that TSCC isn't true? My husband and I have been reading/researching since Oct. thanks, jennie
It took me about 3 months to realize God wasn't behind it. At 5 months I knew I wanted out. At 6 months I knew my kids needed to be out. At eight months my resignation was in the mail. I that time and since then I read voraciously. Many books bought. library and internet were also used. This is year three and its not as heavy but still read plenty.
I was baptized in my late 20s, in a moment of great stupidity, or personal problems, which made me yearn for a place where I could belong. And missionaries were cute and funny. We were in a small branch, "growing" together in this new faith, and it felt great. Then I went to the temple, and it was a major shock. Still I didn't want to see the obvious. Several years later, I had moved somewhere else and had been attending a real ward, with not much enthusiasm, but still wanting the church to be true. Then I got connected to the internet for the first time and one of the first things I "googled", I don't remember why, was "exmormon". I landed here and it was enough to read some of the biographies and short topics, and read of people who had had my same impressions in the temple, experienced the same doubts I had had. It was an epiphany, and for the first time in my life I felt what TBM call burning in the bosom. It was a real warm feeling in my body and an enlightment in my head: it is not me that I am not spiritual enough, it is the church that is not true! Unfortunately for reasons I cannot say here yet, and life circumstances, I am still more connected to the mo church than I would wish, and I am also with TBM DH (who doesn't approve my position, hasn't even asked why I now believe so, bu still loves me a lot). It is exhausting, and I think I have a certain degree of depression, going on like this for years...
Even during that time I thought that mormon culture had sabotaged the true church.
My studying was all about trying to find the 'pure' origins of the 'gospel'.
I got all the way back to JS and it all quickly unraveled from there.
I remember the day I actually thought to myself, 'What if it's the CHURCH that is not true?'
It had just never, in 30+ years (BIC), dawned on me to ask that one simple question.
Letting go of god took about another year or so after that. I just applied the same logic to the bible and Christianity that I did for TSCC and realized that I am an atheist.
I now subscribe to Buddhism for it's philosophical attributes, and still consider myself agnostic on life-after-death, admittedly for my own personal comfort.
Good luck on your journey. I know this place felt more like 'home' for me than the church ever did.
6 months to 6 years of grey area. I had my first tear in my testimony, before going on my mission, when I read a couple of non-Mormon books about Mormonism. Then read several "anti-Mormon" books on my mission that really weakened it. However I was somehow still able to rationalize away and put on the shelf the information I learned. But it wasn't until the end of my mission when I read Jerald & Sandra Tanners' Mormonism-Shadow or Reality that finally put a nail in the coffin that was my testimony. It was at that point that I could actually say to myself "I don't believe the church is true."
Even though the church was obviously not true, out of fear of God and family and cultural attachments, I still gave Mormonism the benefit of the doubt for several more years. I clung onto silly little proofs like chiasmus in the BoM as possible evidence the church might still be true. However it wasn't until I detached myself from the Mormons by switching singles wards and going inactive and started reading LDS apologetics (ironically) when I knew I wanted NOTHING to do with Mormonism. It was then that I could finally say good riddance and I resigned when I was 26.
Two years. I have a huge library on a broad variety of subjects. The final straw for resignation was being informed I had been assigned to clean the building Christmas week. I had not attended for those two years.
because I had to be sure. My background is history and journalism so I know how to research and fact check but it never occurred to me to do that about my religion. That appalling lapse of judgment made me MAD at myself so I read everything I could get my hands on. I was up til 3:00 a.m. many, many nights reading websites, double checking what I read, reading stacks of books. I could write a book myself now - although it would just cover what was covered in a dozen other "intro to the real Mormonism" type books.
Part of me was done about one hour after I first read about the questions regarding the first vision. But I hoped I was wrong. When I realized I wasn't, then I really done. Ready for coffee, taking off the garments and being sure I wasn't a Mormon any more.
CA girl Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > because I had to be sure. My background is > history and journalism so I know how to research > and fact check but it never occurred to me to do > that about my religion. That appalling lapse of > judgment made me MAD at myself so I read > everything I could get my hands on. I was up til > 3:00 a.m. many, many nights reading websites, > double checking what I read, reading stacks of > books. I could write a book myself now - although > it would just cover what was covered in a dozen > other "intro to the real Mormonism" type books. > > Part of me was done about one hour after I first > read about the questions regarding the first > vision. But I hoped I was wrong. When I realized > I wasn't, then I really done. Ready for coffee, > taking off the garments and being sure I wasn't a > Mormon any more.
CA Girl, my background mirrors yours and so was the exit process. Amazing :-)
I can relate so much to your experience. I too was so dishearened about finding the truth or just getting out of the denial mode was difficult. I spend countless hours reading and researing JS then I was fixated on BY then the Mountain Meadow Mass. you name it I got obsessed with it. My intense study was for my sake and for those of my family who were planning on exiting the church. I became an expert in the field of exposing the church. Three family members have resigned from the church now and I feel that there will be others to follow. How long did this all take about one year give or take a few extra months.
Bottom line---it may take more or less time for you depending on your level of satisfaction with all of it. I now have a strong confiction and i feel that that's what i needed.
I started reading on a Friday, read for hours that evening and Saturday, skipped church on Sunday and kept reading, read more on Monday, handed my son's tithing back to him on Tuesday, then took my garments off on Wednesday. Never been back to any church, haven't looked back.
The year was 2007. I discovered RfM, read all that neat stuff the people post here, plus a couple of other good former Mormon sites, and made the decision that if others could resign and keep their lives intact, I could, too. It was very liberating, and a couple of years later I'm still giddy about receiving my letter from Greg Dodge. God bless Greg Dodge. (Does he know we all love him so?)
And I said to significant other (NON-significant other now) "My religion is a farce! It isn't true." But months of reading to catch up on what the truth really is.
probably within hours of admitting I didn't have a testimony to myself and then to my husband (He was secretly ecstatic . . . had been coming to this board for years). My situation was that I had ALWAYS believed 100%, but didn't get answers to prayers/spiritual confirmations. That night, I finally realized that not having a testimony at age 34 was a problem, and was finally willing to start asking WHY.
Within a couple of days I didn't really believe in the church, in Jesus, or in God anymore.
But I didn't trust myself.
We stopped going to church within a couple of months, but I studied like a madwoman for 9 months. Like other people have mentioned, I read SO many books, read ALL the stories that were on this site at the time (maybe 150). I was completely consumed by research and thinking, often up until the wee hours of the morning.
At the end of the 9 months, I was 99% the church was false, but was still scared to let go completely. When I stopped wearing the garments, though, I finally felt at peace, and have NEVER second guessed my decision. I have a much stronger "testimony" that the church is false than I EVER had that it was true.
Now, looking back, I can't believe it was so hard for me to trust myself. The church is SO obviously false on SO many levels. But they did SUCH a good job of instilling a fear of leaving, fear of being wrong, fear of losing family for all eternity, etc. Those fears were what kept me from just walking that first night when I had doubts.
Do whatever you need to find your answer and find peace with your decision. You are so fortunate to have a spouse who is researching with you. This board was so helpful to me. If you have any questions, or need sources of information, this is a great place to ask. There are a LOT of knowledgable people here.
With the Internet, we now live in the Age of Information. In 1959 there was little information available. In 1955 in my 8th grade science class we learned about the scientific method. As a result I figured out that religion is based in unverifiable magic. I figured out that the Mormon sky god is a magical being whose existence cannot be verified or proven. So I essentially became an atheist based on my own logic. It took me three more years to quit the Mormon church, since I was still living at home with my TBM parents. At age 17 I simply quit attending meetings. I told my parents that I could not believe in their magical god, and they didn't have any logic or reasoning that could persuade me to continue to believe. I had to reach an age where I was mature enough to have my own decision making skills stand up, and for me that age was 17.
I started questioning, disliking church long before I discovered RFM. When I first found RFM, I think I read and reread nearly every post, active and archived, in a three day period. By the end of my reading, I was intellectually out; it took me another 5-6 years before I was emotionally out.
to mr Gullibles travels,great that you got out of the cult of mormonism but I wasnt impressed with Dali Lama buddhist leader kissing the ring of the catholic antichrist sunday pope either..
The only truth is the truth about you and your own journey mate, as long as we dont give creedence to a blatent antichrist pope. ACtually the 13th pope, after this one, is the antichrist I hear.....
I left because it was making me mentally ill. Once I was away from the crazy-making machine I realized I had always been an atheist and the mental problems were from me trying to force myself to believe what I didn't.
The evidence part came much later. By then, my reaction was, "Yeah, well, of course they made it up."
The internal and external paradoxes of the gospel were a big factor in 2 years of mounting depression and insecurity. I never looked up any "anti" during that time though, except for maybe negative news stories about MMM and the FLDS raid, and a little DNA apologia that pacified me. But I remained fully believing, still reading a chapter-a-day in the BoM, wearing garments, and a dozen other overhead obligations. There harder I tried the worse my depression got.
Finally, in a desperate hour, it occured to me in an instant, and not unlike an answered prayer, that the church was man-made.
But I was uneducated in any of the "anti" research. It took me another year of research until it was mostly just the same stuff over and over.
Now I think I'm past the information stage, and in the purely social stage of only worrying about the sensitivities of TBM loved ones.
I had been dabbling in internet information for about 6 months. My wife started to have serious doubts, so I found people for her to talk to, to find the answers. I wanted them as well, but I made it seem like it was all for her. We spoke with a friend's dad, who is a Patriarch. I spoke with a mission friend who has been Bishop and Stake President. I spoke with 2 other former Bishops. NONE of them had answers to the most basic questions that caused concern. (Temple rituals, Versions of J.S. story, Journal of Discourses craziness, J.S. and his many wives...etc)
I have been out of the church for 3 years now. However, my wife and I don't have our names removed. So to answer your question...It has been 3 1/2 years and counting. I KNOW the church is a farce, but stil haven't had the courage to remove my name from the records.
I was very brainwashed, but still had an open mind. My HS Bf gave me a book, "Doc," that started to make me question and also when he told me that JS was caught with a 14 year old girl.
After I found out about the racist doctrines while I attended BYU, I was done. This all took place in about a year.
My HS BF had a copy of the temple ritual, but I refused to read it. I now know if I read them and confronted my TBM mother, it would have ended badly for me.
I did not do any research. After 3 years trying to get the so called church to stop a man from taking the innocence of children and being told that he was a good temple recommend holder and I was a liar and.....
After a meeting with the stake president asking why I was being shunned, called a liar, and not cooperative in the situation, I was told that he (stake president) told the man he either needed to confess (which he already did in my presence several times to the stake president) and turn himself into authorities or state it did not happen. The man said nothing happened and so that meant I was a liar.
So according to the church and hundred of followers I was a liar when all I tried to do was stop child molestation and the molester was a honorable temple recommend holder. After reading Isaiah 5:20 (also in bom) it was clear the chuch was untrue and evil. I never looked back.
I came to the conclusion that the church was a cult, and that was my initial research, to see if others thought it was a cult. Many members are cultic and hypocritical, in that they put on an act on Sunday, but really act unChristian. Also I just got fed up with mormonism. The mormon plan of happiness is actually the mormon plan of stress, overextension, lack of intimacy and acting all elitist. But at the time, I still thought it was true.
The fact that I thought it was a cult, my research showed that others thought it was a cult, and I simply was sick of mormonism and mormons was enough for me to stop attending. Also talking to mormon leaders is a waste of time. For some members, like myself, mormonism is a very victimizing religion, and many active mormons put on an act of being righteous, but are wolves in sheeps clothing, and victimizing.
As I researched the cultic nature of mormonism, I learned about many other things, and it took a few months for it to solidify in my mind that anything JS said could not be trusted.
Mormonism can do so much damage to it members lives, it is a parasite religion.