Have you ever heard this from TBM friends or family?
Apparently, the local wards held a Memorial Day cookout earlier today, and neither my wife nor I were ever aware that they were doing this until her grandmother called us an hour into the event. Then when we get there, they were already packing up and getting ready to go home. There was very little food left to serve, and most in attendance had moved on to just playing around & socializing for the rest of the day.
Outside of my wife's family, I had no idea who any of these people were, and I wasn't one to start being social. When one TBM passed us by, wondering why we got here so late, my grandmother quipped "If they'd just went to church, they would have known about it!"
She didn't say it in mean spirits, but that still left a bad taste in my mouth. My wife was pissed, though, that noone in her family talked about this event with her prior, and just made the both of us drive for 10 minutes only to drive back home.
I can't help but feel that when people say this, either in my presence or outside it, that they're trying to make me feel guilty and subliminally pinning the blame on me for leading my wife astray.
Sorry, just needed to vent. I told my wife, but she didn't seem too hurt by the remark.
Step 1. Don't let inactive kid know about the event. Step 2. Call at the last minute. Step 3. Blame and shame the kid.
"If they'd just went to church, they would have known about it!"
Intended outcome- kid goes to church to avoid further embarrassment.
Acceptable outcome- Blame and shame the inactive member of the church. Either way, it's a win-win for the church and a tip of the hat to grandma from the active members.
Seriously, grandma had many options starting with not saying anything or she could have covered for you but she chose to take a jab at you and embarass you while at the same time making herself look like a good Mormon.
Sounds like my own family. Sucks to be berated by such shallow minded people. Lucky for you that you only have to deal with it occasionally.
Maybe someday you'll get to the point that you won't even go to ward parties and other events that set you up to be cut down like that? Just my 2 cents :)
Orchestrated from beginning to end so the two of you could feel crappy and be taught a lesson. Otherwise they would have told you and not called you an hour after it started. They either would have let you know before, or not informed you at all unless a point was trying to be made. It was to help make you feel not a part of the family.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2013 09:36AM by snuckafoodberry.
Obviously your home/visiting teachers failed. They are the ones that should have noticed you were not at church to hear the announcement and had informed you ahead of time.
This reminds me of this past mother's day. I was out but when I came home there was a message from a church lady who was my last visiting teacher (she says she no longer is, I think I've been caught off).
Anyway, she calls from her cell phone and leaves a message that goes someting like this "Hi deconverted, this is formerVT, I'm at church and we're having a mother's day social. I just thought of you and wanted to wish you a happy mother's day". I heard the message and it immediatly bothered me. I wasn't sure why, maybe because she's calling me to let me know about something I was not invited to. Maybe because I think they were gossiping about me. Maybe because the message was just weired. Maybe because I'm now annoyed at any mormor behaviour. Who knows.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/28/2013 11:39AM by deconverted2010.
One of my favorite lines in cases like this: "Yeah, that's probably true." And end it there. That way it it looks like I don't think the event is worth going to church for.... as opposed to being a slacker and missing good things.
I think it's just flat-out arrogance. The attitude "we are so wonderful. If you want to come to our parties, have us as friends, socialize in our circle, it's up to YOU to make the effort to know what is going on. We are not going to reach out to YOU - it's your responsibility to keep up with us - the elite, the chosen, the special." I knew some women in my son's elementary school PTA who were like that. They put in the effort to know what was going on at school - if you didn't know, it wasn't their fault for not telling you. It was your fault for not being as involved with your child as they were. It was almost like a test to see if you were a good, involved mom and if not, your kid could just miss whatever school event. I'm not talking about basic parental responsibility. I mean these women made it almost like a test that, if you passed, would guarantee your child would be included and if not, serves you right. The women acted like spoiled, tween brats and that was what I thought of when I heard your story.