Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, and that allows the "stuff" that is simmering inside to come to the surface and be expressed. It sounds like you have anger at the church--a lot of us here do. Time heals. Best of wishes to you
Even though I joke about excessive drinking sometimes (I grew up in the south, I'm the walking equivalent of a country music lyricist), my reality is a two-drink limit on myself on those evenings I drink. That limit keeps me honest...
There are too many alcoholics in my family. My brother has caused my parents a lot of grief and pain because of it. So even if I had never been a Mormon, I'm convinced I still would never have been a drinker. I had kind of made that decision before I was even baptized.
I have really addictive tendencies too, so I kind of recognize that in myself and keep away from things I'd really rather not be addicted to. I have a difficult enough time with my chocolate addiction. LOL Well, it's no joke really, but just another topic entirely.
I've been a little relaxed (two drinks will do that for me and I think I've actually had three drinks in an evening once or twice) but never drunk.
I'm with Greyfort -- too much alcoholism in my family, plus I don't like the taste of most alcohol. I only drink sweet stuff if I'm going to drink.
Greyfort, do you have a book addiction too? Some of my book addiction has been channeled into the computer but I am still definitely addicted to books. (And I feel your chocolate pain too. I'm a chocolate binger.) :D